need to vent
i need to vent about life. i hadn't even thought about all these things before going to my hiv/aids class today and it makes me mad that if i didn't have this class that i would be walking around in this "self-centered" little bubble. when i say self-centered i mean me, my surroundings, and my country as all "self." the bc bubble i live in, the boston bubble i live in, the american bubble i live in. all these little bubbles that can aid in blinding me from everything outside of these bubbles.
people might get angry at me for saying this, but i really honestly don't care - anger is a legitimate reaction i would say, understanding is as well. if i can't talk rationally/emotionally/intelligently/irrationally/whatever to my friends about serious issues, personal, social, global, etc that fucking piss me off, then well maybe you shouldn't be my friend. i hope that i give you the same respect and if not then fucking yell at me cause i don't want to be an ignorant asshole.
okay virginia tech, obviously a tragedy, obviously something that absolutely needs to be dealt with on a national level but let me point out on a virginia tech level first. every time i read a description of the victims, my heart hurts. it points out a lot of things our country (government, society, church, and people) NEEDS to be discussing, gun control, the craziness of the media, and i could go on and on, but i won't.
but i'm pissed off.
everytime i read a description of cho my heart also hurts. we blame and blame and blame and blame. we try to pretend that things like this are avoidable. they aren't. we try to pretend that death is avoidable, it isn't. it's inevitable. i could die in five minutes. my roommate could come in here and stab me in the heart with her stiletto heel if she so cared to do so.
okay that's a side note, this is really random stream of consciousness.
i'm pissed off. okay i've seen numerous ims in reference to vtech, i've seen a lot of groups on facebook, i've seen memorial funds. this is all awesome.
the reason i'm mad is.... where is all this stuff before vtech? where is all the media coverage on the 8000 kids that die from HIV/AIDS every day. the 45 million people who don't have health care in our country and suffer because they don't have the money to get it. the 70% of the world's population that lives in poverty and struggles to live to the ripe young age of 30.
WHERE IS THE SUSTAINED CONSTANT MEDIA COVERAGE? WHERE IS THE QUICK RESPONSE OF SOLIDARITY AND MEMORIALS TO PEOPLE THAT DIE? 32 PEOPLE THAT DIE IN A SCHOOL SHOOTING IS AN ATROCITY. SO IS THE FACT THAT 8000 PEOPLE DIE FROM HIV/AIDS. SO IS THE FACT THAT A SINGLE PERSON DIES.
i don't know if i'm getting my point across... where is it? why do we not care? why can we not get out of our own little worlds? why can we not see all the people that are dying that could be living?
where are the memorial funds for hiv/aids victims that we don't know? where are the memorial funds for war victims that we don't know? where are the memorial funds for poverty victims that we don't know?
i really want to get into talking about racism and sexism, but that is just too big of a topic for me to tackle right now and i've already been talking too long and need to start studying for my f'n test tomorrow.
why do we create this "other," we are all neighbors, THERE IS NO FREAKING OTHER, THERE IS NO FREAKING THEM, GOD DAMMIT I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AND CRYING (and wow, i am so christian it's not even funny)
why do we blame cho? why do we have to figure him out? why do we need to know that there was a motive? why do we need solutions?
"if we fix this, then everything will be fine" - how many times have you heard this? how many times have you said it? there aren't solutions to everything... there are always problems... there is always change... this is life. it's what it's all about. problems, change, anger, love, emotions, grief, THAT'S LIFE. and life is death. we aren't immortal. so why do we blame and blame and blame others for death. it just happens. sometimes there is no explanation.
maybe there is something we could have done to prevent it, but it's in the past. so all we do now is grieve. we sit at our televisions looking for every piece of the story that we can get. the fact is the only real piece of the story that holds any bit of the whole truth died with cho. we can create all these 'prevention tools' but school shootings still happen. maybe if we treated every human person with the dignity that they deserve, then things might get a little better. maybe if i asked you why you're feeling this way or smiled at you, then something might be better for you, if i sat in interview and mourn the fact that my roommate, another human being who didn't get the help that he needed for whatever reason, was dead instead of smile while i tell the interviewer how "crazy" he was, then maybe the world would be a better place.
i'm saying why aren't people pissed off that our government which has a 100 billion paycheck gives 200 million dollars to the fund that helps prevent and treat the three biggest killers of our world population. why aren't people mourning all the people who die every day because of that? why aren't people pissed off that
why aren't people DOING something? including myself. why am i not doing something more than just writing this journal entry that about 5 people if i'm lucky will read. why am i so self-centered? why are you so self-centered? how do i become a better person?
my argument seems to be running in circles. i don't know if i'm even making an argument, i'm just trying to grieve about this event in the way that i grieve. this is what i need to talk about. this is what i need other people to hear.
we can't prevent. but we do. that's what being a human's about i suppose.
the front page of the ny times today - half of it was to vtech. IT HAPPENED TWO DAYS AGO. we have no idea what happened there and stories take time to unravel themselves... so why are millions of little stories about it... how do we even know this is true. give it time. we need a little sentence to describe why, always why.... things are more complex than that.
it was all of our faults. we try to create an us vs. them all the time. the media is so good at it. but it was all of our faults. everyone. we all are a living, breathing, community. we are all interconnected. it was my fault.
i'm just so mad sometimes at myself, at other people, at society, at our government, at our globe, at the world bank, at the WTO, at the WHO, at everything that we continue to deny our own part in everything that occurs in this world.
we aren't independent. why do we try so hard to be something we're not.
i could go on, but i'm not so pissed off anymore so i think i got it out.
i would say i'm sorry if i pissed you off, but i'm not. somebody pissed me off today. i'm not mad at them for pissing me off. i'm thankful. so i hope you're thankful for pissing you off.
if we didn't get pissed off about stuff, then what would be the point of living.
respond. tell me things i don't realize. tell me your point of view. i want a rich and full knowledge and understanding. i want to be open-minded. i want to hear you. tell me when i'm being an ass. tell me when i'm being completely ridiculous. tell me anything.
people might get angry at me for saying this, but i really honestly don't care - anger is a legitimate reaction i would say, understanding is as well. if i can't talk rationally/emotionally/intelligently/irrationally/whatever to my friends about serious issues, personal, social, global, etc that fucking piss me off, then well maybe you shouldn't be my friend. i hope that i give you the same respect and if not then fucking yell at me cause i don't want to be an ignorant asshole.
okay virginia tech, obviously a tragedy, obviously something that absolutely needs to be dealt with on a national level but let me point out on a virginia tech level first. every time i read a description of the victims, my heart hurts. it points out a lot of things our country (government, society, church, and people) NEEDS to be discussing, gun control, the craziness of the media, and i could go on and on, but i won't.
but i'm pissed off.
everytime i read a description of cho my heart also hurts. we blame and blame and blame and blame. we try to pretend that things like this are avoidable. they aren't. we try to pretend that death is avoidable, it isn't. it's inevitable. i could die in five minutes. my roommate could come in here and stab me in the heart with her stiletto heel if she so cared to do so.
okay that's a side note, this is really random stream of consciousness.
i'm pissed off. okay i've seen numerous ims in reference to vtech, i've seen a lot of groups on facebook, i've seen memorial funds. this is all awesome.
the reason i'm mad is.... where is all this stuff before vtech? where is all the media coverage on the 8000 kids that die from HIV/AIDS every day. the 45 million people who don't have health care in our country and suffer because they don't have the money to get it. the 70% of the world's population that lives in poverty and struggles to live to the ripe young age of 30.
WHERE IS THE SUSTAINED CONSTANT MEDIA COVERAGE? WHERE IS THE QUICK RESPONSE OF SOLIDARITY AND MEMORIALS TO PEOPLE THAT DIE? 32 PEOPLE THAT DIE IN A SCHOOL SHOOTING IS AN ATROCITY. SO IS THE FACT THAT 8000 PEOPLE DIE FROM HIV/AIDS. SO IS THE FACT THAT A SINGLE PERSON DIES.
i don't know if i'm getting my point across... where is it? why do we not care? why can we not get out of our own little worlds? why can we not see all the people that are dying that could be living?
where are the memorial funds for hiv/aids victims that we don't know? where are the memorial funds for war victims that we don't know? where are the memorial funds for poverty victims that we don't know?
i really want to get into talking about racism and sexism, but that is just too big of a topic for me to tackle right now and i've already been talking too long and need to start studying for my f'n test tomorrow.
why do we create this "other," we are all neighbors, THERE IS NO FREAKING OTHER, THERE IS NO FREAKING THEM, GOD DAMMIT I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AND CRYING (and wow, i am so christian it's not even funny)
why do we blame cho? why do we have to figure him out? why do we need to know that there was a motive? why do we need solutions?
"if we fix this, then everything will be fine" - how many times have you heard this? how many times have you said it? there aren't solutions to everything... there are always problems... there is always change... this is life. it's what it's all about. problems, change, anger, love, emotions, grief, THAT'S LIFE. and life is death. we aren't immortal. so why do we blame and blame and blame others for death. it just happens. sometimes there is no explanation.
maybe there is something we could have done to prevent it, but it's in the past. so all we do now is grieve. we sit at our televisions looking for every piece of the story that we can get. the fact is the only real piece of the story that holds any bit of the whole truth died with cho. we can create all these 'prevention tools' but school shootings still happen. maybe if we treated every human person with the dignity that they deserve, then things might get a little better. maybe if i asked you why you're feeling this way or smiled at you, then something might be better for you, if i sat in interview and mourn the fact that my roommate, another human being who didn't get the help that he needed for whatever reason, was dead instead of smile while i tell the interviewer how "crazy" he was, then maybe the world would be a better place.
i'm saying why aren't people pissed off that our government which has a 100 billion paycheck gives 200 million dollars to the fund that helps prevent and treat the three biggest killers of our world population. why aren't people mourning all the people who die every day because of that? why aren't people pissed off that
why aren't people DOING something? including myself. why am i not doing something more than just writing this journal entry that about 5 people if i'm lucky will read. why am i so self-centered? why are you so self-centered? how do i become a better person?
my argument seems to be running in circles. i don't know if i'm even making an argument, i'm just trying to grieve about this event in the way that i grieve. this is what i need to talk about. this is what i need other people to hear.
we can't prevent. but we do. that's what being a human's about i suppose.
the front page of the ny times today - half of it was to vtech. IT HAPPENED TWO DAYS AGO. we have no idea what happened there and stories take time to unravel themselves... so why are millions of little stories about it... how do we even know this is true. give it time. we need a little sentence to describe why, always why.... things are more complex than that.
it was all of our faults. we try to create an us vs. them all the time. the media is so good at it. but it was all of our faults. everyone. we all are a living, breathing, community. we are all interconnected. it was my fault.
i'm just so mad sometimes at myself, at other people, at society, at our government, at our globe, at the world bank, at the WTO, at the WHO, at everything that we continue to deny our own part in everything that occurs in this world.
we aren't independent. why do we try so hard to be something we're not.
i could go on, but i'm not so pissed off anymore so i think i got it out.
i would say i'm sorry if i pissed you off, but i'm not. somebody pissed me off today. i'm not mad at them for pissing me off. i'm thankful. so i hope you're thankful for pissing you off.
if we didn't get pissed off about stuff, then what would be the point of living.
respond. tell me things i don't realize. tell me your point of view. i want a rich and full knowledge and understanding. i want to be open-minded. i want to hear you. tell me when i'm being an ass. tell me when i'm being completely ridiculous. tell me anything.