The Subject Was Movies: Holiday Movies
Holiday Movies!
Holiday Movies are the ones, that whose ever house you are visiting, are on the TV table to be tasted like the Holiday Candy scattered around the house. These movies, like the Christmas Candy, are never bought (or watched) at any other time of the year. They were on sale when the hostess/host was wondering what she/he was going to do with a house full of family and friends that fortunately she/he never saw the rest of the year. Just keep everyone satiated with food and distracted with lights (decorations, movies, screen computers, or the disco ball) and there will be no disagreeable discussions (for example: "Ron Paul was just saying what everyone with the right mind was thinking, a Gay should be treated like a two legged cat and put down.") or knife fights.
And here is my Holiday Movie Sampler for this year:
The Tourist
Pretty People (Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie), Pretty Scenery (Venice), and a Shit Ugly Script.
Nothing that happened in this movie was even near the Finish Line of the Probable. Alice from Wonderland would have watched this movie and thought that the Cheshire Cat was the Fount of Real Life Logic, and that a Bodyless Cat would be better than a Headless Cat because with the Bodyless Cat, no one has to supply or worry about the Kitty Litter.
The Twisty Twist of the Movie was deduced by one of my viewing companions by 20 minutes into this movie, and he told us all about it.
Angelina Jolie had just ONE expression throughout this movie, a smug smirk that I wanted to take Bleach and Scrub off her face 10 minutes into the movie, and I like Miss Jolie. Having six kids must be a big drain on her pocketbook, why else did she do this movie? And the most egregious part of this movie? Johnny Depp never got anywhere near Nekkid.
The Warrior's Way
I really didn't see ALL of this movie. I wandered in and out of the viewing area throughout it. There were a lot of Candy Boxes Scattered throughout the house.
The photography and set design were excellent. This Western did not even make the attempt to pretend that it happened in Real Life, unlike another movie that I could (and did::see above) name.
The character and actors were Freaks---really Freaks. This was a Western about a Retirement Town (and not in Florida, imagine that, because Florida is not in the West) of Circus and Sideshow Freaks. I guess that Mr. Barnum did pay his Freaks a pension.
Evidently, Jason from the Halloween movies, traveled back in time to the nineteenth century and became Popular. Really Popular, he organized a Football Team and everything. The only thing was that Football was not popular in the nineteenth century, and there were no other Football Teams to play, so Jason's Football Team fell back on terrorizing and murdering people because that is what Jason Does Best.
One of the groups of people that the Jasonite Football Team ran their Mayhem Play on was the West Village of the Freaks. Something had to be done because Jason was giving the Freaks a Bad Name because he and the Jasonites were Freakier than the Freaks. So the Laundry Guy and Jamie Lee Curtis (who was a lot younger and skinnier than you would think that she would be) appeared in the Past with Jason's Old Set of Carving and Murdering Knives and won the Nineteenth Century Superbowl.
Then everyone went to the Ninja Restaurant and had Sushi. That made me wonder, these people are in the middle of the Great North American Desert in the nineteenth Century with no Railroad, so where did the Chinese restaurant, that they were dining at, come from? And not only the restaurant but the sushi and the Chinese waiters and cooks? There was a Railroad in this movie somewhere, I wasn't fooled.
Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage
There might have been a Twist in this movie, but I fell asleep halfway through it, so I didn't catch it.
Jared Padalecki continues his String of Picking Bad Movies (and now Supernatural) to be in.
Mr. Padalecki was an artist, I never figured out who Thomas Kinkade was. As I said, I fell asleep before the Sex Scene. And because Mr. Padalecki is a Tall Guy, he was chosen, like Jesus, although I don't think that Jesus was chosen to be God because of his height, but then you never can tell with God, to paint a Big Ass Christmas Mural on the Wall of a Small Town Cafe in the Alley where the Dumpster for the Cafe was. I guess that they figured that they would put all the garbage out together.
Mr. Padelecki kept painting the same brush stroke on the wall over and over and over, while the Small Town had adventures in the Christmas Pageant. The adventures were not very adventurous or interesting.
Jimmy Olsen showed up from Smallville, and I only kept watching this movie because I hoped that Tom Welling would show up too. Nope, that didn't happen.
Peter O'Toole was in this movie too. Like Miss Jolie, he needed the money. One of my viewing companions told a story about visiting Mr. O'Toole at his home in England and drinking wine with him. Mr. O'Toole drank a lot of wine, and that is why he needed the money. To buy more wine.
Jane Eyre
This was a good movie.
Michael Fassbinder is no Orson Welles who was in the classic 1943 Jane Eyre. But he played a believable Mr. Rochester if one wants Jane Eyre to be realistic historical fiction. I prefer the classic Jane Eyre with Mr. Welles because that movie was a scary horror film and dark as night. In the classic film, one does wonder what the hell is going on and what is in that Attic and is it going to get Jane or the viewer?
Miss Wasikowska played a very practical Jane who could have walked into New York City and Made It There or Anywhere. Miss Fontaine who played the classic Jane was more the Damsel in Peril who thought that she could handle anything but don't bet on it. Miss Judi Dench showed up as Mrs. Fairfax, so there was a lot of her in this movie, because she is Judi Dench. In the classic, Mrs. Fairfax just carried a candle in the long and dark and shadowed halls of Thornfield Hall and ignored the Creepiness that threatened to overtake Jane and the viewer.
Pilot the Dog is only seen in the long shot setting scenes, and Mr. Rochester's Horse is very Pretty but probably doesn't handle dialog that well so a lot of his reaction scenes were cut.
Jamie Bell shows up as Saint John, but he doesn't dance. Although Mr. Bell is not as pretty as Saint John is supposed to be, he was better than the classic Saint John. He had the force and obsession and the puritan element of the character from the Real Classic, the BOOK.
Holiday Movies are the ones, that whose ever house you are visiting, are on the TV table to be tasted like the Holiday Candy scattered around the house. These movies, like the Christmas Candy, are never bought (or watched) at any other time of the year. They were on sale when the hostess/host was wondering what she/he was going to do with a house full of family and friends that fortunately she/he never saw the rest of the year. Just keep everyone satiated with food and distracted with lights (decorations, movies, screen computers, or the disco ball) and there will be no disagreeable discussions (for example: "Ron Paul was just saying what everyone with the right mind was thinking, a Gay should be treated like a two legged cat and put down.") or knife fights.
And here is my Holiday Movie Sampler for this year:
The Tourist
Pretty People (Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie), Pretty Scenery (Venice), and a Shit Ugly Script.
Nothing that happened in this movie was even near the Finish Line of the Probable. Alice from Wonderland would have watched this movie and thought that the Cheshire Cat was the Fount of Real Life Logic, and that a Bodyless Cat would be better than a Headless Cat because with the Bodyless Cat, no one has to supply or worry about the Kitty Litter.
The Twisty Twist of the Movie was deduced by one of my viewing companions by 20 minutes into this movie, and he told us all about it.
Angelina Jolie had just ONE expression throughout this movie, a smug smirk that I wanted to take Bleach and Scrub off her face 10 minutes into the movie, and I like Miss Jolie. Having six kids must be a big drain on her pocketbook, why else did she do this movie? And the most egregious part of this movie? Johnny Depp never got anywhere near Nekkid.
The Warrior's Way
I really didn't see ALL of this movie. I wandered in and out of the viewing area throughout it. There were a lot of Candy Boxes Scattered throughout the house.
The photography and set design were excellent. This Western did not even make the attempt to pretend that it happened in Real Life, unlike another movie that I could (and did::see above) name.
The character and actors were Freaks---really Freaks. This was a Western about a Retirement Town (and not in Florida, imagine that, because Florida is not in the West) of Circus and Sideshow Freaks. I guess that Mr. Barnum did pay his Freaks a pension.
Evidently, Jason from the Halloween movies, traveled back in time to the nineteenth century and became Popular. Really Popular, he organized a Football Team and everything. The only thing was that Football was not popular in the nineteenth century, and there were no other Football Teams to play, so Jason's Football Team fell back on terrorizing and murdering people because that is what Jason Does Best.
One of the groups of people that the Jasonite Football Team ran their Mayhem Play on was the West Village of the Freaks. Something had to be done because Jason was giving the Freaks a Bad Name because he and the Jasonites were Freakier than the Freaks. So the Laundry Guy and Jamie Lee Curtis (who was a lot younger and skinnier than you would think that she would be) appeared in the Past with Jason's Old Set of Carving and Murdering Knives and won the Nineteenth Century Superbowl.
Then everyone went to the Ninja Restaurant and had Sushi. That made me wonder, these people are in the middle of the Great North American Desert in the nineteenth Century with no Railroad, so where did the Chinese restaurant, that they were dining at, come from? And not only the restaurant but the sushi and the Chinese waiters and cooks? There was a Railroad in this movie somewhere, I wasn't fooled.
Thomas Kinkade's Christmas Cottage
There might have been a Twist in this movie, but I fell asleep halfway through it, so I didn't catch it.
Jared Padalecki continues his String of Picking Bad Movies (and now Supernatural) to be in.
Mr. Padalecki was an artist, I never figured out who Thomas Kinkade was. As I said, I fell asleep before the Sex Scene. And because Mr. Padalecki is a Tall Guy, he was chosen, like Jesus, although I don't think that Jesus was chosen to be God because of his height, but then you never can tell with God, to paint a Big Ass Christmas Mural on the Wall of a Small Town Cafe in the Alley where the Dumpster for the Cafe was. I guess that they figured that they would put all the garbage out together.
Mr. Padelecki kept painting the same brush stroke on the wall over and over and over, while the Small Town had adventures in the Christmas Pageant. The adventures were not very adventurous or interesting.
Jimmy Olsen showed up from Smallville, and I only kept watching this movie because I hoped that Tom Welling would show up too. Nope, that didn't happen.
Peter O'Toole was in this movie too. Like Miss Jolie, he needed the money. One of my viewing companions told a story about visiting Mr. O'Toole at his home in England and drinking wine with him. Mr. O'Toole drank a lot of wine, and that is why he needed the money. To buy more wine.
Jane Eyre
This was a good movie.
Michael Fassbinder is no Orson Welles who was in the classic 1943 Jane Eyre. But he played a believable Mr. Rochester if one wants Jane Eyre to be realistic historical fiction. I prefer the classic Jane Eyre with Mr. Welles because that movie was a scary horror film and dark as night. In the classic film, one does wonder what the hell is going on and what is in that Attic and is it going to get Jane or the viewer?
Miss Wasikowska played a very practical Jane who could have walked into New York City and Made It There or Anywhere. Miss Fontaine who played the classic Jane was more the Damsel in Peril who thought that she could handle anything but don't bet on it. Miss Judi Dench showed up as Mrs. Fairfax, so there was a lot of her in this movie, because she is Judi Dench. In the classic, Mrs. Fairfax just carried a candle in the long and dark and shadowed halls of Thornfield Hall and ignored the Creepiness that threatened to overtake Jane and the viewer.
Pilot the Dog is only seen in the long shot setting scenes, and Mr. Rochester's Horse is very Pretty but probably doesn't handle dialog that well so a lot of his reaction scenes were cut.
Jamie Bell shows up as Saint John, but he doesn't dance. Although Mr. Bell is not as pretty as Saint John is supposed to be, he was better than the classic Saint John. He had the force and obsession and the puritan element of the character from the Real Classic, the BOOK.