(no subject)
i think its safe to say that tonight was easily the worst night of my life. not even for the fact that my car is fucked. i don't care that my car is damaged, i don't care that my car insurance is going up, i don't care that my amp might have serious damage done to it, i don't care that im going to have to pay 1000 dollars if not 2000 in damages. it hurts way more on an emotional level, than any monetary damage that could hit me. the reason i started getting into punk rock as a kid, is because i didn't have anyone else that i felt like i could connect with, because there was no one around me that i felt shared the same common beliefs as i did. once i found punk rock, especially when i started high school, i found something that i could identify myself with. once i started getting into the scene, however, i found nothing but fake kids who didn't care about anyone else but themselves (except for a few people, who if they're reading this, know who they are). once again, i felt ostracized, but this time from a group comprised of kids who are all supposed to be in the same position. they're all a bunch of kids who don't have anyone else to turn to.
so i moved back, and i stayed away from the punk rock scene for a while. i stopped going to as many shows, and i stopped playing in punk bands. i still followed the scene and i still followed the same principles, just in a different vein. tonight was the first real local punk rock show ive been to in a long time. im sad to see that nothing has changed. kids are just as jaded as they were before. it scares me to think that the younger generation of kids think punk rock means drinking in the parking lot, or making fun of other kids for their appearance, beliefs, or even musical choices. i know that i sound selfish, and i know that ive made so many great friends that im incredibly appreciative of, that would help me out whenever possible, but there's something so disheartening about the attitude that kids have concerning punk rock today. granted, i don't really look the part, or play in punk rock bands anymore, but i can say with certainty that i keep the same diy, independent ideals, and i've always done whatever i could to help other people, especially the younger generation of kids. if the discrimination, and utter lack of concern for your fellow man is the future of punk rock, from someone who feels that it saved their life, its so hard sometimes for me to keep wanting to be a part of it.
ive always seen punk rock and music as a catharsis, really the one thing that i always thought could pick me up. tonight i saw it falling apart in front of my eyes. call me jaded, call me cynical, call me close minded, whatever. maybe im an idealist. maybe im just expecting too much out of people. there were some genuinely fantastic people i met tonight, who were nothing but nice, and helpful to me...but for everyone one of them that i knew tonight, there were three more completely disrespectful kids that didn't care about anyone else but themselves. even if my car wasn't damaged, id still feel the same way. there's a fine line between rebellion and ignorance, and tonight, the line wasn't only crossed, it was destroyed.
so i moved back, and i stayed away from the punk rock scene for a while. i stopped going to as many shows, and i stopped playing in punk bands. i still followed the scene and i still followed the same principles, just in a different vein. tonight was the first real local punk rock show ive been to in a long time. im sad to see that nothing has changed. kids are just as jaded as they were before. it scares me to think that the younger generation of kids think punk rock means drinking in the parking lot, or making fun of other kids for their appearance, beliefs, or even musical choices. i know that i sound selfish, and i know that ive made so many great friends that im incredibly appreciative of, that would help me out whenever possible, but there's something so disheartening about the attitude that kids have concerning punk rock today. granted, i don't really look the part, or play in punk rock bands anymore, but i can say with certainty that i keep the same diy, independent ideals, and i've always done whatever i could to help other people, especially the younger generation of kids. if the discrimination, and utter lack of concern for your fellow man is the future of punk rock, from someone who feels that it saved their life, its so hard sometimes for me to keep wanting to be a part of it.
ive always seen punk rock and music as a catharsis, really the one thing that i always thought could pick me up. tonight i saw it falling apart in front of my eyes. call me jaded, call me cynical, call me close minded, whatever. maybe im an idealist. maybe im just expecting too much out of people. there were some genuinely fantastic people i met tonight, who were nothing but nice, and helpful to me...but for everyone one of them that i knew tonight, there were three more completely disrespectful kids that didn't care about anyone else but themselves. even if my car wasn't damaged, id still feel the same way. there's a fine line between rebellion and ignorance, and tonight, the line wasn't only crossed, it was destroyed.