I wish I was one of those people who look pretty when they cry...
Sometimes I can't breath thinking about how everythign I'm touching right now can't/won't last for long. Everythign feels so fragile, so tenuous, so poorly balanced. Right now I'm so important to some people.. I feel that if I can't control everything to go perfectly, direct life effortlessly (exhausting) my small tower of happiness will collapse. Perhaps we are the ones meant to fall between the cracks. You can say things like "wonderful, perfect, special" but I'll slip away into the nice place where everyone smiles with nostalgia but no one really cares. I hate feeling so helpless, just waiting for this emminent 'end'. Not knowing, relying outside myself. If love depended on something I did, then at least I could know before hand when and why it would end [if it did]. I just want to breath, I just to laugh without hyperventilating in the back of my mind about the future. I just want to jump in a car and drive....