Thanks, Dad!
I caught my girls taunting, "Eww, Josiah's gay!" to their brother the other day. Ooh, my blood almost boiled.
"I do not want to hear you saying that as if it's an insult!" I immediately exclaimed. "So what if he WAS? I have friends who are gay, and I wouldn't want to hear people making fun of them, would you?" I didn't mention that one of my friends that they adored is gay. "I know you may think it's a sin--"
"It is," my daughter interrupted.
"--fine," I strained to say. I try hard to be respectful of their religious beliefs as I'd like others to be of mine. "If that's your religious beliefs, fine. But *I* do not think it's a sin. *I* do not think there's anything wrong with it. And I do not want to hear you using that as insult again."
Later, on the phone with their dad, I explained what happened.
"What?!" he exclaimed. "Where'd they hear such a thing? I do not let them talk like that."
"Well, I want to tell you what I told them, before you accuse me of saying something inappropriate or promoting homosexuality. The girls said they think it's a sin--"
"Good!" he exclaimed with gusto.
"I told them I disagreed." Pause.
"You don't think it's a sin," he said incredulously.
"No, I don't," I said, knowing such things shake the ground of friendly relations. He just laughed, and I'm sure he must've shook his head at me, too. In the past, when child custody was still an issue, I might not have been brave enough to say it. "And I told the kids that even if it were a sin, so are other things like lying, which they do. I repeated to them that Jesus was known for befriending sinners, people that others shunned for being 'bad'. Jesus would want them to be nice and loving to gay people."
"Well, now, I wouldn't want them to be mean to anyone," he said defensively. At least I have that. Thanks, Dad, for your fine teaching!
Off we go to parent-teacher conferences together today!
It's ironic. I am a believer in religious tolerance and freedom. I want my agnostic views to be respected and protected, and I want the right to expose my children to them. Thus, I believe I have to respect the decisions parents make about teaching their children religion. My approach to religion or other debated topics is to teach my children what different groups believe and why, and trust them to make their own decisions about their beliefs. I can't dictate to them what they should believe(!), but I can be honest and factual with them. My ex, however, as a fundamentalist Christian, believes none of these things. His beliefs get stamped into the kids' heads with glee, and with disregard for mine. It's hard to fight battles such as "gay is gross, gay's a sin" while trying to being respectful, tolerant, and non-imposing of my beliefs.
"I do not want to hear you saying that as if it's an insult!" I immediately exclaimed. "So what if he WAS? I have friends who are gay, and I wouldn't want to hear people making fun of them, would you?" I didn't mention that one of my friends that they adored is gay. "I know you may think it's a sin--"
"It is," my daughter interrupted.
"--fine," I strained to say. I try hard to be respectful of their religious beliefs as I'd like others to be of mine. "If that's your religious beliefs, fine. But *I* do not think it's a sin. *I* do not think there's anything wrong with it. And I do not want to hear you using that as insult again."
Later, on the phone with their dad, I explained what happened.
"What?!" he exclaimed. "Where'd they hear such a thing? I do not let them talk like that."
"Well, I want to tell you what I told them, before you accuse me of saying something inappropriate or promoting homosexuality. The girls said they think it's a sin--"
"Good!" he exclaimed with gusto.
"I told them I disagreed." Pause.
"You don't think it's a sin," he said incredulously.
"No, I don't," I said, knowing such things shake the ground of friendly relations. He just laughed, and I'm sure he must've shook his head at me, too. In the past, when child custody was still an issue, I might not have been brave enough to say it. "And I told the kids that even if it were a sin, so are other things like lying, which they do. I repeated to them that Jesus was known for befriending sinners, people that others shunned for being 'bad'. Jesus would want them to be nice and loving to gay people."
"Well, now, I wouldn't want them to be mean to anyone," he said defensively. At least I have that. Thanks, Dad, for your fine teaching!
Off we go to parent-teacher conferences together today!
It's ironic. I am a believer in religious tolerance and freedom. I want my agnostic views to be respected and protected, and I want the right to expose my children to them. Thus, I believe I have to respect the decisions parents make about teaching their children religion. My approach to religion or other debated topics is to teach my children what different groups believe and why, and trust them to make their own decisions about their beliefs. I can't dictate to them what they should believe(!), but I can be honest and factual with them. My ex, however, as a fundamentalist Christian, believes none of these things. His beliefs get stamped into the kids' heads with glee, and with disregard for mine. It's hard to fight battles such as "gay is gross, gay's a sin" while trying to being respectful, tolerant, and non-imposing of my beliefs.