The Girl on Page Fourteen
New short fic. PG-13, no pairing, Mal, Polly.
Update: see comments section for an interesting image...
”Private Bauer, what is this?” Polly was waving a magazine of some kind in front of the unfortunate soldier’s face. She had found him reading it while he was on guard duty, a serious offence.
“It is, eh, a present from my cousin in Ankh-Morpork, sarge.”
“No reading while on guard! I’m confiscating this, and you’re to report to corporal Maladict tomorrow for your punishment.”
Polly rolled up the magazine and put it in her pack.
Later, in her tent, Polly took out the magazine. It seemed to contain iconographs of naked ladies. And half-naked ladies in provocative poses… it was hardly surprising to find such a magazine in the possession of someone as young and hormone-charged as private Bauer. Polly browsed with amusement, occasionally giggling at a particularly unnatural pose.
Until she reached page fourteen. There stood a woman wearing a coat that very much resembled a part of the uniform of a Borogravian sergeant - a coat, boots, and very little else. She had a sword in hand, and Polly noted she was holding it a tad uncertainly, in a stance that was sure to get her killed on any battlefield. The woman was tall, blonde, and had curly hair in a mass of ringlets. She was well endowed in the bosom department, but Polly could not help but notice a certain resemblance between this woman and her own image in the mirror. Although she would never put on her uniform pieces in the wrong order, nor go out half-dressed…
And then she noticed the caption of the image. ‘Sergeant Pert, Tenth Foot, Borogravian Light Infantry.’
“I shall kill that little cretin! How dare he! How dare he!” Polly roared.
This brought Maladict into the tent. She was holding a cup of coffee.
“Polly, what’s wrong?” She asked.
“Look at this! Just look at this! How dare he!” Polly thrust the offending magazine at Maladict.
Maladict took a long look at it, and then whistled quietly.
“Where did you get this?” She inquired.
“I confiscated it off Private Bauer. He was reading it while on guard.”
“Ah. Not, I’m afraid, a crime punishable by death, even by martial law.”
“Well, it’s disgusting!” Polly glared at Maladict, thinking she wasn’t taking this seriously.
Maladict completely ignored the glare and turned the page. “Interesting… they have her kick a man in Zlobenian uniform in a very painful place on the next page… and when I say Zlobenian uniform I mean some bits of it, just about enough to identify the nationality. And then there’s a rather amusing scene of her kissing what looks to me like a young man in very unconvincing vampire makeup…a corporal by rank, it seems… oh, and they’ve also included a page where she’s captured by enemies. The usual male sexual fantasy fuel.” She folded the magazine closed.
Polly grabbed the magazine, browsed it and threw it back. “You lied about the man in vampire makeup.”
Maladict caught the objectionable publication. “Now that I look at it closer, it does seem more like he’s just a very pale human. My mistake.”
Polly glared at her some more. “I told Bauer he’s to see you tomorrow for his punishment. I trust you to be your usual inventive self.”
Maladict saluted. “You know me, sarge.” She grinned wickedly. Private Bauer would rue this day…
Update: see comments section for an interesting image...
”Private Bauer, what is this?” Polly was waving a magazine of some kind in front of the unfortunate soldier’s face. She had found him reading it while he was on guard duty, a serious offence.
“It is, eh, a present from my cousin in Ankh-Morpork, sarge.”
“No reading while on guard! I’m confiscating this, and you’re to report to corporal Maladict tomorrow for your punishment.”
Polly rolled up the magazine and put it in her pack.
Later, in her tent, Polly took out the magazine. It seemed to contain iconographs of naked ladies. And half-naked ladies in provocative poses… it was hardly surprising to find such a magazine in the possession of someone as young and hormone-charged as private Bauer. Polly browsed with amusement, occasionally giggling at a particularly unnatural pose.
Until she reached page fourteen. There stood a woman wearing a coat that very much resembled a part of the uniform of a Borogravian sergeant - a coat, boots, and very little else. She had a sword in hand, and Polly noted she was holding it a tad uncertainly, in a stance that was sure to get her killed on any battlefield. The woman was tall, blonde, and had curly hair in a mass of ringlets. She was well endowed in the bosom department, but Polly could not help but notice a certain resemblance between this woman and her own image in the mirror. Although she would never put on her uniform pieces in the wrong order, nor go out half-dressed…
And then she noticed the caption of the image. ‘Sergeant Pert, Tenth Foot, Borogravian Light Infantry.’
“I shall kill that little cretin! How dare he! How dare he!” Polly roared.
This brought Maladict into the tent. She was holding a cup of coffee.
“Polly, what’s wrong?” She asked.
“Look at this! Just look at this! How dare he!” Polly thrust the offending magazine at Maladict.
Maladict took a long look at it, and then whistled quietly.
“Where did you get this?” She inquired.
“I confiscated it off Private Bauer. He was reading it while on guard.”
“Ah. Not, I’m afraid, a crime punishable by death, even by martial law.”
“Well, it’s disgusting!” Polly glared at Maladict, thinking she wasn’t taking this seriously.
Maladict completely ignored the glare and turned the page. “Interesting… they have her kick a man in Zlobenian uniform in a very painful place on the next page… and when I say Zlobenian uniform I mean some bits of it, just about enough to identify the nationality. And then there’s a rather amusing scene of her kissing what looks to me like a young man in very unconvincing vampire makeup…a corporal by rank, it seems… oh, and they’ve also included a page where she’s captured by enemies. The usual male sexual fantasy fuel.” She folded the magazine closed.
Polly grabbed the magazine, browsed it and threw it back. “You lied about the man in vampire makeup.”
Maladict caught the objectionable publication. “Now that I look at it closer, it does seem more like he’s just a very pale human. My mistake.”
Polly glared at her some more. “I told Bauer he’s to see you tomorrow for his punishment. I trust you to be your usual inventive self.”
Maladict saluted. “You know me, sarge.” She grinned wickedly. Private Bauer would rue this day…