Movie Night Extravaganza: Thor on Thors Day
After watching half of Synecdoche, and it is a long movie that can be difficult to take because the writer and director Charlie Kaufman can be a bigger Egomaniac and Tool than Thor and Newt Gringrich combined, my movie viewing companion and I decided that we needed to just have some movie fun with really Good Looking Guys, like we did when we watched Smallville.
So we chose to watch THOR!
ANd this is a disappointing movie title because it does not reveal that the Promise of Thor which is Good Looking Guys with Hot Kickin' Bodies running around in Spandex and Nekkid and jumping up and down and getting all Wet. And Thor Delivers! Yeah Baby, when Thor enters the Crib, IT IS HAMMER TIME!
But without the Puffy Harem Pants.
No, all the Pants are tight and Spandexy and clinging to the muscly thighs of the Good Looking Guys. By the Way, there were not enough camera shots of Guy's Thighs in this movie. Just a suggestion for Thor 2: Thor is Back At It and He is Getting It Good. There needs to be MORE THUNDER IN THOR'S PANTS! So that we may all MARVEL at it and them. No hiding under the bed when that Thunder Rolls! We'll be ON THE BED, ON THE FLOOR, ON THE WALLS (Thor can Fly!), or UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK AND WE WERE IN IT. Ok, enough of my dream last night. I am being all Dean Peltony.
This movie was very satisfying because it ripped off Smallville in all the right places. Except for Tom Welling. It could have used some Tom Welling Clark. And some mud wraslin' (although it did have some) between Clark and Thor over the Red Cloak of Hot, Hot Smokin' Bongs Hot Guys.
Clark: "Give me that Red Cape."
Thor: "It is a Cloak, you Good Looking Ass!"
Clark: "Cloak or Cape, Give it to ME! It is mine!"
Thor: "You Want IT? You TAKE it from me. You TRY and TAKE it from me!"
Clark: "I will! Yes, I will. But first let me rip that T shirt from your back. You are not worthy of the Black Tee Shirt! My Inner Red Kryptonite Affected Personality has deemed it so. Why am I talking like you?"
Thor: "My Shirt? It is Nothing. He who takes my shirt, takes nothing from me. I still have my Chest and Biceps! And you! I will tear those pants off your Thighs! Those pants will not hide the Shame of your Thighs! Whoops, I guess there is not shame there on your thighs. Nice Thighs! Never mind! I will whip them redder than the Cloak that we fight for!"
Clark: "Oh Yeah? Well I will pull that blonde hair off your head, you Dim Witted Blonde! And I know how to style Blonde Hair because I have this friend who has me do him all the time!"
Just think! Bare Ass Mud Wraslin' between Clark and Thor! Some One will have to clean up That Mess! And It Will Be ME! And my viewing companion can help, if she has the time.
Here is that Blonde Hair that tempts Clark so.
Here is that Thor's Smile that makes us all wish that Thors Day would come soon. Clark thinks that Ollie never smiled that much. But Clark didn't know Ollie when he was in Excelsior's School for Rich and Cute Guys with Attitude Problems. Clark never saw the smile that Ollie had for Lex Luthor when Ollie pulled him out from underneath his bed at night to initiate Lex in the Things that Grown Ups Do In the Dark. Ollie was always smiling then.
Let us Compare Smallville and Thor:
This is where Heimdall lives.
Yes, that really captures the Essence of Heimdall.
This is Heimdall.
He is Hot and he guards the Rainbow Bridge in Assguard. Who says that Thor doesn't have Subtext?
These are Thor's battling companions.
A ninja, Prince Charming, and that guy from Rome who shagged Cleopatra.
This is Prince Charming, just kicking back and letting the Spandex loose and jawing with Loki, Thor's Bad Brother.
This is Thor who takes a LONG time to put on his shirt. He could have taken just as long with his pants.
This is Sif, Thor's other Battlin' Companion who actually does all the Battling with the Monsters while the other Battling Companions Sprawl around with their Spandex Loose.
This is Thor's Bad Brother, Loki. My viewing companion liked him at first and then she didn't and then she did. I thought that he wore too many clothes and pouted as much as Clark. You know, Lex stripped down and ran around nekkid when he vacationing on a dessert island. Loki decided to go on a vacation too.
Let us hope that he loses a lot of his clothes too.
Jane Foster wears clothes all the time.
I don't know what they mean. But that Pouty Cloud does have Thunder Thighs. Hmmmm.
I Give Advice
If you loved Smallville, you will love Thor. But Smallville did have more nekkidness than Thor.
So we chose to watch THOR!
ANd this is a disappointing movie title because it does not reveal that the Promise of Thor which is Good Looking Guys with Hot Kickin' Bodies running around in Spandex and Nekkid and jumping up and down and getting all Wet. And Thor Delivers! Yeah Baby, when Thor enters the Crib, IT IS HAMMER TIME!
Click to viewBut without the Puffy Harem Pants.
No, all the Pants are tight and Spandexy and clinging to the muscly thighs of the Good Looking Guys. By the Way, there were not enough camera shots of Guy's Thighs in this movie. Just a suggestion for Thor 2: Thor is Back At It and He is Getting It Good. There needs to be MORE THUNDER IN THOR'S PANTS! So that we may all MARVEL at it and them. No hiding under the bed when that Thunder Rolls! We'll be ON THE BED, ON THE FLOOR, ON THE WALLS (Thor can Fly!), or UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK AND WE WERE IN IT. Ok, enough of my dream last night. I am being all Dean Peltony.
This movie was very satisfying because it ripped off Smallville in all the right places. Except for Tom Welling. It could have used some Tom Welling Clark. And some mud wraslin' (although it did have some) between Clark and Thor over the Red Cloak of Hot, Hot Smokin' Bongs Hot Guys.
Clark: "Give me that Red Cape."
Thor: "It is a Cloak, you Good Looking Ass!"
Clark: "Cloak or Cape, Give it to ME! It is mine!"
Thor: "You Want IT? You TAKE it from me. You TRY and TAKE it from me!"
Clark: "I will! Yes, I will. But first let me rip that T shirt from your back. You are not worthy of the Black Tee Shirt! My Inner Red Kryptonite Affected Personality has deemed it so. Why am I talking like you?"
Thor: "My Shirt? It is Nothing. He who takes my shirt, takes nothing from me. I still have my Chest and Biceps! And you! I will tear those pants off your Thighs! Those pants will not hide the Shame of your Thighs! Whoops, I guess there is not shame there on your thighs. Nice Thighs! Never mind! I will whip them redder than the Cloak that we fight for!"
Clark: "Oh Yeah? Well I will pull that blonde hair off your head, you Dim Witted Blonde! And I know how to style Blonde Hair because I have this friend who has me do him all the time!"
Just think! Bare Ass Mud Wraslin' between Clark and Thor! Some One will have to clean up That Mess! And It Will Be ME! And my viewing companion can help, if she has the time.
Here is that Blonde Hair that tempts Clark so.
Here is that Thor's Smile that makes us all wish that Thors Day would come soon. Clark thinks that Ollie never smiled that much. But Clark didn't know Ollie when he was in Excelsior's School for Rich and Cute Guys with Attitude Problems. Clark never saw the smile that Ollie had for Lex Luthor when Ollie pulled him out from underneath his bed at night to initiate Lex in the Things that Grown Ups Do In the Dark. Ollie was always smiling then.
Let us Compare Smallville and Thor:
- Thor falls from the Sky and gets found and run over by Jane Foster. Clark falls from the sky and gets found by Lois Lane. Lois runs over other people but she always avoids running over Clark. Morgan Edge runs over Clark instead. Where is the Sex Subtext in that? Thor is wearing Clothes. WTF? Clark is Nekkid. Nekkid Wins this one.
- Jane takes Thor to the hospital. Lois takes Clark to the Hospital. Jane has an assistant, Darcy. Lois has a cousin, Chloe. The hospital gives Thor a blue shirt to wear. The hospital gives Clark a blue shirt and pants to wear. Thor WINS! We can more easily see what is under that shirt if a fierce tornado were to lift it and Thor up and then rip it off him. Yeah, those winds are fierce.
- Some farmer in a Red Truck finds Thor's Hammer. Jonathan Kent in a red Pick Up Truck finds Clark.
Jonathan Kent is Way Better Looking than This Guy. Jonathan WINS! - Thor Dies in a Street in a Small Town.
Clark dies in the road near Smallville. We see more of Clark and his Thunder Thighs (sorry God of Thunder, but Clark has better thighs than you). Clark WINS! - Thor has a disappointed father, Odin. Clark has a disappointing father, Jor El. Jor EL WINS! Jor El can kick all these guys' Butts.
- This is Thor being all Pouty.
Clark got pretty (Clark was always Pretty) pouty himself. Clark was Pouty longer, so I guess that he WINS by default. Do these Aliens ever get tired of Denying that they are Rock Stars from Assguard and Krypton?
This is where Heimdall lives.
Yes, that really captures the Essence of Heimdall.
This is Heimdall.
He is Hot and he guards the Rainbow Bridge in Assguard. Who says that Thor doesn't have Subtext?
These are Thor's battling companions.
A ninja, Prince Charming, and that guy from Rome who shagged Cleopatra.
This is Prince Charming, just kicking back and letting the Spandex loose and jawing with Loki, Thor's Bad Brother.
This is Thor who takes a LONG time to put on his shirt. He could have taken just as long with his pants.
This is Sif, Thor's other Battlin' Companion who actually does all the Battling with the Monsters while the other Battling Companions Sprawl around with their Spandex Loose.
This is Thor's Bad Brother, Loki. My viewing companion liked him at first and then she didn't and then she did. I thought that he wore too many clothes and pouted as much as Clark. You know, Lex stripped down and ran around nekkid when he vacationing on a dessert island. Loki decided to go on a vacation too.
Let us hope that he loses a lot of his clothes too.
Jane Foster wears clothes all the time.
I don't know what they mean. But that Pouty Cloud does have Thunder Thighs. Hmmmm.
I Give Advice
If you loved Smallville, you will love Thor. But Smallville did have more nekkidness than Thor.