(no subject)

[cheesegivesgas]

i feel stuck..
this wasnt supposed to happen..
i took a wrong turn in life somewhere
and theres no going back..

i shoulda known better..
why i would let myself get hurt..
everyone told me.. what i shoulda done..
of course i didnt listen..
now im suffering the consequences
of my own doing..
my mom warned me.. who knew she was always right..

i wish i never knew what i know now..
maybe things woulda been different..
but knowing hurts.. and it hurts even more now
that im stuck..

how naive of me to think that life would
be so easy.. and care free..
my parents made it out to be that way..
i always saw them as perfect together
no matter how much they argued about
little things.. they trusted eachother..
they shared everything together..
they never fought about money or who pays for what..
or if ones cheating on the other..
my parents always provided more than what was expected of them
and would still have some left over..

i want that..

how do you live with someone you cant really trust..
or too afraid to get hurt again..
for years of unfaithfulness.. how do you just trust
someone after that.. it shoulda ended a long time ago..
how stupid of me..

it just builded up insecurities among the ones
i already had.. till now its still eating me up..

i told myself i would never let myself think
that this baby was a mistake..
i love him already and i dont want him to
see my struggles.. ever..

all i can do at this point is whats best for my baby..
alone or not..

sometimes i wish i was doing this on my own..

im still hurting...
and its starting to get harder
to fake being happy every day..