started takin my meds again...
kind of, at least. i started, but then i forgot to take it last night... yeah, smart, huh?
ive just noticed that my mood randomly goes "blah" basicaly for no reaosn at all, and i KNOW its dumb and not how it SHOULD be at all. for instance, im sittin here on the pc slightly bored messin around while derek and jimmy are watch some wierd movie out in the living room, and i read derek's latest lj post about a list of crap that he loves, and im not on it. shit like that SHOULDNT bring me down, b/c i KNOW that he loves me. and he made a point to say that hes happy w/ his current relationship, so i KNOW nothing is wrong.... so why am i feeling like this. simple answer-- im fucked up in the head. i guess it could be worse. b/c i have my meds and all. and they DO help. and its not like im anything fake when im on them.... its just not cool having to depend on a drug just to feel sane. ive talked w/ derek about it b4, and hes a hardcore sXe and doesnt believe in even taking those kinds of drugs-- hell, he wont even take tylenol. but i guess he just doenst understand it. or maybe he does-- maybe his viewpoints on it have changed since we talked about it last. i told him i started takin them again, and he didnt say anything. or maybe he just didnt hear.... sometimes its hard to tell w/ him. lol. blah-- sometimes i just worry that derek missed me 1ce i was gone and all... but he was SOOO happy when i got back home. when on and on about how things were "perfect", and said "i love you" a million times... and that just kinda went away. like i said, i KNOW he loves me, but i guess im just 1 of those ppl who has to hear it too. dumb shit to worry about, i know... and i guess thats what the lexapro's for...
im somehow losing the motivation that i had when i was in SC... how i was SO determined to do SO much crap 1ce i got home. dont get me wrong, i still want to.... i guess being back here just made me not quite so determined to do everything IMMEDIATELY. but on a positive note, im actualy cleaner now.... to the point thta it irritates me when the apt gets messy... and i roll our socks now instead of folding them... but not to worry-- im still pretty lazy (i STILL havent started that exercising stuff yet...)... so the military hasnt COMPLETELY gotten to me ;D
ive just noticed that my mood randomly goes "blah" basicaly for no reaosn at all, and i KNOW its dumb and not how it SHOULD be at all. for instance, im sittin here on the pc slightly bored messin around while derek and jimmy are watch some wierd movie out in the living room, and i read derek's latest lj post about a list of crap that he loves, and im not on it. shit like that SHOULDNT bring me down, b/c i KNOW that he loves me. and he made a point to say that hes happy w/ his current relationship, so i KNOW nothing is wrong.... so why am i feeling like this. simple answer-- im fucked up in the head. i guess it could be worse. b/c i have my meds and all. and they DO help. and its not like im anything fake when im on them.... its just not cool having to depend on a drug just to feel sane. ive talked w/ derek about it b4, and hes a hardcore sXe and doesnt believe in even taking those kinds of drugs-- hell, he wont even take tylenol. but i guess he just doenst understand it. or maybe he does-- maybe his viewpoints on it have changed since we talked about it last. i told him i started takin them again, and he didnt say anything. or maybe he just didnt hear.... sometimes its hard to tell w/ him. lol. blah-- sometimes i just worry that derek missed me 1ce i was gone and all... but he was SOOO happy when i got back home. when on and on about how things were "perfect", and said "i love you" a million times... and that just kinda went away. like i said, i KNOW he loves me, but i guess im just 1 of those ppl who has to hear it too. dumb shit to worry about, i know... and i guess thats what the lexapro's for...
im somehow losing the motivation that i had when i was in SC... how i was SO determined to do SO much crap 1ce i got home. dont get me wrong, i still want to.... i guess being back here just made me not quite so determined to do everything IMMEDIATELY. but on a positive note, im actualy cleaner now.... to the point thta it irritates me when the apt gets messy... and i roll our socks now instead of folding them... but not to worry-- im still pretty lazy (i STILL havent started that exercising stuff yet...)... so the military hasnt COMPLETELY gotten to me ;D