the worst thing in life is when the dreams that we are dreaming come true
i love dreams but sometimes they are the worst things in the world
last sat day i had a dream that Shawn broke up with me
and guess what happened yesterday?
so yeah, it was hard, it hurt, more then i can put into words. and honestly, i didn't cry that much. might be due to the fact that i spent most of my week crying- well sun-tue.
i still don't know the cause, seems like a classic theme from this summer. causes being uncertain.
i guess it is for the better, i just hope/pray/wish that he feels the pain. if i hate anything it is liars, and that is what he was. a person cannot utter the three sacred words and then say that it is nothing. emotions were involved, a heart was broken.
the good new is that when i was with him, yesterday, i did not cry in front of him. and i must say that was the hardest thing to do. i kept fairly stoic the entire time.
he threw accusations at me, and i just nodded, defended myself a little but not much.
after many hours of thinking, i find out the reasons for some of the accusations which i must say pissed me off. i was accused of changing and even though that was true one important factor was neglected. i encountered death for the first time this summer, death of someone i love and will always miss. death of a physical constant who is now only here in spirit. so yes, i changed. i became uncertain, my world was torn. but i guess being him, he did not realize that. so i took it upon myelf to clarify that to him and added in some helpful footnote that also might help him in the future- i did this by e-mail.
yes i am still uncertain, but certainty will only come with time. and if by chance i do have another boyfriend, i will not keep it a secret from my father. it was too hard. not lying per say but only telling half truths. that was not me. yes i will be seeing him again- at the ren faire, and i will be friendly. we ended on a good note. no yelling or anything of that nature.
so yeah, that was my day.
right now, i am not hurting, but in a few hours i might be.
word of advice to anyone that reads this: gaurd your heart, keep the three sacred words sacred until you know for sure. be independent, be kind, and be yourself. dont fool yourself, be who you are.
last sat day i had a dream that Shawn broke up with me
and guess what happened yesterday?
so yeah, it was hard, it hurt, more then i can put into words. and honestly, i didn't cry that much. might be due to the fact that i spent most of my week crying- well sun-tue.
i still don't know the cause, seems like a classic theme from this summer. causes being uncertain.
i guess it is for the better, i just hope/pray/wish that he feels the pain. if i hate anything it is liars, and that is what he was. a person cannot utter the three sacred words and then say that it is nothing. emotions were involved, a heart was broken.
the good new is that when i was with him, yesterday, i did not cry in front of him. and i must say that was the hardest thing to do. i kept fairly stoic the entire time.
he threw accusations at me, and i just nodded, defended myself a little but not much.
after many hours of thinking, i find out the reasons for some of the accusations which i must say pissed me off. i was accused of changing and even though that was true one important factor was neglected. i encountered death for the first time this summer, death of someone i love and will always miss. death of a physical constant who is now only here in spirit. so yes, i changed. i became uncertain, my world was torn. but i guess being him, he did not realize that. so i took it upon myelf to clarify that to him and added in some helpful footnote that also might help him in the future- i did this by e-mail.
yes i am still uncertain, but certainty will only come with time. and if by chance i do have another boyfriend, i will not keep it a secret from my father. it was too hard. not lying per say but only telling half truths. that was not me. yes i will be seeing him again- at the ren faire, and i will be friendly. we ended on a good note. no yelling or anything of that nature.
so yeah, that was my day.
right now, i am not hurting, but in a few hours i might be.
word of advice to anyone that reads this: gaurd your heart, keep the three sacred words sacred until you know for sure. be independent, be kind, and be yourself. dont fool yourself, be who you are.