Rivalry
Chuck Klosterman thinks I need a nemesis and an archenemy. He thinks you need them too.
I got Klosterman IV for Christmas. It's delightfully entertaining, though I think I prefer Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. This one has too many celebrity interviews and not as many fun pop culture stories. I'm just not that interested in famous people, especially famous people I've never heard of.
But back to the nemesis and the archenemy. I highly recommend you read this essay in its entirety, which you can do here, but since I know you're lazy here's an excerpt:
Now, I know that you're probably asking yourself, How do I know the difference between my nemesis and my archenemy? Here is the short answer: You kind of like your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise him. If your nemesis invited you out for cocktails, you would accept the offer. If he died, you would attend his funeral and-privately-you might shed a tear over his passing. But you would never have drinks with your archenemy, unless you were attempting to spike his gin with hemlock. If you were to perish, your archenemy would dance on your grave, and then he'd burn down your house and molest your children. You hate your archenemy so much that you try to keep your hatred secret, because you don't want your archenemy to have the satisfaction of being hated.
My best candidates for a nemesis and archenemy are highly unsatisfactory. My best nemesis is a girl I was pretty close to in grad school, but haven't heard from in a while. She has everything: good looks, well-paying and exciting job, great fiance, lots of friends. This sort of success makes me seethe with jealousy and burn for success of my own, but the thing is she's just such a gosh-darn sweet person she really does deserve everything good she has, and more. She's too likable to despise, so she is a failure as a nemesis. My best archenemy is a girl I was very good friends with in high school until I formally ended the friendship in a somewhat explosive way a few days before graduation. I hear about her every once in a while through mutual friends and acquaintances. I generally hope that her life is, on the whole, worse than mine. But I can't really work up a good hatred for her either; I mostly just feel sorry for her. Archenemy fail. I really should try harder to have more despicable people in my life. Apparently I can never be successful until I do. Chuck Klosterman says so, so it must be true.
I got Klosterman IV for Christmas. It's delightfully entertaining, though I think I prefer Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. This one has too many celebrity interviews and not as many fun pop culture stories. I'm just not that interested in famous people, especially famous people I've never heard of.
But back to the nemesis and the archenemy. I highly recommend you read this essay in its entirety, which you can do here, but since I know you're lazy here's an excerpt:
Now, I know that you're probably asking yourself, How do I know the difference between my nemesis and my archenemy? Here is the short answer: You kind of like your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise him. If your nemesis invited you out for cocktails, you would accept the offer. If he died, you would attend his funeral and-privately-you might shed a tear over his passing. But you would never have drinks with your archenemy, unless you were attempting to spike his gin with hemlock. If you were to perish, your archenemy would dance on your grave, and then he'd burn down your house and molest your children. You hate your archenemy so much that you try to keep your hatred secret, because you don't want your archenemy to have the satisfaction of being hated.
My best candidates for a nemesis and archenemy are highly unsatisfactory. My best nemesis is a girl I was pretty close to in grad school, but haven't heard from in a while. She has everything: good looks, well-paying and exciting job, great fiance, lots of friends. This sort of success makes me seethe with jealousy and burn for success of my own, but the thing is she's just such a gosh-darn sweet person she really does deserve everything good she has, and more. She's too likable to despise, so she is a failure as a nemesis. My best archenemy is a girl I was very good friends with in high school until I formally ended the friendship in a somewhat explosive way a few days before graduation. I hear about her every once in a while through mutual friends and acquaintances. I generally hope that her life is, on the whole, worse than mine. But I can't really work up a good hatred for her either; I mostly just feel sorry for her. Archenemy fail. I really should try harder to have more despicable people in my life. Apparently I can never be successful until I do. Chuck Klosterman says so, so it must be true.