Dream-monkey
The other night I had a dream that I bought a baby monkey from a pet store which had a wooden sign like the one above, except instead of scribble there were other pets listed which I didn't notice. I'm not sure why the monkey was so cheap, or what the difference is between a bright alligator and a regular alligator (are they smarter, or just greener?), but I know that I bought a baby monkey for $185.15 and he went everywhere with me for the rest of my dream. I'd give up a fingernail to remember the rest of our adventures together.
On a side note, the pet store which boasted this sign and which sold me that monkey also served breakfast!
Yesterday I couldn't help but look up monkey breeders on the internet. Turns out, there's no laws against owning non-human primates in North Carolina, they're pretty easy to find, and only a few thousand dollars!
But I know that even though my dream-monkey was adorable and perfectly behaved, I couldn't deal with all the biting and the pooping and the masturbating and the destruction involved with a reality-monkey. Everyone seems to agree that monkey-owning is a pretty bad idea. Everyone on the internet, anyway.