sorry dan
im copying and pasting from my xanga because i havent the time to update both. dan, i send you my deepest apologies. i will have the homecoming pics soon. my photo bucket is full so i cant add anymore until i erase some. they are coming. be patient.
im getting so tired of being an experiment for new theories and chinese medicine. today, instead of acupuncture i had a light treatment done. a series of pressure points touched with colored laser pointers in corresponding manners. then again we start over with a new color in new areas of my body... quite uncomfortable to have your shirt pulled down to shove a colored beam into your chest. i live off of herbs and natural remedies taking more vitamins than a cancer patient... my diagnosis: you have another virus. then i get the lecture about it being my fault that my body cant fight off my illnesses. one hit of a bad sickness and i could be done. so i stick to my seaweed capsules and fish oil pills... now she wants my blood. i have to go get my blood taken from me so that she can personally run tests on my progression. when will it ever end? next will be yoga and drinking soy milk. how i wish i went to a normal physician. but then, at the same time, i know that any other person wouldnt care about me the ways she does. they would throw pills at me that eat away my liver and say "good luck, pay at the door." its a mixed feeling of serenity and fear; more or less a pandoras box of medicine. i will never know if her ways are truly pleaseing to God, or if they are defying His perfect ways. but then again, how is pumping our bodies full of dangerous chemicals any better? i guess ill stick to my breathing excercises and vegetarian capsules...
today, even though i was sick, i danced in the rain. i took off my shoes, rolled up my pants and galloped through the puddles like i had always wanted to when i was little but was never allowed to do. i was too busy growing up back then. i let the rain fall on my head and soak my hair. unthinkable for a teenage girl... i laid on the ground and caught raindrops on my tongue and listened to the clanging of windchimes in the distance. i was all alone and it was the first time in quite a while that i have felt truly happy. i felt free from all the chains pulling me down. i felt like i could breath being out of the tension that is trapped between the walls of my house. it was wonderful. i love how God will just give you something so simple that can make you so elated. i dont care if i get even more sick. my immune system is bound to give out anyway and i stopped taking all my pills. i feel half way normal again...
.... and it feels just grand.
im getting so tired of being an experiment for new theories and chinese medicine. today, instead of acupuncture i had a light treatment done. a series of pressure points touched with colored laser pointers in corresponding manners. then again we start over with a new color in new areas of my body... quite uncomfortable to have your shirt pulled down to shove a colored beam into your chest. i live off of herbs and natural remedies taking more vitamins than a cancer patient... my diagnosis: you have another virus. then i get the lecture about it being my fault that my body cant fight off my illnesses. one hit of a bad sickness and i could be done. so i stick to my seaweed capsules and fish oil pills... now she wants my blood. i have to go get my blood taken from me so that she can personally run tests on my progression. when will it ever end? next will be yoga and drinking soy milk. how i wish i went to a normal physician. but then, at the same time, i know that any other person wouldnt care about me the ways she does. they would throw pills at me that eat away my liver and say "good luck, pay at the door." its a mixed feeling of serenity and fear; more or less a pandoras box of medicine. i will never know if her ways are truly pleaseing to God, or if they are defying His perfect ways. but then again, how is pumping our bodies full of dangerous chemicals any better? i guess ill stick to my breathing excercises and vegetarian capsules...
today, even though i was sick, i danced in the rain. i took off my shoes, rolled up my pants and galloped through the puddles like i had always wanted to when i was little but was never allowed to do. i was too busy growing up back then. i let the rain fall on my head and soak my hair. unthinkable for a teenage girl... i laid on the ground and caught raindrops on my tongue and listened to the clanging of windchimes in the distance. i was all alone and it was the first time in quite a while that i have felt truly happy. i felt free from all the chains pulling me down. i felt like i could breath being out of the tension that is trapped between the walls of my house. it was wonderful. i love how God will just give you something so simple that can make you so elated. i dont care if i get even more sick. my immune system is bound to give out anyway and i stopped taking all my pills. i feel half way normal again...
.... and it feels just grand.