Goodbye Mom
I haven't really updated because I've been unsure what to say. Unlike random breakups and other whining, it's been pretty hard to put into words how I feel these days. The only reason I'm writing now is because additional things popped up today and I need to get the feelings out somehow.
Mom died on Sept 12, after having the triple bypass. I had thought that once we made it through with the surgery, everything would be OK. I was wrong.
That was a Sunday--Joe flew in Tuesday and stayed until the following Sunday. The funeral was on Thursday, Sept 16. missfroggirl was there, with Emily, who flew in from Boston just for the day. farventure and sesuncedu came too, and so did Sarah and JD. I couldn't have made it through the day without them.
Lots has happened between now and then: we cleaned out Mom's things the next week (the things in the back of the house, clothes and jewelry, and crafting things--her Hummels, other collectibles, and vast array of Christmas decorations remain). I set up Skype on the home computer and mine here so that Dad and I can video chat, and hopefully that will help him feel less lonely.
But today...
Today I talked with Dad on the phone and he asked me to think about how I'd feel if he started dating again. My personal feelings include such phrases as "No way in hell," but I can appreciate the fact that he's lonely. However, with Mom being dead less than two months it still seems too soon for me. But I am a continent away so him seeing someone wouldn't really alter my daily life. It's just...the idea of him looking for a new wife already unnerves me, and I feel too confused to give him an answer.--maybe it's because it feels like it's proof of Joe's earlier observation: that had my parents not been so religious, they would have divorced a long, long time ago.
I still don't even know what he ordered to have put on Mom's grave marker. He told me it wasn't going to say "Loving Mother" or anything like that on it, but he wouldn't say what he wanted it to say, and last time I asked him about it, he hadn't ordered it yet (apparently they take about three months).
Some days I just want to hide, and other days I want to stay so busy I can't think straight, but my energy disappears too fast for me to get much done.
Mom died on Sept 12, after having the triple bypass. I had thought that once we made it through with the surgery, everything would be OK. I was wrong.
That was a Sunday--Joe flew in Tuesday and stayed until the following Sunday. The funeral was on Thursday, Sept 16. missfroggirl was there, with Emily, who flew in from Boston just for the day. farventure and sesuncedu came too, and so did Sarah and JD. I couldn't have made it through the day without them.
Lots has happened between now and then: we cleaned out Mom's things the next week (the things in the back of the house, clothes and jewelry, and crafting things--her Hummels, other collectibles, and vast array of Christmas decorations remain). I set up Skype on the home computer and mine here so that Dad and I can video chat, and hopefully that will help him feel less lonely.
But today...
Today I talked with Dad on the phone and he asked me to think about how I'd feel if he started dating again. My personal feelings include such phrases as "No way in hell," but I can appreciate the fact that he's lonely. However, with Mom being dead less than two months it still seems too soon for me. But I am a continent away so him seeing someone wouldn't really alter my daily life. It's just...the idea of him looking for a new wife already unnerves me, and I feel too confused to give him an answer.--maybe it's because it feels like it's proof of Joe's earlier observation: that had my parents not been so religious, they would have divorced a long, long time ago.
I still don't even know what he ordered to have put on Mom's grave marker. He told me it wasn't going to say "Loving Mother" or anything like that on it, but he wouldn't say what he wanted it to say, and last time I asked him about it, he hadn't ordered it yet (apparently they take about three months).
Some days I just want to hide, and other days I want to stay so busy I can't think straight, but my energy disappears too fast for me to get much done.