(no subject)
Earlier today, after driving around crying and screaming like a baby for nearly three hours and lying on my bathroom floor staring at the ceiling thinking awful thoughts and randomly collapsing into a mess of tears in my kitchen... when the life wasn't working out and everything was a mess and I felt alone and scared and desperate... I turned to you.
I didn't want to do it. I know how annoyed you get every single time I ask you if you want to hang out. I know that you think I'm an obsessive freak because I'm so needy all the time. I know you hate that I have your number, because you're tired of my texts, and my phonecalls that you never return. I know that you're just biting your tounge over how you actually feel about me, because you're afraid of what will happen if you flat out tell me that you don't really want to see me unless you actually have to. I've learned by now that everytime you promise that we'll hang out, it means absolutely nothing. But I had to do it. I desperately needed someone, anyone to talk to. I just needed a friend, a smiling face, someone to listen. So I turned to you. I texted you and asked you if we could get a bite to eat after you got off work. I said I really just needed a friend more than anything right then, and you were literally all I had left. I came to you today, with absolutely no scheme or agenda. I felt all alone in the world, and I was reaching out to you for help. I just needed human contact from someone that I thought gave a shit. I was crying out for someone. I could have been sitting over my bathtub with a razorblade to my wrist for all you knew.
You ignored me.
I didn't want to do it. I know how annoyed you get every single time I ask you if you want to hang out. I know that you think I'm an obsessive freak because I'm so needy all the time. I know you hate that I have your number, because you're tired of my texts, and my phonecalls that you never return. I know that you're just biting your tounge over how you actually feel about me, because you're afraid of what will happen if you flat out tell me that you don't really want to see me unless you actually have to. I've learned by now that everytime you promise that we'll hang out, it means absolutely nothing. But I had to do it. I desperately needed someone, anyone to talk to. I just needed a friend, a smiling face, someone to listen. So I turned to you. I texted you and asked you if we could get a bite to eat after you got off work. I said I really just needed a friend more than anything right then, and you were literally all I had left. I came to you today, with absolutely no scheme or agenda. I felt all alone in the world, and I was reaching out to you for help. I just needed human contact from someone that I thought gave a shit. I was crying out for someone. I could have been sitting over my bathtub with a razorblade to my wrist for all you knew.
You ignored me.