ashton
This is the hardest thing I'v ever had to deal with in my life. I can cry on demand and it happens quite frequently. Any little thought or memory triggers my tear gland and a lump in my throat. What a surprise, it's happeneing. I'v never felt so alone in my life. We're still totally together and love each other so much but not being able to see him is the hardest thing in the world. Maybe I made a mistake by spending every waking moment with him while he was home. I mean, I dont regret it because every second we're together I am the happiest person in this world but I'm so just rediculosly misrable when I can't see him at all anymore. He really is my best friend and I can be completely myself around him and he wouldnt judge me. I can just tell him anything at all. I have no doubt that he is the one that I want to spend my whole life with because we just have this amazing relationship that I know I'll never be able to find anything better. We have stupid little arguements somethings, I mean who doesn't, but they are over minutes later. We just have this understanding for each other that no one could understand. We have something so sweet that I would be foolish if I ever let it go, or thought I could find someone who respects me as much as he does. I would do absouletly anything for him, anything to make him happy because I truely love him. I have doubt about almost everything in my life, but he's the one thing I feel certainty about. To any other high school student it is a forbidden topic to talk about marriage or children with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but with us it's a conversation we have often and with ease. I consider myself so blessed to have found such a beautiful person. He makes my whole world complete.
300 miles from him makes me feel like I'm missing an arm and a leg. It's just a weird feeling to know everything in stratford is going on like it does every day, like when he was home, but he's 3 states away. I feel like stratford doesnt work without him here. It's just a upsetting feeling that isn't going to change. The one thing I'v never been able to conquer my fear of is change. Change is my biggest fear. It scares me to death to think Ashton's never going to live in his house anymore, more than a summer. It scares me that he'll never be able to drive me to school anymore and meet me after 3rd period. It makes me feel so uncomfortable to know he has this whole seperate life now that I can't be there to share it with him. I need to stop calling him crying because I'm going to make him even more misrable and that's not what I want. I can't control my emotions so it's extremely hard to stop myself from crying when I feel sad. This is going to be a feeling I will have to overcome. I need to be happy that we are still in a relationship and completely in love with eachother rather than being misrable that he isn't home with me. I have to be less selfish that he is going to college to better himself and to make a future for himself rather than thinking about how much I miss him. This is my homework. I need to do my job by thinking about whats good for him.
300 miles from him makes me feel like I'm missing an arm and a leg. It's just a weird feeling to know everything in stratford is going on like it does every day, like when he was home, but he's 3 states away. I feel like stratford doesnt work without him here. It's just a upsetting feeling that isn't going to change. The one thing I'v never been able to conquer my fear of is change. Change is my biggest fear. It scares me to death to think Ashton's never going to live in his house anymore, more than a summer. It scares me that he'll never be able to drive me to school anymore and meet me after 3rd period. It makes me feel so uncomfortable to know he has this whole seperate life now that I can't be there to share it with him. I need to stop calling him crying because I'm going to make him even more misrable and that's not what I want. I can't control my emotions so it's extremely hard to stop myself from crying when I feel sad. This is going to be a feeling I will have to overcome. I need to be happy that we are still in a relationship and completely in love with eachother rather than being misrable that he isn't home with me. I have to be less selfish that he is going to college to better himself and to make a future for himself rather than thinking about how much I miss him. This is my homework. I need to do my job by thinking about whats good for him.