FIC: Vocabulary Lesson by Cowardly Lion
So, a few days back, there was a discussion based on a particular phrasing found in a fic that seemed a bit off. This story is the result.
Just under 1,600 words, it is rated R, I think, due to language. Many thanks to Mare for the quick beta.
Synopsis: Jack and Teal'c help Daniel expand his vocabulary. Sam's glad she missed it.
Vocabulary Lesson by Cowardly Lion
The translation was going very well. The tablet that SG-13 had brought back from PR2-T76 was in excellent shape and had been carved in a language with which Daniel was very familiar. Daniel's stomach rumbled and he checked the time. After 1:00 p.m. Definitely time for lunch. He just wanted to finish up the last few lines and then he'd see if Jack had eaten yet or not. Hmmm...maybe he better call Jack now and ask him.
Daniel had just picked up the telephone when Jack and Teal'c came into his office.
"Come on," Jack ordered. "Let's go."
Confused, Daniel tried to remember if there was a meeting he had forgotten. "Go where?"
"We wish for you to accompany us to lunch," explained Teal'c.
Ah. No forgotten meeting. No prearranged lunch date. Jack was in presumptuous mode. Daniel was used to that.
"Sounds good guys. I just need a minute to finish this translation."
Jack stuck his hands in his pockets, then leaned forward to peer at the tablet. Two days ago, he had accidentally dropped a clay figurine he'd been juggling and ever since then he'd been very careful not to touch anything in Daniel's office. Daniel figured that his circumspect attitude would wear off over the next few days and then it would be business as usual with Jack juggling precious artifacts and an exasperated Daniel trying to rescue them.
"Old rock with squiggles. What's it say?"
"It's a creation myth. It focuses on Nehep, who seems to be a creator deity, and Neb-ta-ankhtet which means "Lord of the Land of Life" and describes how the land came to be filled with plants and animals."
"Oh? And how does one fill a planet? Any way-cool tech that we can use?"
"No, no technology. More like the old fashioned way," replied Daniel. "But since Nehep and Neb-ta-ankhtet are both male, I'm not sure I can tell you the details given the constraints of Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Jack looked curious. "Too late. I already asked."
"Or perhaps you could divulge the story to me, as I am not under the same restrictions as O'Neill."
The whole time he'd been translating, Daniel had been anticipating Jack's reaction to a myth which described an act the two of them enjoyed. Of course, Jack wouldn't be able to say anything in front of Teal'c, but Jack would look at Daniel and there'd be that frisson of remembered pleasure between them.
"Okay, it says, um, where'd it go..." Daniel ran his fingers over the text, looking for the relevant passage. "Ah! Here it is. Nehep laid his hand upon himself and Neb-ta-ankhtet laid his hand upon the hand of Nehep. Together they brought forth the seed of Nehep and Neb-ta-ankhtet ate greedily of it. From this did spring the beasts of the fields and the air and the fruits of the land."
"You mean he drank of it."
"No, ate."
Jack pulled his chin down and scrunched his eyebrows. "Well that can't be right. You must have translated wrong."
Teal'c frowned but said nothing.
Jack questioning his translation definitely wasn't the response Daniel had expected. Where was the knowing look shared between them? The meaningful glance full of smoldering memory? Sure Jack couldn't very well say out loud I love when we do that, but there were ways of getting the thought across as Daniel knew well from past experience.
"No," said Daniel. "It's quite clear. See?"
Daniel pointed and Teal'c leaned forward to study the area in question, while Jack gave Daniel an affronted stare, as if Daniel was responsible for what he considered to be the dubious content of a millennia old tablet.
Daniel continued, surprisingly disappointed at the lack of reaction from Jack. "This portion of the tablet is completely undamaged and the glyphs are easy to see. Neb-ta-ankhtet ate greedily of Nehep's, um, seed.
Jack drew his shoulders up around his ears and curled his upper lip in distaste. "What the hell kind of diet is Nubby on that Numfar's gotta chew his spew? What, is Nubby splooging cottage cheese or something?"
"And what is the diet of Neb-ta-ankhtet that he so eagerly consumes the essence of Nehep?"
"Splooge?" Daniel looked at Jack.
"Essence?" Jack looked at Teal'c.
"Is that not a correct term?" Teal'c asked of Daniel.
"It's fine, Teal'c."
"Kinda vague, though, don'tcha think?"
"Vague?"
"Well, yeah, T. I mean, essence could refer to a lot of things. In fact, a few years back there was a chick shampoo called Herbal Essence, and I really don't think that was one of the ingredients." Jack pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Though come to think of it, the women in the commercials were acting as if it was in their immediate future."
"What term, then, would you suggest I use?"
Daniel couldn't believe he was having this conversation. Actually, what he couldn't believe was how embarrassed and uncomfortable he felt. He was a grown man, for heaven's sake. He was an adult and a scholar and was addressing two of his closest friends, one of whom was also his lover. He should be able to handle this without blushing which the faint warmth on his cheeks told him he was doing. But if Teal'c was willing to ask, the least Daniel could do was help him.
"It's often referred to as semen, though technically it is seminal fluid and the semen is carried within it."
"Jism."
Ignoring Jack, Daniel continued. "It is also called ejaculate or--"
"Love Juice."
"--it might be referred to as emissions--"
"Motion lotion."
"--or discharge--"
"Ew! Discharge! That sounds like something you need to go to the pecker checker for."
"Pecker checker?"
"I think he's referring to a clinic or other medical attention, Teal'c."
"Hey, T- don't they have nicknames for this stuff on Chulak?"
"Indeed."
"And? So? Therefore?"
"Cream of Jaffa. Liquid naquada. Grease for the axle and wheel." Teal'c hesitated. "I am uncertain of the exact translation, but this refers to a mixture as for baking, but it is a mixture that will result in a child."
"Ah! Baby batter! Yeah, we've got that one, too. Nothing about chewy cottage cheese?"
"No."
"Teal'c, wouldn't you prefer to stick with the, um, less colloquial, less idiomatic terms?"
"For crying out loud Daniel. Don't tell me you've never used any of the slang terms before."
As Jack was well aware, it wasn't that Daniel didn't know the synonyms, he just didn't usually say them. Daniel's vocabulary was more reserved, even in intimate moments, whereas Jack was all kinds of raunchy so it all evened out.
"Look, I just think that--"
"Come on, quit being so clinical. Give us a new slang one."
"There are plenty of proper terms--"
"Dump the text book terms! Give Teal'c something he can use with the Marines."
"There's no need--"
"Do it! Do it! Do it!"
"Oh for God's sake, Jack! MANCHOWDER!"
There was dead silence for a moment, then Jack punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Way to go, Daniel."
Teal'c looked amused. Daniel put his fingers on the bridge of nose, shifting his glasses up, and pinched, trying hard to quell the urge to pinch Jack instead.
From the open doorway there came the sound of a throat clearing and they turned to see Sam standing there, eyeing them. "This is one of those conversations I'm glad I missed, isn't it?
Oh, hell. How much had she heard? Mortified, Daniel could feel the skin on his face burning up and wondered just how red he was. Not for the first time, he cursed his fair complexion. "It's one of those conversations that I wish I had missed."
Jack grinned and clapped Teal'c on the shoulder. "I, for one, had fun. I even learned a few new things."
Teal'c inclined his head. "It was indeed most informative."
"Uh-huh," Sam said skeptically. "I'm going to go with ignorance is bliss."
"I think that's best," said Daniel. "Believe me, I would really like to un-know some of this."
Jack rubbed his hands together. "So, lunch everyone?"
Sam smiled. "That's why I stopped by."
"I could use a sandwich." Daniel reached for his keyboard to lock his workstation.
Sam bumped Tealc with her elbow. "I hear they've got that dessert you like that's made with fruit and Jell-o and cottage cheese."
Teal'c didn't look as pleased as he usually did at the news. "It is my intent to refrain from curdled dairy products for the foreseeable future."
Sam headed out the door, with Teal'c right behind her and Jack trailing them both.
"So, you planning to eschew cottage cheese?" noted Jack. "Isn't that what got us started in the first place?"
Sam and Teal'c turned when Jack yelped.
"Is there something the matter, O'Neill?"
"Stubbed my toe," Jack lied smoothly.
They all headed for the corridor, with Jack rubbing his butt. Like Daniel, Jack wouldn't indulge in that sort of conversation in mixed company, but unlike Daniel, in fact specifically to annoy Daniel, he would cheerfully make oblique references to it until the cows came home. Let Jack glare all he wanted, but if he said another word in front of Sam, Daniel wouldn't hesitate to pinch him again. Later tonight, though, Daniel would kiss it better then demonstrate just how much fun creation myths could be.
Finis
Just under 1,600 words, it is rated R, I think, due to language. Many thanks to Mare for the quick beta.
Synopsis: Jack and Teal'c help Daniel expand his vocabulary. Sam's glad she missed it.
Vocabulary Lesson by Cowardly Lion
The translation was going very well. The tablet that SG-13 had brought back from PR2-T76 was in excellent shape and had been carved in a language with which Daniel was very familiar. Daniel's stomach rumbled and he checked the time. After 1:00 p.m. Definitely time for lunch. He just wanted to finish up the last few lines and then he'd see if Jack had eaten yet or not. Hmmm...maybe he better call Jack now and ask him.
Daniel had just picked up the telephone when Jack and Teal'c came into his office.
"Come on," Jack ordered. "Let's go."
Confused, Daniel tried to remember if there was a meeting he had forgotten. "Go where?"
"We wish for you to accompany us to lunch," explained Teal'c.
Ah. No forgotten meeting. No prearranged lunch date. Jack was in presumptuous mode. Daniel was used to that.
"Sounds good guys. I just need a minute to finish this translation."
Jack stuck his hands in his pockets, then leaned forward to peer at the tablet. Two days ago, he had accidentally dropped a clay figurine he'd been juggling and ever since then he'd been very careful not to touch anything in Daniel's office. Daniel figured that his circumspect attitude would wear off over the next few days and then it would be business as usual with Jack juggling precious artifacts and an exasperated Daniel trying to rescue them.
"Old rock with squiggles. What's it say?"
"It's a creation myth. It focuses on Nehep, who seems to be a creator deity, and Neb-ta-ankhtet which means "Lord of the Land of Life" and describes how the land came to be filled with plants and animals."
"Oh? And how does one fill a planet? Any way-cool tech that we can use?"
"No, no technology. More like the old fashioned way," replied Daniel. "But since Nehep and Neb-ta-ankhtet are both male, I'm not sure I can tell you the details given the constraints of Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Jack looked curious. "Too late. I already asked."
"Or perhaps you could divulge the story to me, as I am not under the same restrictions as O'Neill."
The whole time he'd been translating, Daniel had been anticipating Jack's reaction to a myth which described an act the two of them enjoyed. Of course, Jack wouldn't be able to say anything in front of Teal'c, but Jack would look at Daniel and there'd be that frisson of remembered pleasure between them.
"Okay, it says, um, where'd it go..." Daniel ran his fingers over the text, looking for the relevant passage. "Ah! Here it is. Nehep laid his hand upon himself and Neb-ta-ankhtet laid his hand upon the hand of Nehep. Together they brought forth the seed of Nehep and Neb-ta-ankhtet ate greedily of it. From this did spring the beasts of the fields and the air and the fruits of the land."
"You mean he drank of it."
"No, ate."
Jack pulled his chin down and scrunched his eyebrows. "Well that can't be right. You must have translated wrong."
Teal'c frowned but said nothing.
Jack questioning his translation definitely wasn't the response Daniel had expected. Where was the knowing look shared between them? The meaningful glance full of smoldering memory? Sure Jack couldn't very well say out loud I love when we do that, but there were ways of getting the thought across as Daniel knew well from past experience.
"No," said Daniel. "It's quite clear. See?"
Daniel pointed and Teal'c leaned forward to study the area in question, while Jack gave Daniel an affronted stare, as if Daniel was responsible for what he considered to be the dubious content of a millennia old tablet.
Daniel continued, surprisingly disappointed at the lack of reaction from Jack. "This portion of the tablet is completely undamaged and the glyphs are easy to see. Neb-ta-ankhtet ate greedily of Nehep's, um, seed.
Jack drew his shoulders up around his ears and curled his upper lip in distaste. "What the hell kind of diet is Nubby on that Numfar's gotta chew his spew? What, is Nubby splooging cottage cheese or something?"
"And what is the diet of Neb-ta-ankhtet that he so eagerly consumes the essence of Nehep?"
"Splooge?" Daniel looked at Jack.
"Essence?" Jack looked at Teal'c.
"Is that not a correct term?" Teal'c asked of Daniel.
"It's fine, Teal'c."
"Kinda vague, though, don'tcha think?"
"Vague?"
"Well, yeah, T. I mean, essence could refer to a lot of things. In fact, a few years back there was a chick shampoo called Herbal Essence, and I really don't think that was one of the ingredients." Jack pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Though come to think of it, the women in the commercials were acting as if it was in their immediate future."
"What term, then, would you suggest I use?"
Daniel couldn't believe he was having this conversation. Actually, what he couldn't believe was how embarrassed and uncomfortable he felt. He was a grown man, for heaven's sake. He was an adult and a scholar and was addressing two of his closest friends, one of whom was also his lover. He should be able to handle this without blushing which the faint warmth on his cheeks told him he was doing. But if Teal'c was willing to ask, the least Daniel could do was help him.
"It's often referred to as semen, though technically it is seminal fluid and the semen is carried within it."
"Jism."
Ignoring Jack, Daniel continued. "It is also called ejaculate or--"
"Love Juice."
"--it might be referred to as emissions--"
"Motion lotion."
"--or discharge--"
"Ew! Discharge! That sounds like something you need to go to the pecker checker for."
"Pecker checker?"
"I think he's referring to a clinic or other medical attention, Teal'c."
"Hey, T- don't they have nicknames for this stuff on Chulak?"
"Indeed."
"And? So? Therefore?"
"Cream of Jaffa. Liquid naquada. Grease for the axle and wheel." Teal'c hesitated. "I am uncertain of the exact translation, but this refers to a mixture as for baking, but it is a mixture that will result in a child."
"Ah! Baby batter! Yeah, we've got that one, too. Nothing about chewy cottage cheese?"
"No."
"Teal'c, wouldn't you prefer to stick with the, um, less colloquial, less idiomatic terms?"
"For crying out loud Daniel. Don't tell me you've never used any of the slang terms before."
As Jack was well aware, it wasn't that Daniel didn't know the synonyms, he just didn't usually say them. Daniel's vocabulary was more reserved, even in intimate moments, whereas Jack was all kinds of raunchy so it all evened out.
"Look, I just think that--"
"Come on, quit being so clinical. Give us a new slang one."
"There are plenty of proper terms--"
"Dump the text book terms! Give Teal'c something he can use with the Marines."
"There's no need--"
"Do it! Do it! Do it!"
"Oh for God's sake, Jack! MANCHOWDER!"
There was dead silence for a moment, then Jack punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Way to go, Daniel."
Teal'c looked amused. Daniel put his fingers on the bridge of nose, shifting his glasses up, and pinched, trying hard to quell the urge to pinch Jack instead.
From the open doorway there came the sound of a throat clearing and they turned to see Sam standing there, eyeing them. "This is one of those conversations I'm glad I missed, isn't it?
Oh, hell. How much had she heard? Mortified, Daniel could feel the skin on his face burning up and wondered just how red he was. Not for the first time, he cursed his fair complexion. "It's one of those conversations that I wish I had missed."
Jack grinned and clapped Teal'c on the shoulder. "I, for one, had fun. I even learned a few new things."
Teal'c inclined his head. "It was indeed most informative."
"Uh-huh," Sam said skeptically. "I'm going to go with ignorance is bliss."
"I think that's best," said Daniel. "Believe me, I would really like to un-know some of this."
Jack rubbed his hands together. "So, lunch everyone?"
Sam smiled. "That's why I stopped by."
"I could use a sandwich." Daniel reached for his keyboard to lock his workstation.
Sam bumped Tealc with her elbow. "I hear they've got that dessert you like that's made with fruit and Jell-o and cottage cheese."
Teal'c didn't look as pleased as he usually did at the news. "It is my intent to refrain from curdled dairy products for the foreseeable future."
Sam headed out the door, with Teal'c right behind her and Jack trailing them both.
"So, you planning to eschew cottage cheese?" noted Jack. "Isn't that what got us started in the first place?"
Sam and Teal'c turned when Jack yelped.
"Is there something the matter, O'Neill?"
"Stubbed my toe," Jack lied smoothly.
They all headed for the corridor, with Jack rubbing his butt. Like Daniel, Jack wouldn't indulge in that sort of conversation in mixed company, but unlike Daniel, in fact specifically to annoy Daniel, he would cheerfully make oblique references to it until the cows came home. Let Jack glare all he wanted, but if he said another word in front of Sam, Daniel wouldn't hesitate to pinch him again. Later tonight, though, Daniel would kiss it better then demonstrate just how much fun creation myths could be.
Finis