Pardon me, Your Age is Showing...
Tonight I felt OLD.
It was Lorin's staff Xmas party. I was her guest. As much free champagne as you wanted while mingling. As much free wine as you wanted with dinner. Two drink tickets for "other" drinks.
I don't like champagne. I don't like wine. I had two light beers. Every other person there got TRASHED. I enjoyed the elegant dinner, and spent the afterwards parts checking my cell phone to see what time it was, knowing I had an 8am dentist appointment tomorrow and wanting to get 8 hours sleep.
When did I stop being fun? I mean, it's a week night, true. But free drinks? At one point Lorin stole a bottle of white wine from behind the bar, as there were no bartenders to serve her. I didn't get excited; I was like, wow that was stupid, that might piss off the staff. In the bathroom Lorin was babbling and I was looking at her disheveled hair and thinking, I'm so glad I still look all tidy and cute.
Why am I still even judging fun by quantities of alcohol? Aren't I past that? I mean, I've been in counselling for months now. I'm not a sloppy drunk anymore. I've been fun-drunk about five times in the last six months. And I'm not depressed, and I can sleep without pills. There are lots of great things, number one being my MOOD. Not being filled with self-loathing; not feeling empty; not picking apart areas of my life that are just fine because I'm bitchy...
Yet tonight I was hyperaware of how prim I was acting, sitting there all uncomfortable as my "date" screamed with laughter and an increasing number of obscenities at the many seniors that are her coworkers.
Maybe I can blame the library. Yes, the library did this to me... :P
It was Lorin's staff Xmas party. I was her guest. As much free champagne as you wanted while mingling. As much free wine as you wanted with dinner. Two drink tickets for "other" drinks.
I don't like champagne. I don't like wine. I had two light beers. Every other person there got TRASHED. I enjoyed the elegant dinner, and spent the afterwards parts checking my cell phone to see what time it was, knowing I had an 8am dentist appointment tomorrow and wanting to get 8 hours sleep.
When did I stop being fun? I mean, it's a week night, true. But free drinks? At one point Lorin stole a bottle of white wine from behind the bar, as there were no bartenders to serve her. I didn't get excited; I was like, wow that was stupid, that might piss off the staff. In the bathroom Lorin was babbling and I was looking at her disheveled hair and thinking, I'm so glad I still look all tidy and cute.
Why am I still even judging fun by quantities of alcohol? Aren't I past that? I mean, I've been in counselling for months now. I'm not a sloppy drunk anymore. I've been fun-drunk about five times in the last six months. And I'm not depressed, and I can sleep without pills. There are lots of great things, number one being my MOOD. Not being filled with self-loathing; not feeling empty; not picking apart areas of my life that are just fine because I'm bitchy...
Yet tonight I was hyperaware of how prim I was acting, sitting there all uncomfortable as my "date" screamed with laughter and an increasing number of obscenities at the many seniors that are her coworkers.
Maybe I can blame the library. Yes, the library did this to me... :P