you're makin' the most of your losin' streak / some call it sick, but I call it weak
Drawing always comes easily to me when I'm feeling a lot. Hate, anger, happiness, jealousy... Or when I'm listening to a really, really great song. Today I found myself being very angry. Angry at myself. Angry at Brooke, angry at Lucas. Angry at the world. But even though I was listening to Sex Pistols, I wasn't able to draw. Then I got even angrier, because it was as if the empty notepad that lay infront of me was mocking me. I drew some piece of crap sketches.. but tore them up. I don't want to ruin it.
After a few moments of self-pity, I decided to go for a drive. For some reason I was drawn to Karen's café. I'm trying to convince myself that I went there because she has the best coffee in town, but unfortuantly that would be lying. So I took a seat by the counter, ordered coffee and some of that heavenly apple pie. Just as I had my bag of coffee and pie, and was about to pay (hey! sure I wanted to see Luke, but I wasn't going to actually eat there..), I saw Brooke. She walked out of the room in the back, and quickly left the café. Even though she didn't see me, I saw her. Her normally perfect makeup was all blotchy and she was sniffling. She was crying.
I feel horrible saying it, and I realize it makes me sound like a horrible person... But there was part of me that took pleasure in seeing Brooke upset. Obviously I have no idea what had happend, what had been said.. But I was still enjoying the moment. Another part of me wanted to run after her. Hug her, wipe away the smeared mascara around her eyes. Tell her that everything was gonna be okay, just like things were always okay when we were younger. I didn't follow her though; she wouldn't have wanted me too. She was always too proud like that, and she'd angrily snap something along the lines of 'if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be crying in the first place!! Leave me alone, Peyton... You're only making things worse!'
When I came home I could finally draw again.
