The Hyel fics.

Apr 15, 2006 11:18

Okay, so, I had no idea what this would turn into when I started writing. It was going to be gen and funny, but Mal started flirting with Polly and it was all downhill from there ( Read more... )

challenge: military law or regulations, fic

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Comments 15

amazon_syren April 15 2006, 13:02:10 UTC
Re: Drabble.
Heehee! :-)
I like it! :-)
Particularly the play-on-words at the end. :-)

Re: Polly/Mal.
1) I like the way you talked about the Ruperts, and how Polly doesn't like dealing with them. And I like the reason you gave for her to want/need Mal as her sergeant. That's good. :-) It makes sense... militarily, as much as it's needed for the plot to carry on. Well done. :-)
2) I like the little double-entendres you slipped in.
3) I like the sudden turn to the serious even more. :-) That was well done. The way it made Polly feel sick to touch those things, the brief embrace that was part "I need to know you'll do this" and part "I know how hard it for you" and all "thank you for making this choice".
And that you let her smell like roses. :-)

See next comment for a follow-up to your fic. :-)

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ilthit April 15 2006, 13:16:15 UTC
I think I'm gonna create a kind of continuity, like you have, with those fics of mine that seem to fit; meaning some re-writing and probably re-publishing as a whole. (It's scary that I like that better than the actual writing.)

*pleased as pie!* ^^ Thank you.

(I'm informed that people usually say "punch", but "pie" is more descriptive in this instance. Besides, I like pie.)

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amazon_syren April 15 2006, 14:05:48 UTC
Either way. :-)
I also like pie. :-)
Particularly Pumpkin Pie.
Hm...

Maybe I'll make a sqaush pie today. :-) I'll have to see if my eggs are still any good. (They're getting kind of old).
Hm...
Or Pumpkin Creme-Caramel... That could be good too... (I've got all this squash, still, and no room left in my freezer... So I have to use it up. ;-)

Three cheers for continuity! :-D

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ilthit April 15 2006, 14:53:22 UTC
Don't think I ever had pumpkin pie. Berry pie, more often, and sometimes rhubarb pie.

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amazon_syren April 15 2006, 13:05:04 UTC
Promotion BeckonsThe HQ building in the Capital, an imposing stone structure on the outside, was really a maze of cubby-hole offices and make-shift cubicles once you got through the doors ( ... )

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amazon_syren April 15 2006, 13:08:11 UTC
Shoot! I called Mal a "her" when Polly was talking about her to a general.
Bugger.
Oh, well. It's not like it's the only bit that needs fixing...

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ilthit April 15 2006, 13:47:14 UTC
Ah, see, we never have this problem in Finnish. :)

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amazon_syren April 15 2006, 14:03:14 UTC
It's even worse in French, trust me.

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amazon_syren April 15 2006, 19:28:35 UTC
I also like the statement about "attempt to run her through".

And the bit about officers being on the other side of a wall. It really is a wall, isn't it?

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ilthit April 15 2006, 20:34:32 UTC
Mmhmm. Well, not brick and mortar all the time, of course. Oh, okay, I grabbed that one from Patrick O'Brian - I'm reading Master & Commander and Jack Aubrey's just become captain in the beginning of the book and he thought regretfully about the wall.

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kannaophelia May 11 2006, 03:23:02 UTC
Abslutely, absolutely wondermous.

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ilthit May 11 2006, 04:50:49 UTC
Aww, thank you.

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