Smallville: The Return of Pete Ross: chatchien

chatchien

Smallville: The Return of Pete Ross

Mar 01, 2011 00:35

When last we saw Pete Ross, he was unleashed upon the world by a then living and Original Lex Luthor.

Pete was ever the enterprising Capitalist (he had made his first million from illicit tours of the Kowatche Caves and Girls Who Were Willing to Give the Milk Away for Free). Pete had gone into the wide world and made some contacts with Meth Labs in the MidWest and had built several factories and owned his own Pharmacies. Pete was doing well, very well.

Then came the crash. Charlie Sheen got hauled into the hospital after a three day bender and some people decided that he had a problem, but not with Charlie Sheen. You are allowed to get high on Charlie Sheen in this country, for now. But if Charlie Sheen develops a uterus, forget it, they will want to regulate that.

Anyway, business was off and the Meth Lab Employees were flirting with Unionism and the Pharmacy employees were flirting with Legal Drug companies and Pete Ross was out of business, for now.

But Pete remembered his days of Glory in Smallville and came back to re-capture the magic. He brought his little Lemur with him.

And wore glasses as a disguise, in case any of those Free Milk Girls could identify him.

Since Smallville was the Home of Superheroes, Pete decided that he would need a second disguise. Hey, it's hard out there for a Pimp. So Pete became known as the Super Capitalist, Super Dope and donned the cowl and hood that all Superheroes wear.

His Lemur was by his side.

What Superheroes Hoods, I hear you saying with my Super Hearing?

Clark's

Bart's

Ollie's

And Lana's. Hey, did you notice that Lana has come back to Metropolis. Here is her day disguise.

Lana is a squealing 12 year old girl, mad for Justin Wears a Bibber, cutting school class by day (and why not? She never cut school when she was actually going to it and running a business and finding the cure for Equine Malaria and Stalkeritis), fighting against the injustice of Justin Wears a Bibber's loss to a real musician by night when the Grammys come out and spread their propaganda on TV. Carry on, Lana Lang Luthor, I salute you!

But Lana's appearance on this episode was brief, now back to Pete and his rise back up the Metropolis ranks of Billionaires.

Pete crashed into Smallville with his armored truck, full of his life savings.

And his Lemur sidekick, Shariah who was wearing her own clever disguise.

Shariah jumped Clark's bones

while she and Super Dope holed out in the Kent barn. Although Clark does participate in inter-species relationships, he drew the line at Shariah the Lemur. Clark prefers the Big Cats.

Rawr!!!!! But can he keep her down on the farm?

The enterprising Super Dope decided to lay off the Meth business for a while, you know who was giving it a bad name. Pete decided to become a Porn King with Smallville Sex Tapes.

$22.99 for a Download of Down Low Sexing!

And What Do You Get for That? You Inquire?

Boys in the Bathroom!

Two Good Looking Guys Go Into a Public Bathroom and Compare Hands.

They compare other things too, and take on All Comers. But first you fork over the money. Pete takes PlayPole and all major credit cards.

You say that you are intrigued?

OK, you say that you are Hot and Horny, but you want a little more Romance in your Sex Tape. You want the Principles to Act Like They actually Know Each Other.

Well, Pete has got Romantic Porn too!

It's Fist Dancing and Foot Goosing!

Girl and Boy Meet under the Cloverleaf of Love and Sex---there's always Sex!

They argue about whether they should Dance or not. Because Dancing is Fornicating!

They are Naive Kids, unaware of what their bodies can do. But in this video, they will find out. First the Dance...

Then they get Down!!! To the Sex Business!!!!

Oh yeah, one of the stars does a Solo Turn and then it's on to Pairs...

And then after the exhaustion of first love, a gang of hobo really break the Pair in with Line Dancing.

This video is $53.95 because Virgins ain't cheap. But Pete says that It is Worth It!

And then there is Butter My Banana which is based upon a True Story.

It's about a girl and a boy who take the Operatic Sex Turn.

Yeah they Scream Opera! In eight octaves when they really get it going.

But you ask Pete, where is the Kink?

Well, Pete has got the Kink (but not in the Organ) for you!

It's Feather F*ck!

Our Virgin Star of Foot Goosing goes to the Big City for all the SEX that he can handle!

He thinks, "What must it be like? Being a Woman? Or at least having some breasts and a vagina? Can I handle it?"

Well the boy is going to find out.

But he will see that a Woman's Life is a Life of Hard Pleasure as long as she has got the promise of womanhood.

Men want to grope his breasts.

And try to find a pair of 4 inch heels that will fit his big, big feet.

And where are the decent underarm razors?

Pete is your Purveyor of the Sex! Download Now!

What I Noticed

Now it is canon. Ollie did beat up Lex at Excelsior and then kiss the hurt away.

Ollie sees a bald headed man and his Primal Sex Urges leap to take advantage.

A bald headed man sees Ollie and he must have him.

It is all there. Out in the Open.

What They Wore

Everyone wakes up from their Good Time wearing some other clothes. Zatanna said that she can only grant people their true wishes and desires.