(no subject)
Fucks sake, boys...they will actually be the death of me.
Fucking Brendan, that boyyy. Hes just amazing, just so funny, and doesnt give a shit, urgh perfect. But then he goes hot and cold on me. Like sometimes hes the lovliest person ever. and then hes like not talking to me for two weeks. Im so fucking sick of boys using me, droping me and picking me up again when they feel like it. Like Im nothing.
At the moment, I actually hate leaving my house. Im so fucking fat and overweight, and all my clothes look horrible on me, I just want to be nice, pretty and have pretty clothes URGH. Ive been doing so much to try and loose weight, and its not like Ive been trying for a short time, I have for fucking ages. And I havent lost anything? And its just like I feel like giving up and becoming attached to my sofa till they have to cut me out :(.
Even if I do loose wieght, Ill never be pretty. Prehaps Im just a lost cause?
I suppose all the drinking doesnt help. But its the only time I dont feel so painfully self concious. Ive made so many friends when ive been drunk, just because its given me the confidence to talk to people and be myself. And plus the smoking, Urgh, I dont actually smoke, like addictivly, but it just gives like a quick release like a little wooo :] happy, even if it doesnt last for long it helps calm me down. Espeshally when I cant sleep, and its been getting really fucking stupid lately, since Ive had exams, ive been falling asleep at say 6 and having to wake up at 7 because I have an exam at 9. urgh I really need sleeping pills or something, but my mum thinks im exaggerating, Id love to see her have one hours sleep and try and write an essay about 'How Harper Lee shows the meaning of courige in To Kill A Mockingbird' URGHHHHHH.
I dont know what to do. I feel so shit.
Fucking Brendan, that boyyy. Hes just amazing, just so funny, and doesnt give a shit, urgh perfect. But then he goes hot and cold on me. Like sometimes hes the lovliest person ever. and then hes like not talking to me for two weeks. Im so fucking sick of boys using me, droping me and picking me up again when they feel like it. Like Im nothing.
At the moment, I actually hate leaving my house. Im so fucking fat and overweight, and all my clothes look horrible on me, I just want to be nice, pretty and have pretty clothes URGH. Ive been doing so much to try and loose weight, and its not like Ive been trying for a short time, I have for fucking ages. And I havent lost anything? And its just like I feel like giving up and becoming attached to my sofa till they have to cut me out :(.
Even if I do loose wieght, Ill never be pretty. Prehaps Im just a lost cause?
I suppose all the drinking doesnt help. But its the only time I dont feel so painfully self concious. Ive made so many friends when ive been drunk, just because its given me the confidence to talk to people and be myself. And plus the smoking, Urgh, I dont actually smoke, like addictivly, but it just gives like a quick release like a little wooo :] happy, even if it doesnt last for long it helps calm me down. Espeshally when I cant sleep, and its been getting really fucking stupid lately, since Ive had exams, ive been falling asleep at say 6 and having to wake up at 7 because I have an exam at 9. urgh I really need sleeping pills or something, but my mum thinks im exaggerating, Id love to see her have one hours sleep and try and write an essay about 'How Harper Lee shows the meaning of courige in To Kill A Mockingbird' URGHHHHHH.
I dont know what to do. I feel so shit.