its been 11 years yesterday since she died
So, this week has been total crap. And now it seems all hope is just lost. I can't even find any hopein me today. i am going to rant and rave until i turn blue in the face and fall over. at least i hope. So this house we're in is a big hole. A HELL HOLE. so we have to move back to a fucking apartment. you know, i don't know why it is that i even try to care anymore. ALl gets lost so why fing bothering to try to live and pretend like im happy? My Blazers lost to a team that we kicked thier asses in all through the game til some shady shit was pulled and it pisses me off. i know they can win. Why the hell do i get so mad? Maybe i talked a lot of shit and im miss cheerleader, alwayss bakcing her team. For what? FOr them to loose? yep, pretty much. Even stupid ass tulsa is leading and Joly (GAG ME< I HATE HIM) is all in the mix. Yeah, im pretety pissed. I can t even see straight and talk about disapointment on teh whole fucking week. yesterday it was 11 years isnce my mom died. Oh and not to mention the shit going on at work. yeah, you'r ethe best on the floor but we're going to move you to a different department, but don't worry your''ll go dell badged in no time. But look at this, 4 monthes later and they are still lying . i hate liers. and two fucking faced ppl. I really do. So now we get to move int o this apartment that looks like the slums. Just fucking great. Why don't i jsut give up now and become a prostitute? I might fare better if i actaully throw out all the rules and say screw it. My temper has really becoome this major problem. Im sure ill give mysefl a heartattack soon enough, my mom was 40 and i am 28 and been through more shit than is fair so im sure the stress wil ltake its toll. Im so fucking tired of struggling, trying, hoping. i really am. I wish i was the kind of person who could let things go and not worry about consequences. Amaszing how life is so ddamn fucked up. It really is. I have one question when i meet GOd. WHY DO YOU HATE ME??????? WHAT, SERIOUSLY< DID I DO TO YOU TO MAKE YOU SO DAMNED MAD? Well, i cant type anymore. Im so done, so exhuasted, so jjust fed up to the hilt. It won't ever get better, i have realized today. Maybe for a while it wil, then it will just get ten times worse. It is the norm for my life. I haven't wrote here in so long i wasn't sure istil had an acocunt, fucking sad it had to be a post like this one. You would think i would have something posticve that would happen. Buyt not me. Im for some reason the fucking exception. Good for me. i hve to go to bed before i do stroke out. I can't beleive al the shit. Why is it that nice ppl get hurt? honestly, i always worry about huritng ppl, tyring to do the right thing and so on and yet, ppl that lie, break rules and all kinds of wrong shit get the good life. Why the hell is that? Im sure i ddi somtehin to deserve this sometime in my life, i mean, its my luck. Not like anytihng can go in my favor. peace the hell out.