Jun 26, 2005 00:49
i have been feeling so unexplainable lately...
i keep looking for a way to express myself, an outlet thats true to me, and i try to paint and i realize i have no painting skills whatsoever, i try to draw and i lack in that, i try to write it out but the words do not make my feelings come alive and are completley inacurate, i try to write a poem, play the piano, and it all seems like its not fulfilling enough....
i keep looking up at the sky wishing to be in the keys on a cloudless windy night standing at the edge of the dock at the resturaunt we visited last time and just sit there looking up and a black sky dotted with white vibrant stars... it has been the most recent time i felt alive and so connected with my Creator and with nature, and then to look off into the distance and see two dolphins jumping only ten feet from the edge of the dock... i just long for some serenity, for the hustle and bustle to stop, for my feelings worries, hopes and dreams, just silence themselves for me to stop and think and realize the beauty around me, to soak it all up and just take it all in...
my dreams keep coming... i get into the dream spells where for weeks, sometimes even months in a row my dream is focused on a guy, never sexually, just as a love/like interest, and when i try to remember it to go write it down in my journal the images are fleeting, and the plot and story is very elusive and vague. i turn it over in my head and remember it and still parts are missing or people and thier intentions are indistinguishable... its crazy. i think i've come to the conclusion that dreams are not made to be remembered and kept on paper... because once again, even when i do my best in explaining it, the story i write doesnt give my dream justice, the story i write is weak and so hard to understand... if only....
ps.... i finally get the whole starwars thing... oh man... "luke i am your father..." i get it i get it... it only took... what like seven or eight years... not tooo bad... (thank you buckerthead!!!)
pss... for those of you looking to catch a good movie, i strongly recomend BEWITCHED it rocked my socks off... lol