(no subject)
So, I picked up a night gig delivering pizza for extra cash. Yes, I know, how noble and high-browed of me. The great thing about delivering pizza at night isn't the monkey-shirt and hat I have to drive around in, no no no...it's the fact that I am delivering food to people in north Mississippi!
I am not about to start knocking people for living here. I have spent a considerable amount of my life eating squirrels and making flowerpots out of discarded tires in them thar woods. What I will do is make fun of some of the things I have seen that are purely "Mississippi". And...we start now:
1. I was in a trailer park called Desoto Woods. I lived in this bastion of elegance from the ages of 0-6. After dropping off a hamburger sub (why don't they just say it's a hamburger..."sub" makes one think sandwich, which could lead one to believe that this dripping, steaming loaf of meat is healthier than a regular hamburger), jalapeno poppers and a butcher block pizza to a man in jogging pants ONLY, I drove around the neighborhood.
As I turned onto the last street in the grid, I saw a speed limit sign. I had to stop, put my truck in "P" and stare. The speed limit sign sported a 13 mph notice. 13mph. How do you even monitor 13 mph?
2. The same night I went to a subdivision called Twin Lakes. The fact that the residence of this community consider the two SOLID WASTE PROCESSING POOLS as "lakes" is funny enough, and I could stop here if I wanted. I don't want to...
Well, I saw a man dressed in VERY short cut-off jeans (the jeans were so short in fact, the white lining of the pockets jutted out from under the cut line), a Larry the Cable Guy t-shirt and flip-flops. Now, it was about 50 degrees and drizzling that night. Behind him was a large outdoor light mounted to a clothes hanging pole. What was the light illuminating? His Monte Carlo...from the 80's. I looked at him...not for very long...I was afraid that the long part of his rat tail would detect me, and wondered, "Why is he wearing a white painter's mask?"
Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long. Hey reached inside the plastic bag at his feet and pulled out a can of PRIMER GRAY spray paint! Yes!!! Fuck yes!!! Have my babies!!!
I am going to start taking pictures on my nightly deliveries for you all to see!!!
Holla
I am not about to start knocking people for living here. I have spent a considerable amount of my life eating squirrels and making flowerpots out of discarded tires in them thar woods. What I will do is make fun of some of the things I have seen that are purely "Mississippi". And...we start now:
1. I was in a trailer park called Desoto Woods. I lived in this bastion of elegance from the ages of 0-6. After dropping off a hamburger sub (why don't they just say it's a hamburger..."sub" makes one think sandwich, which could lead one to believe that this dripping, steaming loaf of meat is healthier than a regular hamburger), jalapeno poppers and a butcher block pizza to a man in jogging pants ONLY, I drove around the neighborhood.
As I turned onto the last street in the grid, I saw a speed limit sign. I had to stop, put my truck in "P" and stare. The speed limit sign sported a 13 mph notice. 13mph. How do you even monitor 13 mph?
2. The same night I went to a subdivision called Twin Lakes. The fact that the residence of this community consider the two SOLID WASTE PROCESSING POOLS as "lakes" is funny enough, and I could stop here if I wanted. I don't want to...
Well, I saw a man dressed in VERY short cut-off jeans (the jeans were so short in fact, the white lining of the pockets jutted out from under the cut line), a Larry the Cable Guy t-shirt and flip-flops. Now, it was about 50 degrees and drizzling that night. Behind him was a large outdoor light mounted to a clothes hanging pole. What was the light illuminating? His Monte Carlo...from the 80's. I looked at him...not for very long...I was afraid that the long part of his rat tail would detect me, and wondered, "Why is he wearing a white painter's mask?"
Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long. Hey reached inside the plastic bag at his feet and pulled out a can of PRIMER GRAY spray paint! Yes!!! Fuck yes!!! Have my babies!!!
I am going to start taking pictures on my nightly deliveries for you all to see!!!
Holla