So sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick
fuck if i know why.what with everything thats going on.i'm just so stressed too.and i'm just.depressed. for the first time in a long time i'm having serious....bad...thoughts
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not that this will help and im an idiot but that kinda makes me mad.
theres nothing fucking wrong with your damn life.
it was her time to fucking leave,shes in a better fucking place now,shes happier.
Those other people,it was their time too.
As for Keith,I don't fucking care if he reads this.
Hes an asshole and a dick.
I really hate him right now and I may or may not get over it.
He lost something fucking great,something amazing.
He'll be so fucking sorry that he lost you.
He doesn't deserve you and he never will.You're too go for him.
He needs to get a fucking life and he needs serious help.
The drugs are going to destroy him and when they do I will laugh so hard.No offense.He needs to fucking quit the drugs.
And as for you.You even think about hurting yourself in the tiniest bit even by calling yourself names like stupid and shit.I will be mad at you and I won't talk to you.Its pissing me off.You're not fucking stupid.You're one of the smartest people I know.So what if you can't spell single and a couple other words.If you ever kill yourself I would hate you.(i would try) It probably wouldn't work because its hard to hate you,but I'd try.Because you would be being the biggest fucking baby in the damn world by killing yourself.You'd be taking the easy way out when the rest of us assholes have to tough it out.YOu shouldn't be allowed to take the easy way out.And its not always going to be easy for you but you have to keep going cuz you'll make it.
This may have not been the nicest comment in the world but I want you to know that I love you will all of my heart and I would fucking die if I ever lost you.And thiis you being depressed shit is fucking me up and I can't be happy because of it.And I love you not in some creepy ass lesbian way.You mean everything to me.I know we've had our little fights and we get in stupid dumb retarded fights at school about whether or not airplanes have steering wheels but that only makes our friendship stronger.I don't care how fucking stupid that sounds but its true.I love you so so so much.I need you.I need you to be happy.And you need it too.I'm always going to be here for you no matter what.You can call me anytime you need to.Even next semester when Derrick asks you out and if we don't have a class together you can call me in the middle of class and I'll try to leave and talk to you.There will be a lot of screaming I know that.You can call me anytime you need to,day or night.I will always be here for you.Even if we're fighting and I'm pissed off at you,just tell me you really need to talk to me and I'll listen.I promise.You're my best friend ever and the best friend I've ever had and I can't lose you.I really can't.And its not something I'm gonna risk either....
iloveyou,
caitlin
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