(no subject)

[cheesegivesgas]

i was talking to the intern yesterday at lunch..
we were talking about relationships..
she had a boyfriend for 4 years.. and he cheated on her..
and she straight out packed up her shit and left..
and i asked her.. really? just like that?..
did you love him?.. and she said hell yea i loved him..
but how can you sleep in the same bed with a person you love
and know that there was someone else in bed with him..
she said.. i dont wanna live my life always thinking
theres gonna be someone else.. its all about YOU in the end..
you need to think about yourself first..

that got me thinking.. a lot..
this bitch has balls.. i wish i had the balls to just walk away..
but i couldnt.. there wasnt anything i wanted more than just to be
with him.. for watever fucked up reason.. i love him..
i love him with a passion.. and i cant explain it..

someone told me the other day.. how can a person in a relationship
take constant reminders of what they did wrong on a daily basis..
he said.. if you wanna be with him.. then you have to let the
shit that hes done go..

i can forgive.. but ill never forget..
and i wont put my guard down that easily..

i dont know why its bugging me again lately..
all of a sudden im thinking.. and thinking..
about the past 3 years..

i pray to god everyday.. to make this work..
to make me a stronger person..
i pray that i dont find out anything new..
pray that i can move on from this..
learn from it.. and deal with it better..

i hope i can..