Supernatural: Screw Destiny!... um OK...
There I was, watching the show and noting all the bar scenes and bar references and the passing of the booze amongst all the fellows, when it came to me! Another Epiphany! Let me get up from wallowing on the church aisle and enlighten all. And no, I am NOT the Whore of Babylon! I am NOT a Bad Girl. Nope, not me.
Here I've been saying that God is on Earth, watching I Love Lucy re-runs and muttering to himself that he would have made a better Ricky Ricardo because he would have managed Lucy's aspirations much better. Well, I was wrong, and I admit it. I now know where God is and what he is doing.
God is on a bender in New Orleans. And God isn't really God. God is really Dionysus, the God of Wine and Drama. And God just had to bust loose from that Garden in Heaven. The pollen count was something fierce. God Dionysus had to self-medicate. Remember Christmas with God passed out on the Garden couch? God wasn't passed out; he was suffering for all our hay fevers.
The drinks are on God! Dionysus has never seen a bar bill that he had to pay. Dionysus makes his own Wine. And Drama!
Belly Up to the Bar
Oh Zachariah! Why is Life so Cruel? Why did you leave us in the midst of your Petty Glory?
Why must the Heavens be missing an Angel? See that Cosmo Lamp over the pool table in the Bar? See the jars on the Bar?
OK, Stupid Stewart. You just got fired and in your former job, you spent most of your time surfing the Internets for Porn, but had you seen that jar and had you been a regular viewer of Supernatural, you would have known to start running. Jars of Junk ⇔ Evil Junk on Supernatural. But you weren't fired in time to become an habitual viewer of Supernatural...anyway, there is a time travel dichotomy here, but we will be exploring that later on.
Remember:
And I think that I see some lemons on the bar:
Stewart! You Functioning Moron! I leave you to your Fate.
Oh Zachariah, why did no one appreciate your devotion to duty? Your willingness to inflict the worst kind of Heartburn on the Winchesters (and they did deserve it, what with their appalling diets), your Lies of Omission, your snide sense of humor, and your ability to stop and smell the Angel Farts?
I found you beautific, Zachariah!
The Light of my Like shown upon you.
And hey, who was letting off those Angel Farts anyway? You know the Angel Fart:
- The bright white light of Heavenly Methane from the Heavenly Garden. Joshua has to do something with all the zucchinis that he grows. So he goes to the Angel's Farmer's Market and passes them out. It's take the zucchinis or the Wrath of God will visited upon you.
- The rumblings of the Heavenly Gut.
- The Burst of the Heavenly Wind that can break tempered glass and shake the Earth.
- The Smell---imagine those eggs. Now Imagine that they are a year old. Now sniff them.
Are we to assume that Heaven's Mightiest Angel, Michael, has FART Problems? Is Michael the one stinking up the joint? I mean, isn't sulfur associated with Lucifer and his Gastrointestinal Non-fortitude? I can see why Gabriel went missing if he had to sit through Fart Games during the Family Dinners.
Nope, it wasn't Michael and I will tell you why. When Zachariah was "calling Michael" in the Beautiful Room, he said "Zod". Yep, that is right. Zachariah was calling a Kryptonian. Why? Well, Zachariah is DEAD and now we'll never know the answer to that one, will we?
Good night, sweet Zachariah! May Flights of Angels Guide Thee to Thy Rest!
Hey, wait a Gosh Darn minute! Zachariah said that he had SIX WINGS and four faces, one of which was a LION! I am only counting two WINGS!
Zachariah! You Perverse Prevaricator! You Lying Liar who Lies! Find another Eulogist!
My Final Thoughts: You got what you Deserved!
The Newest Winchester
Adam Millgan is the son of John Winchester. Forget the DNA Tests! I've got inconvertible Proofs!
Adam rises from the Dead. Who else does that but a Winchester? (And Dionysus and Jesus and a few others, and who is to say that they are NOT Winchesters?) And who helps him? Cass the Rebel Angel. Not Joshua, because Joshua would NOT approve of all those Rooted UP Trees!
Adam does not eat sandwiches like his big brother Sam! I know, Dean eats them, but not every Winchester has to be like Dean.
Adam drinks hard liquor. OK, he is like Dean.
Is Adam legal?
Adam wears Dean's clothes and eats his cheeseburgers and drinks Dean's beer.
OK, Adam is a lot like Dean.
But I think that Adam might have Sam's taste in blood and demon bitches.
Adam sort of got the worst traits of both brothers.
And then, they leave him to smell the Angel Fart.
And Now Back to My Theory About the Evil Dean Twins
Right, you know that I have solved the mystery of Supernatural Season 5. Last year at this time, I had deduced that Sam was a Fool who was being played by Demon Ruby. This year, I admitted to confusion. Where was this all going to go? I was seduced by Lucifer, the Silver Tongued Devil, and Michael, The Shirtless (I wish and hope), that the story was about them and their Prom Dates!
Wrong! Nutcracker!
Forget the Pretty Boy Angels! This season is the story of how Evil Dean14 usurped Dean09's Life. Why? Who the Hell knows why Evil Twins do what they do? They DO it! It's in their Evil Twin DNA!
OUR STORY SO FAR:
Dean14 came back from the future in Dean09's place and he has to hide his tracks and the traces. So what does he do?
Ganks Zachariah, the Angel who brought him back from the future instead of Dean09.
Dean09 to Zachariah in 4-17: It's a Terrible Life: "Angel or not, I will stab you in your face." Hmmm...sounds like Destiny to me.
Who else knows that Dean14 isn't Dean09---other than the Time Space Continuum and the Time Travel Paradox?
God! Dean14 goes to Heaven and hunts down God. But God is a diety who "knows things". God knew that Dean was looking for him and God went Lost (I believe that he is currently hiding in a well on some Garden Island with some Drunk High Guy, but never mind).
Michael! Then Dean went looking for Michael in Heaven, because surely Michael would know that Dean14 isn't Dean09. But Dean14 couldn't find Michael, no one could. I am beginning to think that Michael is just some Arch Angel Slacker. Smoking weed from the Garden and trying out his 840 degree wing rotations on a Axis Mundi Half Pipe. His biggest fan is some Kid from OZ, named Jesse, who is trying to join his entourage. Oh, and Andy who knows all about the Evil Twin Thing. And you just know that Joshua is growing and supplying some fine Heavenly Weed.
And when Zachariah tells Adam that everything is going the way that "Michael's seen it", pluheeeese! Michael's weed has some Special K in it. Don't believe anything that Michael says that he has "seen". Michael has shown up exactly once on this show and we will never see him again. He made the effort, dudes. Now he has to go wax his wings for the big competition. Lucifer and Michael going for the Gold on the Highway of Heaven. AwwwwRight!
Sam! Please, since when has Sam ever been the Spotter of Evil Twin Evilness? He never made Evil Twin Demon Ruby until she started snickering at him after he killed Lilith.
And Cass, the Rebel Angel! Cass wouldn't know what constitutes aberrant behavior for a Howler Monkey much less Evil Twin Dean14.
And Bobby? Well, I am a little disappointed in him. But Bobby has his health problems and is battling depression himself, so let it ride.
And who else can make Dean14? Death! Yep, Dean14 is going to have to go after Death and gank him to cover the traces.
Nobody ever said that the Evil Twin Business was Easy Going. Dean14 had to gank a few Hell Hounds to cover up his scent.
The Evil Twin Evilness of Dean14
Some people just don't want to believe my Evil Twin Dean Theory. It's got nothing to do with Belief, people. I have proof!
First, let us look at Dean14, carefully putting away his favorite jacket. He folds it reverently and neatly. Everything must be just so.
When did we last see this?
Yeah! When Michael did it. (Come back, Michael, and wear only your wings! I believe in Destiny, I believe ::clicks heels three times:: What? I don't believe in Destiny! F*ck Destiny! And you know, Michael doesn't believe in it either. But I do believe that Michael will come back, he is destined to come back, shirtless. Yes I do. I destine it.)
Dean stares in the motel mirror as if he had never seen his own face before.
Dean sucks down the booze as if he is Dean14. Well, he is. Ever notice, the heavy drinking didn't begin until Dean14 came back as Dean09? Oh yeah, see the sign? Mike's INn!
Mike's in. See the white Angel Light next to Mike's Inn? And the Batman pen?
See the REFLECTIONS of Dean and Sam? You see Reflections because Sam and Dean aren't Real. Dean14.
You see Dean14 sneaking out of Bobby's house as if he were being Re-born?
You see Dean14 starring at a picture that reminds him of the Beautiful Room? Nope, because Dean14 barely remembers the Beautiful Room. Dean09 would never even look at that picture.
See Sam's face? Dean14 has been spiteful and mean to him. Dean14 says, from his own experience, that Sam will say "Yes" to Lucifer because Sam did say yes in Dean14's experience.
And then watch Dean14's face after he has said the unspeakable to Sam.
Dean14 is almost smirking at the end. No manly tear of brotherly pain to commiserate with Sam?
And Dean winks at Sam and his pain?
And then in the Impala, when Sam and Dean discuss their future plans to stop the Apocalypse. Look at Sam's face:
Sam is assured and resolved. He and his brother are together again and a team.
Now look at Dean's face:
Where is Dean's Happy Resolve? In the back seat of the Impala? In the Good Bye Dean09 Box?
That ain't Dean09.
It is Evil Time Traveling Twin Dean14!!!! (I don't know why Michael slipped in here. How did he do that?)
Signs!!!!!
"Check Electrical" and that is what Sam and Dean do on a hunt.
Is God endorsing these beers?
Sam Looks Fabio Fabulous!
Gifs by vt_graphics
Screen Caps by Me
Zachariah in his Lying Glory by someone else