(no subject)
Okay, I have a weakness for Religious Jokes, and if St Peter is involved and people trying to talk their way into heaven... It's gonna get "repeated"
(Cut/Hidden because NSF, or for small Children) Emily, and Erin, *do not look!*
Oh look over there, it's a Huge Rabbit dressed in a Hula Skirt!
Three guys are sitting in the waiting room in heaven, when St. Peter comes out and says, "Ok, I only have one slot left for the day, so I'm going to pick the one of you with the best story. He points at the first guy and says, "You. You've been here longest. Tell me what happened."
"Well, says the guy. "I've known for a long time that my wife was having an affair, but I couldn't catch her. So, I hatched an elaborate plan, told her I was traveling for work, bought plane tickets and left them where she could see them, the whole thing. After I was supposed to be in another city, I snuck back into our apartment. But damn if she didn't STILL hear me coming. When I got to the bedroom, she was just sitting there in the bed, looking smug. I almost believed her, but then I heard a sound on the balcony -- we live 15 stories up -- and there's a naked man hanging off the railing! I flew into a rage, ran out on the balcony, and started beating on his hands, kicking at him, screaming, but he would not let go. Finally, I lost my mind, rushed in, picked up the refrigerator, and threw it over the balcony, knocking him down to his death. But in the meantime, I had a heart attack, and died immediately."
"Wow," said St. Pete. "That's... Wow. Quite a story. Ok, you," and he points to another guy. "What's your story, and it better be good."
"Well," said the second guy. I live on the 16th floor of an apartment building. I'm a bit of a health nut, so I work out, in the nude, on my balcony for a few hours every morning. The woman who lives below me has really loud sex almost every morning, too, and I admit, I've picked up a habit of watching for a few minutes, hanging over my balcony ledge. Well, this morning, she told her guy that her husband was out of town, and they could be REALLY kinky, and I kinda lost my head, leaned too far over, and fell. Luckily, I caught the balcony railing below me, but then, suddenly, the woman's husband comes screaming out and starts hitting me and kicking me. Like I said, I'm a health nut, and I'm strong, so I was doing okay until he threw a fridge at me. 15 floors is a long way to fall, and I died on impact."
By now, St. Peter was looking a bit turned on, but he fanned himself off a bit and turned to the third guy. "I don't know how you can top these two stories, but let's have it."
"Picture this," said guy #3: "There I am, naked, hiding in a fridge..."
(Cut/Hidden because NSF, or for small Children) Emily, and Erin, *do not look!*
Oh look over there, it's a Huge Rabbit dressed in a Hula Skirt!
Three guys are sitting in the waiting room in heaven, when St. Peter comes out and says, "Ok, I only have one slot left for the day, so I'm going to pick the one of you with the best story. He points at the first guy and says, "You. You've been here longest. Tell me what happened."
"Well, says the guy. "I've known for a long time that my wife was having an affair, but I couldn't catch her. So, I hatched an elaborate plan, told her I was traveling for work, bought plane tickets and left them where she could see them, the whole thing. After I was supposed to be in another city, I snuck back into our apartment. But damn if she didn't STILL hear me coming. When I got to the bedroom, she was just sitting there in the bed, looking smug. I almost believed her, but then I heard a sound on the balcony -- we live 15 stories up -- and there's a naked man hanging off the railing! I flew into a rage, ran out on the balcony, and started beating on his hands, kicking at him, screaming, but he would not let go. Finally, I lost my mind, rushed in, picked up the refrigerator, and threw it over the balcony, knocking him down to his death. But in the meantime, I had a heart attack, and died immediately."
"Wow," said St. Pete. "That's... Wow. Quite a story. Ok, you," and he points to another guy. "What's your story, and it better be good."
"Well," said the second guy. I live on the 16th floor of an apartment building. I'm a bit of a health nut, so I work out, in the nude, on my balcony for a few hours every morning. The woman who lives below me has really loud sex almost every morning, too, and I admit, I've picked up a habit of watching for a few minutes, hanging over my balcony ledge. Well, this morning, she told her guy that her husband was out of town, and they could be REALLY kinky, and I kinda lost my head, leaned too far over, and fell. Luckily, I caught the balcony railing below me, but then, suddenly, the woman's husband comes screaming out and starts hitting me and kicking me. Like I said, I'm a health nut, and I'm strong, so I was doing okay until he threw a fridge at me. 15 floors is a long way to fall, and I died on impact."
By now, St. Peter was looking a bit turned on, but he fanned himself off a bit and turned to the third guy. "I don't know how you can top these two stories, but let's have it."
"Picture this," said guy #3: "There I am, naked, hiding in a fridge..."