The Good, The Bad, and The Chloe
Smallville: 8-22: Doomsday
brijeana made me this picture of Chloe wearing the Bow Hat.
Chloe should have been wearing the Bow Hat throughout this episode. It would have looked particularly fetching at XJimmy Part One's funeral. It always helps for the divorcée widow to look particularly fetching at her X's funeral because she can pick up some guy to soothe her grief. Funerals are great pick-up occasions.
Yeah, I'd hit that.
And Chloe did need soothing, she lost her XJimmy Part One and her lover, Davis, and her Honeymooner, Doomsday, and all in a space of a couple of hours. I mean boyfriends are not like flies, not even on Smallville. It takes a while to propagate them and breed them and raise them up to be boyfriend material. You can't go losing them in rapid succession. Ask Lana about this. The woes that Lana had trying to keep a boyfriend alive when she lived in Smallville. I just can't begin to tell you...Lana could, but she's out hunting and bagging and tagging new ones. It takes all a girl's time.
Oh, and Chloe lost her cousin, Lois, too. But not to worry. Lois will find Chloe, even if she has to hunt her through time, the Phantom Zone, Khandor, and the Amazon Basin. Because that is what Lois does...she hunts and finds Chloe. This makes it convenient for Chloe. Chloe doesn't have to stop trying to stop the boyfriend death drain and hunt down Lois. Chloe knows that Lois will hunt her down.
Before Chloe had to go to the X's funeral (he was still alive at the time), Chloe was hanging out on the edge of Edge City with her lover, Davis on top of the hood of a car. The car looked kind of like her Honeymooner, Doomsday, same spikes and jagged edges both physically and emotionally.
Davis was entertaining Chloe with a story...a spooky story that the Greek Stephen King wrote. The Greek Stephen King's name was Bullfinch Mythology.
The story was about this hippie, daffodilly chick named Persephone (yeah, her mom, Demeter, was a hippie mom chick and named her little Love Child, Persephone Sunshine Aboveground). Persephone was out in a field of wild flowers one day doing yoga and chanting her mantra..."Man, Man, Man, Gimme..." and picking flowers and making them into leis. When all of a sudden, THE DARK LORD of Hades (I'm guessing that this was Batman) swoops up from the ground or down from the sky (maybe he was in his Bat-helicopter) and kidnaps the daffodilly hippie chick, Persephone without even a pickup line like, "Hey, want a flower little hippie chick girl?" or "Do me baby, so I won't Do others."
Anyway, Batman does her in the field of flowers, and then in the tunnel of love that led to the BatCave where he did her up and down the walls and that made Alfred happy because then he didn't have to clean the walls for a while. And Persephone, who was a Virgin hippie chick (yeah, I know that's an anomaly) at first was all outraged that she was being raped, but then Batman soaped her down (those hippie chicks are dirty) and she got to liking it so much (she could take or leave Batman, and she did Robin and Alfred) that she never wanted to leave the Batcave for human society ever again.
But Persephone's mom, Demeter, was all outraged on her daughter's behalf and told the Gods and the JL that, "My daughter is underaged and what are you going to do about it? Nothing? Well, kiss spring and summer and your harvest season good bye. And starve, you oppressive Patriarchial Overlords." So the Gods and JL got together and said, "This Hippie Chick Mom is just raving menopausal and somebody has got to do something before the JL convention, because WHAT ARE WE going to DO about the catering? If we have NO FOOD and no Wine?"
So the JL and Clark went to the Batcave and said, "Open Sesame," and Batman said, "Damn, they are always hacking my passwords!" And Persephone smiled because she was one ace hippie chick hacker. And the Batcave door opened and Clark and the JL said,"Ollie, Ollie, In Free. Persephone, get your ass out here. Your mom wants you."
And Persephone saw Clark and the JL and thought, "Why limit my options to a Bat Crazy rapist, an Old Guy, and a barely pubescent boy?" And Persephone ran off with the Justice League and lived happily ever after.
Actually that is my take on the story that Davis told Chloe. His take was that Persephone stayed with Batman in the BatCave. Oh NO, she didn't. Excuse Me. Davis.
Anyway, this Hippie Chick Persephone story has the moral and theme for this episode. Just substitute Death and Burial and Underground for the BatCave.
First Clark gets threatened with burial, then he decides to bury Doomsday and then Davis gets actually buried as does XJimmy Part One. And there are a lot of yellow roses at XJimmy's Part One funeral.
Batman kind of lays low throughout the episode, but he does show up in time to kidnap Lois. So if you are wondering where Lois is, she is in the BatCave, playing Batball with Batman and Robin, and playing Guitar Hero with Alfred. So far, no sex, but Robin has been in his bunk a lot lately and Batman has given up his Porn and he doesn't think that the Jonas Brothers are all that cute, anymore.
And Clark is all mopey about it. Screw you, Clark, you had your chances and you didn't take them. Go hunt down Lex. Lois will be found when it pleases her. So Clark decides to be a God and go live in Heaven. He just has to figure out how to fly up there. That should take him another eight years.
Here's a few Season Nine Theories of Mine. Try to Debunk them. You can't. Because you won't know what's going to happen until Season Nine happens. Hahaha!
Incidental: Doomsday and Clark drool over each other...
There is just no accounting for Clark's tastes, is there?
Dammit all to Hades and Back!. Fox is going to re-new Dollhouse. I might have to review it for another season? This show is a millstone around my neck.
There were only three decent episodes of this show, 6, 11, and 12. Suck on the Blue Sun, Whedon!
brijeana made me this picture of Chloe wearing the Bow Hat.
Chloe should have been wearing the Bow Hat throughout this episode. It would have looked particularly fetching at XJimmy Part One's funeral. It always helps for the divorcée widow to look particularly fetching at her X's funeral because she can pick up some guy to soothe her grief. Funerals are great pick-up occasions.
Yeah, I'd hit that.
And Chloe did need soothing, she lost her XJimmy Part One and her lover, Davis, and her Honeymooner, Doomsday, and all in a space of a couple of hours. I mean boyfriends are not like flies, not even on Smallville. It takes a while to propagate them and breed them and raise them up to be boyfriend material. You can't go losing them in rapid succession. Ask Lana about this. The woes that Lana had trying to keep a boyfriend alive when she lived in Smallville. I just can't begin to tell you...Lana could, but she's out hunting and bagging and tagging new ones. It takes all a girl's time.
Oh, and Chloe lost her cousin, Lois, too. But not to worry. Lois will find Chloe, even if she has to hunt her through time, the Phantom Zone, Khandor, and the Amazon Basin. Because that is what Lois does...she hunts and finds Chloe. This makes it convenient for Chloe. Chloe doesn't have to stop trying to stop the boyfriend death drain and hunt down Lois. Chloe knows that Lois will hunt her down.
Before Chloe had to go to the X's funeral (he was still alive at the time), Chloe was hanging out on the edge of Edge City with her lover, Davis on top of the hood of a car. The car looked kind of like her Honeymooner, Doomsday, same spikes and jagged edges both physically and emotionally.
Davis was entertaining Chloe with a story...a spooky story that the Greek Stephen King wrote. The Greek Stephen King's name was Bullfinch Mythology.
The story was about this hippie, daffodilly chick named Persephone (yeah, her mom, Demeter, was a hippie mom chick and named her little Love Child, Persephone Sunshine Aboveground). Persephone was out in a field of wild flowers one day doing yoga and chanting her mantra..."Man, Man, Man, Gimme..." and picking flowers and making them into leis. When all of a sudden, THE DARK LORD of Hades (I'm guessing that this was Batman) swoops up from the ground or down from the sky (maybe he was in his Bat-helicopter) and kidnaps the daffodilly hippie chick, Persephone without even a pickup line like, "Hey, want a flower little hippie chick girl?" or "Do me baby, so I won't Do others."
Anyway, Batman does her in the field of flowers, and then in the tunnel of love that led to the BatCave where he did her up and down the walls and that made Alfred happy because then he didn't have to clean the walls for a while. And Persephone, who was a Virgin hippie chick (yeah, I know that's an anomaly) at first was all outraged that she was being raped, but then Batman soaped her down (those hippie chicks are dirty) and she got to liking it so much (she could take or leave Batman, and she did Robin and Alfred) that she never wanted to leave the Batcave for human society ever again.
But Persephone's mom, Demeter, was all outraged on her daughter's behalf and told the Gods and the JL that, "My daughter is underaged and what are you going to do about it? Nothing? Well, kiss spring and summer and your harvest season good bye. And starve, you oppressive Patriarchial Overlords." So the Gods and JL got together and said, "This Hippie Chick Mom is just raving menopausal and somebody has got to do something before the JL convention, because WHAT ARE WE going to DO about the catering? If we have NO FOOD and no Wine?"
So the JL and Clark went to the Batcave and said, "Open Sesame," and Batman said, "Damn, they are always hacking my passwords!" And Persephone smiled because she was one ace hippie chick hacker. And the Batcave door opened and Clark and the JL said,"Ollie, Ollie, In Free. Persephone, get your ass out here. Your mom wants you."
And Persephone saw Clark and the JL and thought, "Why limit my options to a Bat Crazy rapist, an Old Guy, and a barely pubescent boy?" And Persephone ran off with the Justice League and lived happily ever after.
Actually that is my take on the story that Davis told Chloe. His take was that Persephone stayed with Batman in the BatCave. Oh NO, she didn't. Excuse Me. Davis.
Anyway, this Hippie Chick Persephone story has the moral and theme for this episode. Just substitute Death and Burial and Underground for the BatCave.
First Clark gets threatened with burial, then he decides to bury Doomsday and then Davis gets actually buried as does XJimmy Part One. And there are a lot of yellow roses at XJimmy's Part One funeral.
Batman kind of lays low throughout the episode, but he does show up in time to kidnap Lois. So if you are wondering where Lois is, she is in the BatCave, playing Batball with Batman and Robin, and playing Guitar Hero with Alfred. So far, no sex, but Robin has been in his bunk a lot lately and Batman has given up his Porn and he doesn't think that the Jonas Brothers are all that cute, anymore.
And Clark is all mopey about it. Screw you, Clark, you had your chances and you didn't take them. Go hunt down Lex. Lois will be found when it pleases her. So Clark decides to be a God and go live in Heaven. He just has to figure out how to fly up there. That should take him another eight years.
Here's a few Season Nine Theories of Mine. Try to Debunk them. You can't. Because you won't know what's going to happen until Season Nine happens. Hahaha!
- Jimmy was not Jimmy. He was XJimmy Part One. So let me tell you what I have figured out. The Daily Planet is not the Daily Planet. It is the Daley Planet. Yeah, go check the spelling. So Lex and Ollie don't own the Daily Planet and Clark and Lois never worked there. Gotcha!
- That Geo-Thermal Facility of Luthor Corp? It is the Gateway to Hell! And Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Real One, is going to move to Metropolis to guard it. And she can kick Doomsday's ass!
- And Doomsday is in Hades! And Loving it! But he'll soon be back out, because Sam killed Lilith. And we'll be back to the old question, "Who does Clark have to f*ck to make Doomsday stay away? Or is it Kill? Nope, it's f*ck and it's Me!"
- Who or What in Tess's safe stole the ORB? It was Devilcus! From Lex's treasured first copy of Warrior Angel!
- And Lois will break out of BatCave when she has to listen for the eleventh millionth time to a "retarded" Batman orphan childhood story of wealth and priviledge. Lois will go back in time and become Emily Brontë and walk the moors and write fanfic about an alien wanderer who tells "retarded" stories of his orphan childhood. And then she will sell the movie rights for millions and become a surfer chick in Malibu. And AC will probably show up on the beach, but not tell her secret to the JL.
Incidental: Doomsday and Clark drool over each other...
There is just no accounting for Clark's tastes, is there?
Dammit all to Hades and Back!. Fox is going to re-new Dollhouse. I might have to review it for another season? This show is a millstone around my neck.
There were only three decent episodes of this show, 6, 11, and 12. Suck on the Blue Sun, Whedon!