sick sad world
There’s something about depression that not many people get. When you have an up moment and you’re feeling relatively normal to your peers, you haven’t cured yourself. You’re not cured, hell, the battle is only really starting because you’re starting to believe you’re cured. The real battle, oh God is one sick fuck for this, the real battle is when you realize that you are no longer on that personal high anymore. You are no longer living the good life of normalcy. You start to feel that sadness creep back in and it makes you realize that you’ve never really overcome anything. You’ve just been foolishly ignoring all the glaring signs that have been staring at you in the face for months, years. Depression never really leaves you and no amount of lethal medication is going to numb you into an oblivion. It’s all lies, fabricated lies to make you believe that that feeling of being completely numb is normal, it’s not. It’s a lie. That numb feeling you’re experiencing is depression. Oh, it creeps back in so silently doesn’t it? Except, it’s not your standard I’m going to lay in my bed for weeks crying and not ever wanting to see the light again. Oh fuck that, because it’s so much worse. Dreadful is the word to describe it. When you hit that numb feeling, when you no longer feel anything at all, you’ve hit rock bottom. You can’t crawl out of that hole and you can’t climb out of it, you have to tear off your limbs one by one until you get to your beating heart before you can get out of that hole. You have to ruin and wreck yourself in all the best ways imaginable before you can ever think of seeing that fantastic bloody ‘light’ again. There is no light at the end of tunnels. The only thing at the end of tunnels are more stairs.