NCIS:Rag Doll. Angst/Drama PG 13 18/? (Tony-centric)
Title: Rag Doll
Chapter: 18/?
Fandom: NCIS
Author: cheekymice
Rating: PG13
Beta: Scousmuz1K
Genre: Drama/Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own anything relating to the TV show NCIS sadly.
Notes: Sorry I've been MIA! Life has been hectic and a little crappy!
Huge thanks to all of you who've reviewed and PM'ed me. I love you all and really appreciate all the lovely messages.
Now onto the bad news. The lovely Scousemuz1k beta'd this so wonderfully but it somehow kept getting corrupted when she sent it to me. Basically it took out all punctuation and added italics and spaces in strange places. I've gone a quick go through to try and correct but I'm sure it's not perfect...so sorry, forgive any weird errors!
Love you all
Cheeks. xx
~~~ ~~~~
Chapter 18
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Gibbs stood stock still as he absorbed what the fraud unit team lead was telling him. Special Agent Finn concisely recounted what Danvers had witnessed in the break room, with no frills or drama.
Gibbs wasn't entirely surprised. He let a breath out, it could have been worse but it still wasn't good.
DiNozzo had one a hell of a temper; just because people didn't often see it, didn't mean it didn't exist. Most people generally underestimated Tony, seeing only the affable guy and that was usually their downfall because underneath the cool façade ran a deep seam of fire.
What was unusual was the level of anger shown today; that side of DiNozzo usually only reared its ugly head during a difficult case, where stress and lack of sleep caused a loss of control. Any other day Gibbs would have dismissed what Finn was saying, but after yesterdays little stunt, it was definitely a warning that could not be ignored.
"DiNozzo's been under a lot of pressure recently and I just figured you'd want to know, Special Agent Finn said anxiously. "You know I'm not bringing this up to cause shit in your team, right? The guy's on the edge, we can all see it and Samantha's just concerned, we all are. "
"Yeah, Martin, I get that, " Gibbs nodded. The man in front of him wasn't a shit-stirrer by nature; there was no ulterior motive here other than genuine worry.
Finn looked relieved and continued.
"I'm pretty sure that people have got the message not to yank Tony's chain about the Gray case but I can ask around and see if anyone is still being a dick about it. Maybe that triggered this. "
"I appreciate you reading me in and yeah, let me know if you find anyone who 's been ignoring my advice. "
Gibbs put an emphasis on the word letting Finn know just what would happen if he found out that was the case; Vance would have to scrape whoever off the wall by the time he'd finished with them.
He frowned and shifted his eyes past Martin s head. DiNozzo was swiftly making a break for it, heading for the stairs with his backpack and coat; a clear sign that he wasn't just going for coffee.
Gibbs knew he had to extract himself quickly if he wanted to catch up with his fleeing agent. He muttered another brisk thank you to his colleague then set off at a trot across the floor to the stairs, signaling on the way to a nervously hovering McGee and Ziva to stay put. Neither looked happy about it but they didn't follow.
He jogged down the stairs two at a time, his feet thundering in the empty stairwell, until he reached the parking garage.
Gibb quickly scanned the floor.
On the first pass he thought he d already missed his agent but he heard the unmistakable metallic clatter of keys hitting the ground towards the back of the garage and he quickly headed towards the noise.
As he rounded one of the large, round pillars, he saw DiNozzo standing by his car, fumbling with his keys like a drunk after a night on the tiles.
He frowned, but he was still in boss mode and was all set to shout across to Tony, asking where the hell he thought he was going. He never got the chance.
With a lurching heart, he saw his agent sway alarmingly and stumble heavily against the side of his car with aloud thump.
Gibbs was running full tilt without even realizing it, so when DiNozzo 's legs completely buckled he was there.
"Hey, hey, Tony, it's okay," he said as he quickly grabbed the younger man s elbows, stopping him from hitting the concrete below.
His heart was thumping hard in his chest as his thoughts went into overload. He was not sure what the hell was going on but was very much aware that DiNozzo had recently had brain surgery.
Gibbs gently guided him down so Tony was leaning against the car door.
Grabbing his phone out of his pocket as he knelt, with one hand he pressed speed dial.
"Good afternoon," Autopsy Ducky s cheerful voice rang out down the line.
"Duck, I need you down in parking ASAP DiNozzo 's collapsed." He said, not even bothering to hide the rising panic he felt from his old friend.
"Is he conscious?" Ducky quickly asked and Gibbs could hear him already moving, calling for Palmer to bring his bag.
"Yeah, but he doesn't seem with it and his breathing's not good. Shit ..." He ended the call without waiting for a response because, as if mocking his statement, Tony's head suddenly dropped forward and he started slumping towards the floor.
Gibbs threw his phone down next to him and hastily pinned Tony up against the car by his chest withone hand, whilst the other held his chin upwards.
DiNozzo's eyes were unfocused leaving Gibbs with the impression that Tony wasn't even sure he was there.
What he could see was that Tony was breathing way, way to fast.
"Hey, you still with me? You v'e got to slow down your breathing, DiNozzo."
Nothing, there was no response at all. Instead all he got was the sound of loud, wheezing, as the rate of Tony's breathing seemed to increase with every breath.
"Slow and easy, c'mon, Tony, you've got to calm down."
Gibbs tried to keep his voice composed even though he felt anything but.
Was this an asthma attack?
Was that the reason that Tony was gasping like a fish out of water?
He kicked himself as he recalled what McGee had found in the medicine cabinet, searching DiNozzo 's apartment when he d been undercover. He'd been meaning to ream his friend out for keeping the need for the inhalers from the team but with everything that had been going on that conversation had been put on the back burner. He kicked himself about that now.
Images of Tommy-Lee Catmull collapsing in his father s store, empty inhaler still clasped in his hand. Gibbs remembered as clear as day watching his father frantically blow air into his friends lungs, remembered witnessing the look of horror on both his father and mother s faces when Tommy didn 't start breathing again.
He was usually clearheaded, wasn 't prone to panic often but Gibbs would hold his hand up and say that he was shit scared right now because, like back then, he didn't actually know what the fuck was going on.
All he could do was hold DiNozzo's head up and try and calm him down, not that it was doing any good.
He looked down at Tony and the panic increased tenfold at the ominous blue tinge that had started to creep along his lips.
Gibbs had never been so relieved to hear the thump of a fire door opening in his life. He turned his head and saw Ducky and Palmer rushing over.
They both knelt down with a clatter of bags.
"Let us take over now, Jethro." Ducky gently maneuvered him to the side and started to talk to Tony in an even, gentle tone.
Gibbs watched him take DiNozzo 's pulse. Ducky quickly opened Tony 's shirt and listened to his chest and heart whilst Palmer continued to prop him up.
Ducky pursed his lips.
"Mr. Palmer, I do believe you know what Anthony needs right now."
Gibbs noticed the look that Ducky and Palmer exchanged.
"The blue one?" Jimmy Palmer questioned.
"Yes, indeed, I think that will do the trick."
Palmer reached into Ducky s black bag and pulled out an inhaler.
"Come on, dear boy, a couple of puffs of this to start with just to help ease your breathing." Ducky uncapped the lid and placed it into Tony's shaking hand. He took it but Ducky had to guide it up towards his mouth. DiNozzo inhaled several times as if the powdery mist were a lifeline.
"That s it." Ducky gently took the inhaler from the unsteady hand and gave it to Palmer. He then placed his hands either side of Tony's head and looked into his eyes.
"Now, Anthony, I want you to look straight at me, ignore everything else and just take measured and controlled breaths in time with me. Can you do that?"
Gibbs watched as DiNozzo shut his eyes briefly before finally nodding.
It took several nerve-wracking and long minutes before DiNozzo's breathing returned to normal.
Sorry about that. He looked around the group, laughed but there was no humor in it and sat up straighter.
"Feeling a little better now?" Ducky asked.
"Yeah, thanks."
Palmer unscrewed a bottle of mineral water and handed to Tony.
"Thanks, Jimmy." He took a gulp and looked embarrassed as he dribbled most of it down his chin, he swiped his hand across his mouth.
"May I ask how have you been sleeping? " Ducky inquired.
"Not too great to be honest. " Tony flicked his eyes over to Gibbs then back to Ducky.
"Hmmm and have you been taking any stimulants recently?" Ducky asked.
"Drugs, you think he s been taking drugs?" Gibbs snapped his head up and spluttered.
"No!" DiNozzo started to look panicky and his breathing started to rasp again. "I ...shit, I swear I haven t been doing drugs."
"It's okay, Anthony. Calm yourself," Ducky glared at Gibbs. "That 's not what I was insinuating at all stimulants as in too many cups of coffee maybe or that pink goop Abigail drinks?"
DiNozzo flushed red but didn 't answer.
"Tony?" Gibbs stepped leaned forward. "The truth, it's okay."
"Um ...caffeine tablets to keep me awake ...been eating them like Tic-Tac 's I guess," Tony s head snapped up. "Shit, I'm sorry, is that what caused this, Ducky?"
"No need to apologize, Anthony, I very much doubt that is the sole cause but I would lay off the caffeine for the next few days just to be on the safe side. I suspect you need nothing more than several good nights sleep to sort you out and regain your health. I suggest Jimmy should take you home, as I don t believe driving would be prudent right now. Take this in case you feel tightness in your chest again," Ducky pressed the inhaler into Tony s hand. "Rest up, and I also suggest an early night."
Gibbs saw the look relief wash over DiNozzo' s face and wondered what caused it. Was it the fact that he was being let off without further questions or prodding or the fact that he was being released into Palmer's care? He filed the questions away for later perusal.
Jimmy Palmer stood and held out his hand, and helped Tony up.
Again Gibbs watched a look pass between the doctor and his assistant, Ducky shook his head, barely enough to notice but Jimmy did and nodded back, seemingly with an understanding of the situation that he wasn' t read in on.
Gibbs stood and watched as Palmer steered Tony towards his car.
He started to open his mouth but Ducky motioned for silence.
Gibbs waited a full two seconds after the car moved up the ramp and out of the garage.
"What the hell's wrong with him, Duck? Asthma? Shouldn 't he be going to the hospital to get checked out ?" All the questions and worry poured out in one long stream.
Ducky chuckled and patted his arm.
"Relax, Jethro; I would bet my hat that young Anthony experienced nothing more serious than a common or garden panic attack. The inhaler was merely a precaution to quickly relax the muscles surrounding the narrowed airways in his lungs, considering his previous pulmonary issues I thought it wise."
"What?" Gibbs spluttered. Okay, that wasn 't what he d been expecting to hear. A panic attack?
"It's not entirely surprising; Anthony has been under a lot of stress recently, Jethro and there is only so much a person can take. The caffeine tablets would have made him more susceptible to an attack, not only does it act as a strong stimulant but in large enough doses it also creates a wide range of unpleasant physical and mental conditions including nervousness, irritability, restlessness, insomnia, headaches, and heart palpitations."
Gibbs ran a hand through his hair.
"C'mon, Duck. I drink coffee like it's going out of fashion and Abby mainlines the stuff and we're not having panic attacks at the drop of a hat."
Ducky huffed out an exasperated breath.
"Both you and Abigail have built up quite a tolerance over the years but for someone who hasn't, well, you have just seen the results first hand. I should really recommend you cut down on your intake but I suspect I would once again be wasting my breath."
Gibbs rolled his eyes.
"Just as I thought." Ducky started to re-pack his medical bag.
"So is he going to be okay?"
"As I said, he should be fine if he steers clear of the tablets, and gets some decent rest."
Gibbs nodded, partly satisfied.
"But that s not all is it, Duck, I can see it in your face."
Ducky picked up his bag.
"I am rather worried I'll admit. The caffeine tablets only partly account for this little episode. I fear that the stresses and strains of the past few months are weighing heavily on our Anthony."
Gibbs sighed.
"He'll bounce back, Duck, he always does."
Ducky looked disappointed.
"Everyone has their limits, Jethro, as you well know. May I remind you of your sabbatical in Mexico? Maybe an extended holiday would be wise for our friend to get him back on track too."
Gibbs shook his head and followed as Ducky made his way towards the elevator.
"DiNozzo wouldn' t go for that. You know what he 's like, too much time away from the job and he goes stir crazy. He needs to get back into the job and keep his mind busy."
Gibbs pressed the button and watched the lights bounce across the display before he slid his eyes sideways.
"You going to tell me what all that silent messaging going back and forth between you and Palmer were about?"
The doors opened and they stepped inside.
"Ahhhh, nothing gets past you, Jethro. That little subterfuge was nessesary as I think the last thing Anthony needed to hear right now was the fact that he had just experienced a panic attack. He is under enough stress as it is without obsessing about it happening again, because we both know that is exactly what would happen. No, I feel it best for him to think that this was just a reaction to the caffeine tablets."
Ducky hugged his medical bag against his chest.
"I know you think he needs to get back into the swing of things but maybe the lad needs a little more time. His injuries were quite debilitating without all the emotional fallout from his undercover operation."
"You cleared him for duty." Gibb's head snapped around and he looked at his friend.
"Maybe I was a little hasty."
"Duck, if you sign him off again it'll do more damage right now."
The doors opened and they stepped around several agents waiting to enter.
"Need I point out what damage could happen if he had a panic attack whilst out in the field? I would be remiss in my duties if I were to ignore the warning signs. I am willing to give him a little leeway to regain his equilibrium but I cannot turn a blind eye for long, my friend. "
Gibbs grabbed Ducky s elbow.
"My gut tells me that there's more to this than we know about. Give me a little time to get to the bottom of it. He s on desk duty until the end of the week anyway. After that then we ll see, okay? "
Ducky stared at him for several seconds before nodding.
"Very well, Jethro but he needs rest and lots of it. I also suggest that he needs a little levity right now and reminding that he has friends."
"That s the easy part, the team are there for him." Gibbs responded. "They'll ready and willingly to mother hen him if needed."
"Just the team? " Ducky said quietly, raising an eyebrow.
Gibbs quirked an enigmatic smile and turned on his heel.
"Hey, I don't mother hen!" he called back over his shoulder as he made his way towards Abby's lab.
Keep telling yourself that, Jethro, keep telling yourself that. Ducky chuckled as he entered Autopsy, where the smile quickly slid from his face. Anthony was a worry right now. He was so busy trying to act like everything was fine and dandy that he hadn 't noticed the cracks were appearing for everyone to see.
Ducky put his bag down on the floor next to the desk in his office and turned his kettle on. He pulled an Earl Grey tea bag out of the caddy next to the sugar bowl and popped it in his bone china cup.
From watching close at hand he knew that life working in a Federal Agency was neither exciting nor glamorous, it was generally a long hard slow climb up a cliff face and sometimes a series of events made an agent slip and fall straight to the bottom.
Stirring his tea thoughtfully, he sighed. He knew that Anthony was definitely having a hard time getting back on his feet to start the climb again this time and that was indeed worrying.
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Gibbs stepped off the elevator and stalked his way towards Tony s apartment. His mind was elsewhere, going at a thousand miles an hour, so when a voice suddenly boomed his name just behind him he had to admit to doing something that hadn 't happened for many a year, he jumped.
"Never thought I'd manage to sneak up on a sniper at my age."
Gibbs turned and saw DiNozzo 's neighbor Frank beaming at him.
"Can't say I go on high alert in an apartment block mostly filled with corporate bankers and retirees, Frank."
"Hey, I can still shoot a gun or cold cock a head with the best of em, Jethro. Just because I m old doesn' t mean I'm dead!" Frank said with mock outrage.
Gibbs looked beyond the light smile on the ex-cops face and into his eyes. Didn 't take a genius to see they were filled with worry.
"True, true ...so do I need to frisk you for any hidden knives or explosives, Frank or are you going to tell me what's bothering you."
"Straight to the point, huh."
Frank cleared his throat.
"You know what it's like in this place. People generally have got nothing to do but eat, sleep, gossip and wait for the grim reaper. Well, I was down in the laundry room this afternoon and I overheard the residents from 6a and 9b grousing about some angry shouting coming from Tony s apartment in the early hours of this morning. I didn' t hear anything myself but then since I retired I sleep like I 'm in a damn coma but the thing is that s not like DiNozzo; he 's always been pretty considerate about not disturbing people when he comes in late and apart from the odd screamer he used to bring home."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow at that and Frank chuckled again.
"The thing is we don t really hear him. Just figured you' d want to know. Jethro, I 'm worried about him. I' ve seen too many good men burn out. It 's obvious the kid s not having a good time of it right now and if someone is making it worse for him...well, I figured that s something maybe you should look into it."
Frank finished and shrugged, embarrassed like a kid who 'd spoken out of turn.
"I'll definitely look into it, Frank."
The old man nodded, satisfied and retreated back into his apartment.
Gibbs huffed out a sigh. The phone throwing incident making more sense now, if someone was calling him and giving him grief. If he found out Gray's wife and her angry fellatio loving friend were still harassing DiNozzo despite his warnings then they would wish they hadn't been born.
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
"He 's asleep, Sir. " Jimmy closed the door behind them." I made him take a sleeping tablet after we d eaten, even though he didn't want too."
"Good call, Palmer." Gibbs nodded approvingly and had to stop a smirk as the young man flushed beet red at his praise, at least the autopsy gremlin seemed to have stopped looking like he was going to piss his pants whenever they met. "You can go straight home now, Duck said he d clear up autopsy tonight."
Jimmy shifted from foot to foot and made no move to go.
"Go! I'll keep an eye on DiNozzo. "
"Um, it 's not that ...um... I drove Tony 's car here, Special Agent Gibbs and I left my wallet at home . " Jimmy looked embarrassed.
"No problem, here's some money for the cab home and to get into work tomorrow," Gibbs dug out his wallet and handed Jimmy several notes, it was the least he could do.
"Thank you. You see I wasn' t expecting to need any money today, I mean I bought enough for my lunch and a soda and a chocolate bar... uh, you don' t need to know about that . but then Tony collapsed and I left my car at the yard I ll get a receipt and give you the change back first thing tomorrow," He gabbled.
Gibbs held up his hand and quirked an eyebrow at Jimmy 's nervous verbal diarrhea.
"I don t give a crap about the change. Just appreciate your help."
"No problem, Sir, Tony is a good friend. " Jimmy picked up his coat and wound a long scarf around his neck.
"That came as a surprise, he hadn' t been aware that the two men knew each other that well." Gibbs simply clapped him on the shoulder as Jimmy opened the door to leave.
"Is there anything I need to give him if he wakes up? " Gibbs asked.
"If he has trouble breathing there is an inhaler next to the bed, Dr. Mallard said that apart from that, good food and sleep he needs nothing more than to relax . "Jimmy frowned as he looked down the hall towards the bedroom as he stuffed the money in his pocket. "I don t think he s done much of that recently. Well, goodnight, Sir. "
Gibbs let the Sir go. Jimmy Palmer had shown that he was a valuable member of the team.
"Night, Palmer, and thanks again, Kid. "
Jimmy beamed again and trotted down the stairs.
Gibbs shut the door and walked towards the bedroom. He opened the door and peered in.
DiNozzo lay sprawled across his bed fully clothed, one arm flung across his eyes as if to block out the non-existent light in the room. Satisfied that he was still asleep he quietly shut the door behind him.
Padding to the kitchen he turned on the coffee pot. Pursing his lips he walked back into the den; he d already been on high alert but Frank s words just crystalized the need for swift action to try and get to the bottom of whatever was going on with his agent.
He began by flicking through the pile of envelopes on the sideboard, nope, nothing of interest there just the usual utility bills, restaurant menus and mailshots. He turned and headed towards Tony s office . It consisted of an antique mahogany, leather-topped desk that wouldn 't have looked out of place at 221b Baker Street. A green glass angle-poise lamp towered above an assortment of papers, buff files, pens, paperclips and elastic bands. A closed laptop sat in the center of the desk. Gibbs looked towards the bedroom again before turning his attention back to the desk.
Okay, he' d hold his hand up and admit that he was snooping but he was an investigator, that s what he did.
He flipped open the file. The first thing he saw was the FBI copy logo stamped at the top of the page
He started to flick through the pages, scanning each quickly before he slammed it shut with the palm of his hand.
Dammit, he muttered into the silent room.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee drew him back into the kitchen. He poured himself a cup and sipped the scalding liquid.
He should have known that DiNozzo wouldn't have let it lie even though it wasn't their case anymore. He should have known that the unidentified little girl found buried in the Greys' garden would have continued to haunt the man.
God knows who from the FBI had been supplying him with the case notes but it didn' t surprise him that Tony was resourceful enough to get them. The man could sell sand to the Sahara, so getting the case notes to an active FBI case would have been a piece of cake.
And it wasn't just idle curiosity over the case. Nope, the meticulous notes in DiNozzo's hand, written on post-it notes on the pages told their own tale. It looked like Tony was trawling through the databases himself, diggingto see if he could break the case. That probably accounted for the tiredness, and using caffeine tablets as a crutch to get him through the days. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo could get every bit as obsessed as he could and had probably spent many hours when he should have been recuperating after leaving hospital working stealthily at home on the case.
But his gut told him that the lack of progress in finding the identity of the dead girl wasn't the whole story. There was still the late night phone call to add to the equation.
Taking his coffee through to the den he took a large gulp and set his cup down before he went about searching again.
He eventually found what he was looking for in DiNozzo 's coat that had been slung haphazardly over the back of the couch.
It may have been a new phone but the data would still be intact. He managed to get up the recent call log and worked his way through the list. Abby, McGee appeared several times, his number also but then his eyes locked onto one particular name that appeared twice. His hand curled against the cell when he saw it and suddenly Tony throwing his phone against the wall made sense.
Even though from all reports, Tony s father was trying to bridge the gap in their somewhat distant relationship, from what he d seen DiNozzo senior wasn t exactly brimming with tact or nurturing instincts when it came to his son.
He was itching to press dial and have a little chat with the man but that was probably be a bad idea; the way they rubbed each other up the wrong way any conversation would quickly deteriorate into a slanging match and that wouldn't help DiNozzo in the long run.
Gibbs lowered the phone as he thoughtfully chewed on the inside of his cheek as he pondered on how to proceed.
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Tony sat bolt upright. Not sure what the hell was going on.
He didn 't even remember going to bed. Didn 't know what time it was, it could have been early night or early morning.
He ran a hand over his face, feeling the sweat beading his face and neck against his palm.
The dream that woke him was already receding but enough remained to leave him with a queasy, unsettled feeling.
The same dream he d had over and over.
It was snowing, like it had been that night. The dead girl stood in front of him, clutching the dirty rag doll as Grey and the senator molested her. She stared at him, her mouth open in a silent scream of blame.
Sometimes it was Imee who clutching that damn rag doll.
Sometimes, inexplicably, it was Abby.
Sometimes it was Kate.
But the one constant was it was always snowing and he couldn 't move, so he could only ever watch as the two men pushed and pulled whomever. In his dream he was yelling at them, begging them to stop but he had no voice, was invisible.
Swallowing, he tasted bile at the back of his throat.
Water. He needed water.
He was shaking as he got up. His legs felt like rubber.
On the way to the kitchen he noticed the den light on and went to switch it of.
He wasn't expecting to see Gibbs standing in the center of the room with his cell phone in his hand. He looked over at his desk and saw his files in disarray.
Using one hand to steady himself against the doorframe he watched his boss scroll down the screen leaving him in no mind what the man was doing.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Anger chased away the last remnants of his nightmare.
"You only had to ask or does my privacy mean so little to you?"
TBC
Thank you for being patient. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to write! All reviews welcome! :)
*mwah*
Chapter: 18/?
Fandom: NCIS
Author: cheekymice
Rating: PG13
Beta: Scousmuz1K
Genre: Drama/Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own anything relating to the TV show NCIS sadly.
Notes: Sorry I've been MIA! Life has been hectic and a little crappy!
Huge thanks to all of you who've reviewed and PM'ed me. I love you all and really appreciate all the lovely messages.
Now onto the bad news. The lovely Scousemuz1k beta'd this so wonderfully but it somehow kept getting corrupted when she sent it to me. Basically it took out all punctuation and added italics and spaces in strange places. I've gone a quick go through to try and correct but I'm sure it's not perfect...so sorry, forgive any weird errors!
Love you all
Cheeks. xx
~~~ ~~~~
Chapter 18
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Gibbs stood stock still as he absorbed what the fraud unit team lead was telling him. Special Agent Finn concisely recounted what Danvers had witnessed in the break room, with no frills or drama.
Gibbs wasn't entirely surprised. He let a breath out, it could have been worse but it still wasn't good.
DiNozzo had one a hell of a temper; just because people didn't often see it, didn't mean it didn't exist. Most people generally underestimated Tony, seeing only the affable guy and that was usually their downfall because underneath the cool façade ran a deep seam of fire.
What was unusual was the level of anger shown today; that side of DiNozzo usually only reared its ugly head during a difficult case, where stress and lack of sleep caused a loss of control. Any other day Gibbs would have dismissed what Finn was saying, but after yesterdays little stunt, it was definitely a warning that could not be ignored.
"DiNozzo's been under a lot of pressure recently and I just figured you'd want to know, Special Agent Finn said anxiously. "You know I'm not bringing this up to cause shit in your team, right? The guy's on the edge, we can all see it and Samantha's just concerned, we all are. "
"Yeah, Martin, I get that, " Gibbs nodded. The man in front of him wasn't a shit-stirrer by nature; there was no ulterior motive here other than genuine worry.
Finn looked relieved and continued.
"I'm pretty sure that people have got the message not to yank Tony's chain about the Gray case but I can ask around and see if anyone is still being a dick about it. Maybe that triggered this. "
"I appreciate you reading me in and yeah, let me know if you find anyone who 's been ignoring my advice. "
Gibbs put an emphasis on the word letting Finn know just what would happen if he found out that was the case; Vance would have to scrape whoever off the wall by the time he'd finished with them.
He frowned and shifted his eyes past Martin s head. DiNozzo was swiftly making a break for it, heading for the stairs with his backpack and coat; a clear sign that he wasn't just going for coffee.
Gibbs knew he had to extract himself quickly if he wanted to catch up with his fleeing agent. He muttered another brisk thank you to his colleague then set off at a trot across the floor to the stairs, signaling on the way to a nervously hovering McGee and Ziva to stay put. Neither looked happy about it but they didn't follow.
He jogged down the stairs two at a time, his feet thundering in the empty stairwell, until he reached the parking garage.
Gibb quickly scanned the floor.
On the first pass he thought he d already missed his agent but he heard the unmistakable metallic clatter of keys hitting the ground towards the back of the garage and he quickly headed towards the noise.
As he rounded one of the large, round pillars, he saw DiNozzo standing by his car, fumbling with his keys like a drunk after a night on the tiles.
He frowned, but he was still in boss mode and was all set to shout across to Tony, asking where the hell he thought he was going. He never got the chance.
With a lurching heart, he saw his agent sway alarmingly and stumble heavily against the side of his car with aloud thump.
Gibbs was running full tilt without even realizing it, so when DiNozzo 's legs completely buckled he was there.
"Hey, hey, Tony, it's okay," he said as he quickly grabbed the younger man s elbows, stopping him from hitting the concrete below.
His heart was thumping hard in his chest as his thoughts went into overload. He was not sure what the hell was going on but was very much aware that DiNozzo had recently had brain surgery.
Gibbs gently guided him down so Tony was leaning against the car door.
Grabbing his phone out of his pocket as he knelt, with one hand he pressed speed dial.
"Good afternoon," Autopsy Ducky s cheerful voice rang out down the line.
"Duck, I need you down in parking ASAP DiNozzo 's collapsed." He said, not even bothering to hide the rising panic he felt from his old friend.
"Is he conscious?" Ducky quickly asked and Gibbs could hear him already moving, calling for Palmer to bring his bag.
"Yeah, but he doesn't seem with it and his breathing's not good. Shit ..." He ended the call without waiting for a response because, as if mocking his statement, Tony's head suddenly dropped forward and he started slumping towards the floor.
Gibbs threw his phone down next to him and hastily pinned Tony up against the car by his chest withone hand, whilst the other held his chin upwards.
DiNozzo's eyes were unfocused leaving Gibbs with the impression that Tony wasn't even sure he was there.
What he could see was that Tony was breathing way, way to fast.
"Hey, you still with me? You v'e got to slow down your breathing, DiNozzo."
Nothing, there was no response at all. Instead all he got was the sound of loud, wheezing, as the rate of Tony's breathing seemed to increase with every breath.
"Slow and easy, c'mon, Tony, you've got to calm down."
Gibbs tried to keep his voice composed even though he felt anything but.
Was this an asthma attack?
Was that the reason that Tony was gasping like a fish out of water?
He kicked himself as he recalled what McGee had found in the medicine cabinet, searching DiNozzo 's apartment when he d been undercover. He'd been meaning to ream his friend out for keeping the need for the inhalers from the team but with everything that had been going on that conversation had been put on the back burner. He kicked himself about that now.
Images of Tommy-Lee Catmull collapsing in his father s store, empty inhaler still clasped in his hand. Gibbs remembered as clear as day watching his father frantically blow air into his friends lungs, remembered witnessing the look of horror on both his father and mother s faces when Tommy didn 't start breathing again.
He was usually clearheaded, wasn 't prone to panic often but Gibbs would hold his hand up and say that he was shit scared right now because, like back then, he didn't actually know what the fuck was going on.
All he could do was hold DiNozzo's head up and try and calm him down, not that it was doing any good.
He looked down at Tony and the panic increased tenfold at the ominous blue tinge that had started to creep along his lips.
Gibbs had never been so relieved to hear the thump of a fire door opening in his life. He turned his head and saw Ducky and Palmer rushing over.
They both knelt down with a clatter of bags.
"Let us take over now, Jethro." Ducky gently maneuvered him to the side and started to talk to Tony in an even, gentle tone.
Gibbs watched him take DiNozzo 's pulse. Ducky quickly opened Tony 's shirt and listened to his chest and heart whilst Palmer continued to prop him up.
Ducky pursed his lips.
"Mr. Palmer, I do believe you know what Anthony needs right now."
Gibbs noticed the look that Ducky and Palmer exchanged.
"The blue one?" Jimmy Palmer questioned.
"Yes, indeed, I think that will do the trick."
Palmer reached into Ducky s black bag and pulled out an inhaler.
"Come on, dear boy, a couple of puffs of this to start with just to help ease your breathing." Ducky uncapped the lid and placed it into Tony's shaking hand. He took it but Ducky had to guide it up towards his mouth. DiNozzo inhaled several times as if the powdery mist were a lifeline.
"That s it." Ducky gently took the inhaler from the unsteady hand and gave it to Palmer. He then placed his hands either side of Tony's head and looked into his eyes.
"Now, Anthony, I want you to look straight at me, ignore everything else and just take measured and controlled breaths in time with me. Can you do that?"
Gibbs watched as DiNozzo shut his eyes briefly before finally nodding.
It took several nerve-wracking and long minutes before DiNozzo's breathing returned to normal.
Sorry about that. He looked around the group, laughed but there was no humor in it and sat up straighter.
"Feeling a little better now?" Ducky asked.
"Yeah, thanks."
Palmer unscrewed a bottle of mineral water and handed to Tony.
"Thanks, Jimmy." He took a gulp and looked embarrassed as he dribbled most of it down his chin, he swiped his hand across his mouth.
"May I ask how have you been sleeping? " Ducky inquired.
"Not too great to be honest. " Tony flicked his eyes over to Gibbs then back to Ducky.
"Hmmm and have you been taking any stimulants recently?" Ducky asked.
"Drugs, you think he s been taking drugs?" Gibbs snapped his head up and spluttered.
"No!" DiNozzo started to look panicky and his breathing started to rasp again. "I ...shit, I swear I haven t been doing drugs."
"It's okay, Anthony. Calm yourself," Ducky glared at Gibbs. "That 's not what I was insinuating at all stimulants as in too many cups of coffee maybe or that pink goop Abigail drinks?"
DiNozzo flushed red but didn 't answer.
"Tony?" Gibbs stepped leaned forward. "The truth, it's okay."
"Um ...caffeine tablets to keep me awake ...been eating them like Tic-Tac 's I guess," Tony s head snapped up. "Shit, I'm sorry, is that what caused this, Ducky?"
"No need to apologize, Anthony, I very much doubt that is the sole cause but I would lay off the caffeine for the next few days just to be on the safe side. I suspect you need nothing more than several good nights sleep to sort you out and regain your health. I suggest Jimmy should take you home, as I don t believe driving would be prudent right now. Take this in case you feel tightness in your chest again," Ducky pressed the inhaler into Tony s hand. "Rest up, and I also suggest an early night."
Gibbs saw the look relief wash over DiNozzo' s face and wondered what caused it. Was it the fact that he was being let off without further questions or prodding or the fact that he was being released into Palmer's care? He filed the questions away for later perusal.
Jimmy Palmer stood and held out his hand, and helped Tony up.
Again Gibbs watched a look pass between the doctor and his assistant, Ducky shook his head, barely enough to notice but Jimmy did and nodded back, seemingly with an understanding of the situation that he wasn' t read in on.
Gibbs stood and watched as Palmer steered Tony towards his car.
He started to open his mouth but Ducky motioned for silence.
Gibbs waited a full two seconds after the car moved up the ramp and out of the garage.
"What the hell's wrong with him, Duck? Asthma? Shouldn 't he be going to the hospital to get checked out ?" All the questions and worry poured out in one long stream.
Ducky chuckled and patted his arm.
"Relax, Jethro; I would bet my hat that young Anthony experienced nothing more serious than a common or garden panic attack. The inhaler was merely a precaution to quickly relax the muscles surrounding the narrowed airways in his lungs, considering his previous pulmonary issues I thought it wise."
"What?" Gibbs spluttered. Okay, that wasn 't what he d been expecting to hear. A panic attack?
"It's not entirely surprising; Anthony has been under a lot of stress recently, Jethro and there is only so much a person can take. The caffeine tablets would have made him more susceptible to an attack, not only does it act as a strong stimulant but in large enough doses it also creates a wide range of unpleasant physical and mental conditions including nervousness, irritability, restlessness, insomnia, headaches, and heart palpitations."
Gibbs ran a hand through his hair.
"C'mon, Duck. I drink coffee like it's going out of fashion and Abby mainlines the stuff and we're not having panic attacks at the drop of a hat."
Ducky huffed out an exasperated breath.
"Both you and Abigail have built up quite a tolerance over the years but for someone who hasn't, well, you have just seen the results first hand. I should really recommend you cut down on your intake but I suspect I would once again be wasting my breath."
Gibbs rolled his eyes.
"Just as I thought." Ducky started to re-pack his medical bag.
"So is he going to be okay?"
"As I said, he should be fine if he steers clear of the tablets, and gets some decent rest."
Gibbs nodded, partly satisfied.
"But that s not all is it, Duck, I can see it in your face."
Ducky picked up his bag.
"I am rather worried I'll admit. The caffeine tablets only partly account for this little episode. I fear that the stresses and strains of the past few months are weighing heavily on our Anthony."
Gibbs sighed.
"He'll bounce back, Duck, he always does."
Ducky looked disappointed.
"Everyone has their limits, Jethro, as you well know. May I remind you of your sabbatical in Mexico? Maybe an extended holiday would be wise for our friend to get him back on track too."
Gibbs shook his head and followed as Ducky made his way towards the elevator.
"DiNozzo wouldn' t go for that. You know what he 's like, too much time away from the job and he goes stir crazy. He needs to get back into the job and keep his mind busy."
Gibbs pressed the button and watched the lights bounce across the display before he slid his eyes sideways.
"You going to tell me what all that silent messaging going back and forth between you and Palmer were about?"
The doors opened and they stepped inside.
"Ahhhh, nothing gets past you, Jethro. That little subterfuge was nessesary as I think the last thing Anthony needed to hear right now was the fact that he had just experienced a panic attack. He is under enough stress as it is without obsessing about it happening again, because we both know that is exactly what would happen. No, I feel it best for him to think that this was just a reaction to the caffeine tablets."
Ducky hugged his medical bag against his chest.
"I know you think he needs to get back into the swing of things but maybe the lad needs a little more time. His injuries were quite debilitating without all the emotional fallout from his undercover operation."
"You cleared him for duty." Gibb's head snapped around and he looked at his friend.
"Maybe I was a little hasty."
"Duck, if you sign him off again it'll do more damage right now."
The doors opened and they stepped around several agents waiting to enter.
"Need I point out what damage could happen if he had a panic attack whilst out in the field? I would be remiss in my duties if I were to ignore the warning signs. I am willing to give him a little leeway to regain his equilibrium but I cannot turn a blind eye for long, my friend. "
Gibbs grabbed Ducky s elbow.
"My gut tells me that there's more to this than we know about. Give me a little time to get to the bottom of it. He s on desk duty until the end of the week anyway. After that then we ll see, okay? "
Ducky stared at him for several seconds before nodding.
"Very well, Jethro but he needs rest and lots of it. I also suggest that he needs a little levity right now and reminding that he has friends."
"That s the easy part, the team are there for him." Gibbs responded. "They'll ready and willingly to mother hen him if needed."
"Just the team? " Ducky said quietly, raising an eyebrow.
Gibbs quirked an enigmatic smile and turned on his heel.
"Hey, I don't mother hen!" he called back over his shoulder as he made his way towards Abby's lab.
Keep telling yourself that, Jethro, keep telling yourself that. Ducky chuckled as he entered Autopsy, where the smile quickly slid from his face. Anthony was a worry right now. He was so busy trying to act like everything was fine and dandy that he hadn 't noticed the cracks were appearing for everyone to see.
Ducky put his bag down on the floor next to the desk in his office and turned his kettle on. He pulled an Earl Grey tea bag out of the caddy next to the sugar bowl and popped it in his bone china cup.
From watching close at hand he knew that life working in a Federal Agency was neither exciting nor glamorous, it was generally a long hard slow climb up a cliff face and sometimes a series of events made an agent slip and fall straight to the bottom.
Stirring his tea thoughtfully, he sighed. He knew that Anthony was definitely having a hard time getting back on his feet to start the climb again this time and that was indeed worrying.
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Gibbs stepped off the elevator and stalked his way towards Tony s apartment. His mind was elsewhere, going at a thousand miles an hour, so when a voice suddenly boomed his name just behind him he had to admit to doing something that hadn 't happened for many a year, he jumped.
"Never thought I'd manage to sneak up on a sniper at my age."
Gibbs turned and saw DiNozzo 's neighbor Frank beaming at him.
"Can't say I go on high alert in an apartment block mostly filled with corporate bankers and retirees, Frank."
"Hey, I can still shoot a gun or cold cock a head with the best of em, Jethro. Just because I m old doesn' t mean I'm dead!" Frank said with mock outrage.
Gibbs looked beyond the light smile on the ex-cops face and into his eyes. Didn 't take a genius to see they were filled with worry.
"True, true ...so do I need to frisk you for any hidden knives or explosives, Frank or are you going to tell me what's bothering you."
"Straight to the point, huh."
Frank cleared his throat.
"You know what it's like in this place. People generally have got nothing to do but eat, sleep, gossip and wait for the grim reaper. Well, I was down in the laundry room this afternoon and I overheard the residents from 6a and 9b grousing about some angry shouting coming from Tony s apartment in the early hours of this morning. I didn' t hear anything myself but then since I retired I sleep like I 'm in a damn coma but the thing is that s not like DiNozzo; he 's always been pretty considerate about not disturbing people when he comes in late and apart from the odd screamer he used to bring home."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow at that and Frank chuckled again.
"The thing is we don t really hear him. Just figured you' d want to know. Jethro, I 'm worried about him. I' ve seen too many good men burn out. It 's obvious the kid s not having a good time of it right now and if someone is making it worse for him...well, I figured that s something maybe you should look into it."
Frank finished and shrugged, embarrassed like a kid who 'd spoken out of turn.
"I'll definitely look into it, Frank."
The old man nodded, satisfied and retreated back into his apartment.
Gibbs huffed out a sigh. The phone throwing incident making more sense now, if someone was calling him and giving him grief. If he found out Gray's wife and her angry fellatio loving friend were still harassing DiNozzo despite his warnings then they would wish they hadn't been born.
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
"He 's asleep, Sir. " Jimmy closed the door behind them." I made him take a sleeping tablet after we d eaten, even though he didn't want too."
"Good call, Palmer." Gibbs nodded approvingly and had to stop a smirk as the young man flushed beet red at his praise, at least the autopsy gremlin seemed to have stopped looking like he was going to piss his pants whenever they met. "You can go straight home now, Duck said he d clear up autopsy tonight."
Jimmy shifted from foot to foot and made no move to go.
"Go! I'll keep an eye on DiNozzo. "
"Um, it 's not that ...um... I drove Tony 's car here, Special Agent Gibbs and I left my wallet at home . " Jimmy looked embarrassed.
"No problem, here's some money for the cab home and to get into work tomorrow," Gibbs dug out his wallet and handed Jimmy several notes, it was the least he could do.
"Thank you. You see I wasn' t expecting to need any money today, I mean I bought enough for my lunch and a soda and a chocolate bar... uh, you don' t need to know about that . but then Tony collapsed and I left my car at the yard I ll get a receipt and give you the change back first thing tomorrow," He gabbled.
Gibbs held up his hand and quirked an eyebrow at Jimmy 's nervous verbal diarrhea.
"I don t give a crap about the change. Just appreciate your help."
"No problem, Sir, Tony is a good friend. " Jimmy picked up his coat and wound a long scarf around his neck.
"That came as a surprise, he hadn' t been aware that the two men knew each other that well." Gibbs simply clapped him on the shoulder as Jimmy opened the door to leave.
"Is there anything I need to give him if he wakes up? " Gibbs asked.
"If he has trouble breathing there is an inhaler next to the bed, Dr. Mallard said that apart from that, good food and sleep he needs nothing more than to relax . "Jimmy frowned as he looked down the hall towards the bedroom as he stuffed the money in his pocket. "I don t think he s done much of that recently. Well, goodnight, Sir. "
Gibbs let the Sir go. Jimmy Palmer had shown that he was a valuable member of the team.
"Night, Palmer, and thanks again, Kid. "
Jimmy beamed again and trotted down the stairs.
Gibbs shut the door and walked towards the bedroom. He opened the door and peered in.
DiNozzo lay sprawled across his bed fully clothed, one arm flung across his eyes as if to block out the non-existent light in the room. Satisfied that he was still asleep he quietly shut the door behind him.
Padding to the kitchen he turned on the coffee pot. Pursing his lips he walked back into the den; he d already been on high alert but Frank s words just crystalized the need for swift action to try and get to the bottom of whatever was going on with his agent.
He began by flicking through the pile of envelopes on the sideboard, nope, nothing of interest there just the usual utility bills, restaurant menus and mailshots. He turned and headed towards Tony s office . It consisted of an antique mahogany, leather-topped desk that wouldn 't have looked out of place at 221b Baker Street. A green glass angle-poise lamp towered above an assortment of papers, buff files, pens, paperclips and elastic bands. A closed laptop sat in the center of the desk. Gibbs looked towards the bedroom again before turning his attention back to the desk.
Okay, he' d hold his hand up and admit that he was snooping but he was an investigator, that s what he did.
He flipped open the file. The first thing he saw was the FBI copy logo stamped at the top of the page
He started to flick through the pages, scanning each quickly before he slammed it shut with the palm of his hand.
Dammit, he muttered into the silent room.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee drew him back into the kitchen. He poured himself a cup and sipped the scalding liquid.
He should have known that DiNozzo wouldn't have let it lie even though it wasn't their case anymore. He should have known that the unidentified little girl found buried in the Greys' garden would have continued to haunt the man.
God knows who from the FBI had been supplying him with the case notes but it didn' t surprise him that Tony was resourceful enough to get them. The man could sell sand to the Sahara, so getting the case notes to an active FBI case would have been a piece of cake.
And it wasn't just idle curiosity over the case. Nope, the meticulous notes in DiNozzo's hand, written on post-it notes on the pages told their own tale. It looked like Tony was trawling through the databases himself, diggingto see if he could break the case. That probably accounted for the tiredness, and using caffeine tablets as a crutch to get him through the days. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo could get every bit as obsessed as he could and had probably spent many hours when he should have been recuperating after leaving hospital working stealthily at home on the case.
But his gut told him that the lack of progress in finding the identity of the dead girl wasn't the whole story. There was still the late night phone call to add to the equation.
Taking his coffee through to the den he took a large gulp and set his cup down before he went about searching again.
He eventually found what he was looking for in DiNozzo 's coat that had been slung haphazardly over the back of the couch.
It may have been a new phone but the data would still be intact. He managed to get up the recent call log and worked his way through the list. Abby, McGee appeared several times, his number also but then his eyes locked onto one particular name that appeared twice. His hand curled against the cell when he saw it and suddenly Tony throwing his phone against the wall made sense.
Even though from all reports, Tony s father was trying to bridge the gap in their somewhat distant relationship, from what he d seen DiNozzo senior wasn t exactly brimming with tact or nurturing instincts when it came to his son.
He was itching to press dial and have a little chat with the man but that was probably be a bad idea; the way they rubbed each other up the wrong way any conversation would quickly deteriorate into a slanging match and that wouldn't help DiNozzo in the long run.
Gibbs lowered the phone as he thoughtfully chewed on the inside of his cheek as he pondered on how to proceed.
~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
Tony sat bolt upright. Not sure what the hell was going on.
He didn 't even remember going to bed. Didn 't know what time it was, it could have been early night or early morning.
He ran a hand over his face, feeling the sweat beading his face and neck against his palm.
The dream that woke him was already receding but enough remained to leave him with a queasy, unsettled feeling.
The same dream he d had over and over.
It was snowing, like it had been that night. The dead girl stood in front of him, clutching the dirty rag doll as Grey and the senator molested her. She stared at him, her mouth open in a silent scream of blame.
Sometimes it was Imee who clutching that damn rag doll.
Sometimes, inexplicably, it was Abby.
Sometimes it was Kate.
But the one constant was it was always snowing and he couldn 't move, so he could only ever watch as the two men pushed and pulled whomever. In his dream he was yelling at them, begging them to stop but he had no voice, was invisible.
Swallowing, he tasted bile at the back of his throat.
Water. He needed water.
He was shaking as he got up. His legs felt like rubber.
On the way to the kitchen he noticed the den light on and went to switch it of.
He wasn't expecting to see Gibbs standing in the center of the room with his cell phone in his hand. He looked over at his desk and saw his files in disarray.
Using one hand to steady himself against the doorframe he watched his boss scroll down the screen leaving him in no mind what the man was doing.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Anger chased away the last remnants of his nightmare.
"You only had to ask or does my privacy mean so little to you?"
TBC
Thank you for being patient. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to write! All reviews welcome! :)
*mwah*