... this is my heart ...

[cheere_darlin]

last nite i felt like the most depressed, overjoyed person on earth. there was a wave of fear coming over me and i paniced, i had no idea what was goin on and i couldn't figure out for the life of me what i was scared of. it doesn't matter, all i know is that i felt helpless and lame. i don't have anything to fear, nothing that i can clearly see. but for some reason i was so overwhelmed with that feeling and i wouldn't go away. i think i'm better this morning, i don't know, i've been strange for a few days.

i just want to fall asleep and wake up to a winter day. i keep listening to songs about the life i want to live. i keep pretending i'm growing up but i don't think i'm giving in. i've been saying 'i don't know' to myself for the past four days, that's a silly excuse to not admit what i wish i didn't know. it really doesn't matter any more, i figured this situation out. i'm far more excited about being happy, loved, loving that giving in to this feeling of fear and sadness seems ridiculous.

this is my heart. it's not broken, shattered, or lost.
this is my heart. i can't make you mine and i won't try.
this is my heart. i miss you. i wish you were closer in distance.
this is my heart. i'm being emo and i'm ok with that.
this is my heart. today will be beautiful, i can feel that.
this is my heart. i love you. i do. don't ever think i won't.
this is my heart. i'll be your guide.

this is my heart.