(no subject)
What a freaking day...
I am bored and down about the routine of my life right now. So, I am absolutely no fun to talk to or be around. I am feeling extra insecure, I cheated on my diet. And whats funny is that I never thought I would be one of "those" girls, the one obsessed with weight. Not that I really am, but I have gained plenty of weight over the last two years, and I just want to get back in shape. I feel kind of lost, talk of management at Finish Line, hating Red Beans right now, but not wanting to leave a place that I have always loved so much. I HATE WORK, and it has become my life.
School.... umm, yeah. Lets not.
Sometimes I feel so lost inside my skin. Sometimes I dont even feel like I am here. I feel like I am in one of those movies, where the camera only shoots their head, and you see the background moving and it changes from day to night, but their head stays in focus and bobbles back and forth, and they look drunk because they are just walking around as the time goes by, and they sleep and they walk and so on.
The most relaxing thing I have done in the last three days was drive in rush hour traffic. I almost parked in the middle of the street and got on the hood of my car and screamed. I visualize myself doing these things... I see my life like the camera shot. I wonder if someday it will all be a waste, if being a manager will just be a notch in my resume and I will spend my whole life just bobbling back and forth and my background will change... but I wont. I will be stuck in focus.... Even if I loved what I did... would it mean anything to anyone..
Damn... can you tell Im 19 and lost.
Yeah, me too.
I am bored and down about the routine of my life right now. So, I am absolutely no fun to talk to or be around. I am feeling extra insecure, I cheated on my diet. And whats funny is that I never thought I would be one of "those" girls, the one obsessed with weight. Not that I really am, but I have gained plenty of weight over the last two years, and I just want to get back in shape. I feel kind of lost, talk of management at Finish Line, hating Red Beans right now, but not wanting to leave a place that I have always loved so much. I HATE WORK, and it has become my life.
School.... umm, yeah. Lets not.
Sometimes I feel so lost inside my skin. Sometimes I dont even feel like I am here. I feel like I am in one of those movies, where the camera only shoots their head, and you see the background moving and it changes from day to night, but their head stays in focus and bobbles back and forth, and they look drunk because they are just walking around as the time goes by, and they sleep and they walk and so on.
The most relaxing thing I have done in the last three days was drive in rush hour traffic. I almost parked in the middle of the street and got on the hood of my car and screamed. I visualize myself doing these things... I see my life like the camera shot. I wonder if someday it will all be a waste, if being a manager will just be a notch in my resume and I will spend my whole life just bobbling back and forth and my background will change... but I wont. I will be stuck in focus.... Even if I loved what I did... would it mean anything to anyone..
Damn... can you tell Im 19 and lost.
Yeah, me too.