(no subject)
I have recently discovered that I suffer from a severe, chronic and incurable disease. I reget to inform you all that I seem to have contracted Texas Withdrawal Syndrome (TWS). TWS is a mysterious illness that affects mainly native Texans, though non-natives who have spent considerable time in the state are also at risk. Like HIV, TWS can enter the system undetected and remain dormant for years before any symptoms are exhibited. While the trigger event that turns HIV into AIDS is yet unknown, TWS symptoms seem to be triggered by the removal of the victim from within the boundaries of the Texas state lines. I have (so far) exhibited the following symptoms:
1. Immediate and irrational inclination to like someone upon finding out they're from Texas
2. Desperate cravings for barbeque, cornbread, jambalaya and Tex-Mex with some actual goddamn spice in it
3. Debilitating waves of homesickness upon seeing a Chevy
4. Increase in importance of Texan origin to personal identity
5. Increasing fondness for and romanticization of Texas
6. Increasing fondness for sterotypical Texan things in which the victim previously had little interest (e.g. Stetsons, the rodeo)
TWS has no known cure, but the symptoms can be diminished by regular trips to Texas, or preferably moving there. After the vicitm has spent enough time back in Texas their TWS may go dormant and seem to disappear entirely. The patient may begin to show interest in other places in the world, only to have a fresh outbreak shortly after leaving the state. However, in advanced cases the victim may begin to lose all sense of reason, professing to enjoy country music and square dancing. Should this occur, the vicitm should be brought immediately back to Texas, or treated with twice-daily doses of salsa (at least 4-alarm) until back to normal. If these symptoms do not abate, the vicitm may need to be institutionalized for his or her own good, or alternatively released into West Texas where he'll fit right in.
1. Immediate and irrational inclination to like someone upon finding out they're from Texas
2. Desperate cravings for barbeque, cornbread, jambalaya and Tex-Mex with some actual goddamn spice in it
3. Debilitating waves of homesickness upon seeing a Chevy
4. Increase in importance of Texan origin to personal identity
5. Increasing fondness for and romanticization of Texas
6. Increasing fondness for sterotypical Texan things in which the victim previously had little interest (e.g. Stetsons, the rodeo)
TWS has no known cure, but the symptoms can be diminished by regular trips to Texas, or preferably moving there. After the vicitm has spent enough time back in Texas their TWS may go dormant and seem to disappear entirely. The patient may begin to show interest in other places in the world, only to have a fresh outbreak shortly after leaving the state. However, in advanced cases the victim may begin to lose all sense of reason, professing to enjoy country music and square dancing. Should this occur, the vicitm should be brought immediately back to Texas, or treated with twice-daily doses of salsa (at least 4-alarm) until back to normal. If these symptoms do not abate, the vicitm may need to be institutionalized for his or her own good, or alternatively released into West Texas where he'll fit right in.