What I Saw: Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 3
As I told dawnybee last week, when we were discussing Episode 2 of Season 3, Jaime and Brienne were beginning to bore me.
What had those two been doing for eleven plus episodes, but wandering in some forest and bitching about life, swords, and missed opportunities for love or lust whichever one one or the other one favored? I mean, it was like going to a Nascar event but without the beer, Jaime and Brienne definitely needed some beer and a bath and new topics of conversation.
Well, someone has been paying attention to my criticism because Jaime and Brienne had an actual ¡ADVENTURE! in this episode. Cute King Robb of the North's, the best looking King in Westeros, henchmen (or Lynchmen, they will serve either purpose) captured Boris and Natasha
Jaime and Brienne on a bridge and took them off for what I feared would be another fruitless and bathless wandering in the woods but with a rousing song from the Westeros hit musical Her Hair, and offered our boring hero and heroine mayhem!
Brienne had her honor groped inappropriately, but now that I think about it, wasn't Brienne's honor compromised when the Band of Bolton captured the two on the bridge? Her KNIGHTLY Honor was compromised and the Lynchmen from the Band of Bolton were attempting to compromise her Womanly Honor. Only we didn't see that or Brienne nekkid. The nekkid was saved for three working girls in King's Landing and Tyrion's PageBoy.
All this worry about women's honor and nekkid women, all the Boys in the Band of Bolton had to do was to go to King's Landing and get their fill, although Brienne is a large lady who has a lot of fill on her very own. Oh right, now I remember, the Boys in the Band of Bolton can't go to King's Landing because they are fighting for the Cutest King in the Seven Kingdoms. And did you know how King Robb stays Cute? He eats children when there is a full moon. Gotta get that Growth Hormone into King Robb.
Brienne survived with one of her Honors intact, but Jaime got hit with Mayhem and Mutilation. Jaime's Big Daddy, Tywin Lannister, couldn't buy Jaime's way out of that one. Jaime survived with only one of his hands intact or connected to him. Well, the dynamics of Brienne and Jaime have certainly changed as will their conversations.
And what will Cersei think when she sees Jaime again? When the Lannisters sit down for their family meals or councils or King Plottings, Jaime will be unable to drag his squeaky chair all around the table to sit at the best place possible. Poor Jaime, he'll have to sit at the Kiddie's table and have his meat cut up for him by a servant. Things have changed indeed. And will Jaime's ransom price come down considerably now that he is damaged goods? And who will pay it? The Seven Kingdoms are heavily in debt. It is about time that the poor and handicapped fend for themselves and that includes Jaime. Will Margaery come and visit him and give him food as he begs on the streets of King's Landing? Will Jaime make it home with even more pieces of him gone? Will Brienne finally get him to King's Landing in a bag?
Brienne wasn't the only one threatened with violation. Theon's Sister's Friend (TSF) helped Theon escape from the torture dungeons of Winterfell (that was Winterfell where Theon was---the Winterfell that Theon Conquered but doesn't rule because he has to be tortured all day long?). Then as Theon hung around the shore waiting for some Sailors from his Sister's Fleet to show up for Shore Leave, the people who took over Winterfell from Theon so that he could spend all his time being tortured appeared and hunted him down for some Ass Stripping and Ass Sporting and Ass Raping. Just ship Theon to King's Landing and let him cavort with his Working Girl Sisters! Theon can be the Working Boy in that Brothel.
This whole episode was like that movie, The Most Dangerous Game, where Joel McCrea is shipwrecked on a island where some rich Russian lives after getting kicked out of Russia by the Revolutionaries (what is it with the Russians? They are always kicking someone out of the country. These days it is Putin who does the kicking and he kicked out American Torturers. Putin has no respect for Torture, it is very sad). Fay Wray is in the picture too, but not King Kong, he was on suspension for refusing to do Mighty Joe Young. Fay Wray gets pretty nekkid in this movie, but nothing like the Working Girls in King's Landing. Joel McCrea takes his shirt off but he is wearing an undershirt. WTF? In Game of Thrones, I got to see Theon's butt. Joel McCrea must have had some NO-Not-Me-Nekkid Clause in his contract.
Back to the movie, The Most Dangerous Game which is on Hulu if you want to catch it but no Nekkid Joel McCrea, the Crazy Russian rescues people from shipwrecks off his island and after wining and dining them, he throws them out into the island jungle (the Russian's island has everything: majestic waterfalls, jungle, desert, rocky shores, a fifteenth century castle recently renovated, braying hounds, a Chinese Master of the Hunt, a Laboratory, and the best Martinis) and hunts them down like he would hunt a Serf Revolutionary if Russia would let him back in.
Joel McCrea triumphs and gets Parially Nekkid Fay Wray in the movie. Theon gets to pull up his pants and then gets TSF who comes and rescues him again. Only...Did He? Something Fishy is going on. And I am not just saying that because I can smell the sea breeze from shore next to the wooded forest where Theon and his Hunter Man are playing Rescue the Maiden.
My favorite, Stannis the Praying Mantis, wants to make a baby with the Burning Lady. Fortunately for us all, Stannis can't, he is Un-Manned. Stannis, the Burning Lady makes very Nasty and Ugly babies, you wouldn't want one with her. Ask your brother, Renly, about it.
What had those two been doing for eleven plus episodes, but wandering in some forest and bitching about life, swords, and missed opportunities for love or lust whichever one one or the other one favored? I mean, it was like going to a Nascar event but without the beer, Jaime and Brienne definitely needed some beer and a bath and new topics of conversation.
Well, someone has been paying attention to my criticism because Jaime and Brienne had an actual ¡ADVENTURE! in this episode. Cute King Robb of the North's, the best looking King in Westeros, henchmen (or Lynchmen, they will serve either purpose) captured Boris and Natasha
Jaime and Brienne on a bridge and took them off for what I feared would be another fruitless and bathless wandering in the woods but with a rousing song from the Westeros hit musical Her Hair, and offered our boring hero and heroine mayhem!
Brienne had her honor groped inappropriately, but now that I think about it, wasn't Brienne's honor compromised when the Band of Bolton captured the two on the bridge? Her KNIGHTLY Honor was compromised and the Lynchmen from the Band of Bolton were attempting to compromise her Womanly Honor. Only we didn't see that or Brienne nekkid. The nekkid was saved for three working girls in King's Landing and Tyrion's PageBoy.
All this worry about women's honor and nekkid women, all the Boys in the Band of Bolton had to do was to go to King's Landing and get their fill, although Brienne is a large lady who has a lot of fill on her very own. Oh right, now I remember, the Boys in the Band of Bolton can't go to King's Landing because they are fighting for the Cutest King in the Seven Kingdoms. And did you know how King Robb stays Cute? He eats children when there is a full moon. Gotta get that Growth Hormone into King Robb.
Brienne survived with one of her Honors intact, but Jaime got hit with Mayhem and Mutilation. Jaime's Big Daddy, Tywin Lannister, couldn't buy Jaime's way out of that one. Jaime survived with only one of his hands intact or connected to him. Well, the dynamics of Brienne and Jaime have certainly changed as will their conversations.
And what will Cersei think when she sees Jaime again? When the Lannisters sit down for their family meals or councils or King Plottings, Jaime will be unable to drag his squeaky chair all around the table to sit at the best place possible. Poor Jaime, he'll have to sit at the Kiddie's table and have his meat cut up for him by a servant. Things have changed indeed. And will Jaime's ransom price come down considerably now that he is damaged goods? And who will pay it? The Seven Kingdoms are heavily in debt. It is about time that the poor and handicapped fend for themselves and that includes Jaime. Will Margaery come and visit him and give him food as he begs on the streets of King's Landing? Will Jaime make it home with even more pieces of him gone? Will Brienne finally get him to King's Landing in a bag?
Brienne wasn't the only one threatened with violation. Theon's Sister's Friend (TSF) helped Theon escape from the torture dungeons of Winterfell (that was Winterfell where Theon was---the Winterfell that Theon Conquered but doesn't rule because he has to be tortured all day long?). Then as Theon hung around the shore waiting for some Sailors from his Sister's Fleet to show up for Shore Leave, the people who took over Winterfell from Theon so that he could spend all his time being tortured appeared and hunted him down for some Ass Stripping and Ass Sporting and Ass Raping. Just ship Theon to King's Landing and let him cavort with his Working Girl Sisters! Theon can be the Working Boy in that Brothel.
This whole episode was like that movie, The Most Dangerous Game, where Joel McCrea is shipwrecked on a island where some rich Russian lives after getting kicked out of Russia by the Revolutionaries (what is it with the Russians? They are always kicking someone out of the country. These days it is Putin who does the kicking and he kicked out American Torturers. Putin has no respect for Torture, it is very sad). Fay Wray is in the picture too, but not King Kong, he was on suspension for refusing to do Mighty Joe Young. Fay Wray gets pretty nekkid in this movie, but nothing like the Working Girls in King's Landing. Joel McCrea takes his shirt off but he is wearing an undershirt. WTF? In Game of Thrones, I got to see Theon's butt. Joel McCrea must have had some NO-Not-Me-Nekkid Clause in his contract.
Back to the movie, The Most Dangerous Game which is on Hulu if you want to catch it but no Nekkid Joel McCrea, the Crazy Russian rescues people from shipwrecks off his island and after wining and dining them, he throws them out into the island jungle (the Russian's island has everything: majestic waterfalls, jungle, desert, rocky shores, a fifteenth century castle recently renovated, braying hounds, a Chinese Master of the Hunt, a Laboratory, and the best Martinis) and hunts them down like he would hunt a Serf Revolutionary if Russia would let him back in.
Joel McCrea triumphs and gets Parially Nekkid Fay Wray in the movie. Theon gets to pull up his pants and then gets TSF who comes and rescues him again. Only...Did He? Something Fishy is going on. And I am not just saying that because I can smell the sea breeze from shore next to the wooded forest where Theon and his Hunter Man are playing Rescue the Maiden.
My favorite, Stannis the Praying Mantis, wants to make a baby with the Burning Lady. Fortunately for us all, Stannis can't, he is Un-Manned. Stannis, the Burning Lady makes very Nasty and Ugly babies, you wouldn't want one with her. Ask your brother, Renly, about it.