Planes, Parachutes, and Enforced Caribbean Vacations
Deep Ponder on Smallville: Turbulence. And a comment on Supernatural.
Smallville: Turbulence
Smallville is coming back! Yeah, they shot themselves in the foot (and Clark's balls) with the "Farewell to Lana lana lana Dirge and Funeral"; but we are all marching back from the grave site with the band playing Dixieland and the cans of cheap beer being opened for the wake.
This was a good episode and you know how I know that? Dr. Helen Bryce is Back. BACK! Back, Baby, Back!
All through that episode of Promise, when Lex murdered (but he paid for that murder in his marriage to Lana, he paid) and married in the space of 20 minutes, I kept asking the question of the TV set, the dog, and the air in front of my face: "Where is Dr. Helen Bryce? How can she allow this travesty to proceed. Helen! Come back right now and STOP this wedding, Jane Eyre style! NOw! Helen?" And Helen did not appear. All was Eyre-less (airless, hairless, heh).
But all is forgiven now, because they were waiting for this episode to Re-Appear Helen and she is better than the Re-Appearing Lana ever was!
And you know how I know that Dr. Helen Bryce is back?
And incidentally, when did Lex ever keep a diary? or a journal? Lex didn't write. He made models (remember all his castles and soldiers?). Or when Lex grew up, Lex paid people to make him models (the Clark Disco Room). Lionel Luthor was the Luthor who wrote. I remember many a time coming in to Lionel's office and he would be scribbling away on pads and reams of paper.
"What are you doing Lionel?" I would ask.
Lionel would sweep all the pads and papers from the top of his desk to floor beneath his desk and say to me, "Oh me? Nothing. Nothing. Just calculating some derivatives on my Hedge Fund Accounts. Just doing calculations of retention bonuses for my Hedge Fund managers. Nothing that you need to know about."
This made me suspicious because if Lionel was calculating then where was his calculator? And later when Lionel ran over to Lex's office to administer some well deserved emotional abuse, I pulled out some of the papers from under Lionel's desk and read them.
You want to know what Lionel was writing? It wasn't any math equations or ledger balances. It was a fanfic graphic novel about some alien from outer space who crashes his spaceship on Earth and takes over a small town in Kansas. Some parts of Lionel's fanfic were pretty good. The love story part was crap though.
Finally! Jimmy Olsen has seen the light and the light of his life, Chloe, for what she is! It took massive amounts of morphine and over dosing on Psychotropic Multi-Personality drugs (courtesy of Davis Bloome and the Metropolis Hospital Drug room), but Jimmy's mind cleared up and he saw that Chloe was again two-timing him with another hot guy (this time with Davis, last time with Clark).
"Why did you marry me?" Jimmy asks Chloe. I was waiting for Chloe's answer on this, because I have been wondering this since season 7. Chloe just looked sad. What are you sad about? Davis is Hot! And he is a Kryptonian Alien. And that is what you have always wanted, isn't it Chloe? A Kryptonian Alien to love your socks off and make your toes curl and Davis fits that description. And you know that deep inside, Davis is good! You had him in the Artic and he was GOOOOOOD O! the big O!
Treat yourself to Davis, Chloe. He goes well with that yellow coat that you treated yourself to. I approve.
Chloe has been dying a lot in the last few episodes of Smallville. I think that she is the character with the biggest death toll now. I just want to know if Chloe is still a Meteorite Freak? And what kind of Freak is she? I can't help but think that her sudden concern for Freaks this season after seven seasons of exploiting the Freaks is biting her ass. And her ass is looking pretty good this season what with all the running away from Doomsday before he kills her. Chloe is taking up her Freak side (all that Arctic sex with Doomsday has influenced her). Is the residual Freak in Chloe responsible for taming the beast in Davis?
Jimmy, Chloe didn't marry you. She married Doomsday and honeymooned with him in the Arctic. You were just the beard human because Kansas won't allow a girl to marry another species. I mean when the state allows marriages between different species then they start allowing marriages between all sorts of human people. It is a vicious cycle of something close to miscegenation. We can't have that in our civil order.
Oh, and Clark...
Clark says, "I don't want my boss looking at my underwear."
Heh, Haw Ha, ha! Clark you are a Pistol! Everybody is going to be looking at your underwear in the future. I've got this prescient feeling about that.
And Chloe...Chloe says, "Trusting people is always getting you into trouble." I've got another prescient feeling.
And Tess...Dr. Helen Bryce told Clark that she would curl up in her blue sheets and pretend that she was a mermaid when she was small and being beaten up by her daddy (I don't know how much I believe that story---Helen is such a tall tale teller). Is Tess/Helen also Lori Lemaris? You Go Girl!
Good Episode, Smallville. Keep this streak going.
As for Supernatural....
It's on after Smallville and sometimes I watch the show all the way through. I find this show very uneven (and how is this different from Smallville?) and it doesn't always interest me (Smallville does, even when it sucks).
But this episode was good and I really like Castiel, but not because he is all broody and puzzled and pretty. I like him for his delivery of lines like this: "Uriel is the funniest Angel in the Garrison, ask anyone."
Oh Castiel! Heh, Ha Ha! Keep playing it straight and deadpan. You just might measure up to Buster Keaton, one day.
Smallville: Turbulence
Smallville is coming back! Yeah, they shot themselves in the foot (and Clark's balls) with the "Farewell to Lana lana lana Dirge and Funeral"; but we are all marching back from the grave site with the band playing Dixieland and the cans of cheap beer being opened for the wake.
This was a good episode and you know how I know that? Dr. Helen Bryce is Back. BACK! Back, Baby, Back!
All through that episode of Promise, when Lex murdered (but he paid for that murder in his marriage to Lana, he paid) and married in the space of 20 minutes, I kept asking the question of the TV set, the dog, and the air in front of my face: "Where is Dr. Helen Bryce? How can she allow this travesty to proceed. Helen! Come back right now and STOP this wedding, Jane Eyre style! NOw! Helen?" And Helen did not appear. All was Eyre-less (airless, hairless, heh).
But all is forgiven now, because they were waiting for this episode to Re-Appear Helen and she is better than the Re-Appearing Lana ever was!
And you know how I know that Dr. Helen Bryce is back?
- The Plane! Helen is infamous for doing her dirty work on a plane and then blowing the sucker and the sucker plane up. And she did it again!
- The champagne! Helen plies her male victims with drink (and drugs) so that she can drop them off the plane at inconvenient places in the Caribbean!
- The tete-a-tetes on the plane! "It's you and me, Lex (Clark) all alone on this plane. We'll be dropping the pilot off when we reach 30,000 feet altitude."
- The parachutes! Helen knows how to use a parachute! She always checks for them when she is on a plane.
- The Plastic Surgery! Helen knew that she would have to disguise herself to come back to Smallville. So she found a good Nip and Tuck guy in Switzerland to change her appearance, and when you find a good Nipper n' Tucker guy, you never give him up.
- Helen knows Clark's Secret! How does she know this? She don't need no Lex diaries! Martha Kent told her! In the doctor's office! When Martha was pregnant by the spaceship!
- The Luthor office in the Scottish Mansion! Helen took over the office in the mansion when she rid the world of Lex (for the first time---many other people have rid the world of Lex since then---Jor El, Oliver Queen, etc.). And she is back in the office, in her negligee, chortling over her triumphs yet again. And you deserve to chortle, Dr. Bryce!
- The Hospital! Dr. Bryce is a doctor. Doctors are connected with hospitals!
- The Flirting and the sharing of Secrets! Lex showed Dr. Bryce his Secret Disco Clark Room and she never forgot about it. The mushed up car, the worm, the video games and the picture of the gorgeous boy, Clark, whom Lex was obsessed with. When will Clark grow up and turn legal?---many have wondered this. And how do I get him away from his father, Jonathan Kent? So that we can commune, together, just us alone? Jor El took care of that problem for all of Clark's yearning adorers. Dr. Bryce don't need no stinkin' Clark Disco Room! She has Gorgeous Clark, alone in the plane (the pilot has ejected (but will Clark?).
And incidentally, when did Lex ever keep a diary? or a journal? Lex didn't write. He made models (remember all his castles and soldiers?). Or when Lex grew up, Lex paid people to make him models (the Clark Disco Room). Lionel Luthor was the Luthor who wrote. I remember many a time coming in to Lionel's office and he would be scribbling away on pads and reams of paper.
"What are you doing Lionel?" I would ask.
Lionel would sweep all the pads and papers from the top of his desk to floor beneath his desk and say to me, "Oh me? Nothing. Nothing. Just calculating some derivatives on my Hedge Fund Accounts. Just doing calculations of retention bonuses for my Hedge Fund managers. Nothing that you need to know about."
This made me suspicious because if Lionel was calculating then where was his calculator? And later when Lionel ran over to Lex's office to administer some well deserved emotional abuse, I pulled out some of the papers from under Lionel's desk and read them.
You want to know what Lionel was writing? It wasn't any math equations or ledger balances. It was a fanfic graphic novel about some alien from outer space who crashes his spaceship on Earth and takes over a small town in Kansas. Some parts of Lionel's fanfic were pretty good. The love story part was crap though.
Finally! Jimmy Olsen has seen the light and the light of his life, Chloe, for what she is! It took massive amounts of morphine and over dosing on Psychotropic Multi-Personality drugs (courtesy of Davis Bloome and the Metropolis Hospital Drug room), but Jimmy's mind cleared up and he saw that Chloe was again two-timing him with another hot guy (this time with Davis, last time with Clark).
"Why did you marry me?" Jimmy asks Chloe. I was waiting for Chloe's answer on this, because I have been wondering this since season 7. Chloe just looked sad. What are you sad about? Davis is Hot! And he is a Kryptonian Alien. And that is what you have always wanted, isn't it Chloe? A Kryptonian Alien to love your socks off and make your toes curl and Davis fits that description. And you know that deep inside, Davis is good! You had him in the Artic and he was GOOOOOOD O! the big O!
Treat yourself to Davis, Chloe. He goes well with that yellow coat that you treated yourself to. I approve.
Chloe has been dying a lot in the last few episodes of Smallville. I think that she is the character with the biggest death toll now. I just want to know if Chloe is still a Meteorite Freak? And what kind of Freak is she? I can't help but think that her sudden concern for Freaks this season after seven seasons of exploiting the Freaks is biting her ass. And her ass is looking pretty good this season what with all the running away from Doomsday before he kills her. Chloe is taking up her Freak side (all that Arctic sex with Doomsday has influenced her). Is the residual Freak in Chloe responsible for taming the beast in Davis?
Jimmy, Chloe didn't marry you. She married Doomsday and honeymooned with him in the Arctic. You were just the beard human because Kansas won't allow a girl to marry another species. I mean when the state allows marriages between different species then they start allowing marriages between all sorts of human people. It is a vicious cycle of something close to miscegenation. We can't have that in our civil order.
Oh, and Clark...
Clark says, "I don't want my boss looking at my underwear."
Heh, Haw Ha, ha! Clark you are a Pistol! Everybody is going to be looking at your underwear in the future. I've got this prescient feeling about that.
And Chloe...Chloe says, "Trusting people is always getting you into trouble." I've got another prescient feeling.
And Tess...Dr. Helen Bryce told Clark that she would curl up in her blue sheets and pretend that she was a mermaid when she was small and being beaten up by her daddy (I don't know how much I believe that story---Helen is such a tall tale teller). Is Tess/Helen also Lori Lemaris? You Go Girl!
Good Episode, Smallville. Keep this streak going.
As for Supernatural....
It's on after Smallville and sometimes I watch the show all the way through. I find this show very uneven (and how is this different from Smallville?) and it doesn't always interest me (Smallville does, even when it sucks).
But this episode was good and I really like Castiel, but not because he is all broody and puzzled and pretty. I like him for his delivery of lines like this: "Uriel is the funniest Angel in the Garrison, ask anyone."
Oh Castiel! Heh, Ha Ha! Keep playing it straight and deadpan. You just might measure up to Buster Keaton, one day.