(no subject)
I'm finding myself feeling the opposite that I expected. I thought that tonight, once I cleared all unnecessary drama from my life I would be in a much better mood, and I could stop being so angry at myself. And I'm not angry really... but I'm not in a better mood. It's awful how even having the slightest idea that a guy might be into you -- for any reason -- makes you feel special. Whether he just wants sex, money or if he really thinks you're a good person, whatever it is, knowing that he wants something from you makes you feel special, needed, wanted... And even if you dont like the guy, or if you do and he turns out to be untrustworthy or a jerk (which lets be honest...most do.) you still get the special feeling. That feeling is a drug. Why do girls immediately go out and meet new guys or call up old guys after any kind of breakup? Because they weren't planning on giving up their special feeling and they need one last hit...or two...or three. I wish that I could find a way to prevent myself from ever feeling that again...cause it is a feeling that I don't trust.
I am angry at myself still. I'm angry because I actually considered letting someone new get close to me...and I dont usually do that.
I wish I was captivating. I wish I was beautiful. ...or at least I wish I felt it.
I am angry at myself still. I'm angry because I actually considered letting someone new get close to me...and I dont usually do that.
I wish I was captivating. I wish I was beautiful. ...or at least I wish I felt it.