14 days of blessings
I am back from the 'trip of a lifetime!'
We basically had 3 classes a day.
In the morning, we'd wake up for breakfast, have chapel at 8:30a.m, where each day, a company dancer will share her testimony. At 10, we have the technique class which is like usual ballet lessons here. After lunch, the afternoon class from 1:45 to 3pm varies from modern, improvisation, jazz, pointe, conditioning or pas de deux. And finally from 3:15 to 5 it would be rehearsal for the student performance for the final night.
In the evenings, we either have small group time, or performances by the ballet company or creative worship.
Creative worship was something new i experienced, where we were encouraged to worship God through dancing.
I felt very happy everyday because we could learn more about God. The testimony of the company dancers are so encouraging, where you get to see them live in faith for God and desire to love and serve Him. Before every dance class, they would pray, and commit the lesson to God. They pray for those who were injured, and to keep us safe during the lesson. We learnt that we were training to improve our ballet technique, not for ourselves, but rather, for God's glory. It was with a different focus and purpose that we train so hard. They thank God for our able bodies and how we can use what talent God has given us. Some of the company dancers even have amazing testimonies of how God healed their serious injuries, and by His grace, they can still continue dancing today, to spread the gospel ad serve Him through the ministry.
The 14 days spent there was a good place to seek God and put aside the cares that i have in Singapore. We were encouraged to pray for the situation we all came from back in our hometowns. prayed longer for my friends and family. At these moments, i also thanked God for putting me at peace at that juncture of my life. I was glad to have finished college, glad to be dancing, glad that my heart was free from distractions and that i could fully focus on God. felt secure that i had a possible job waiting for me when i returned from the camp.
Yet at various points during the camp, i wondered if the stability from 'having a job secured' was keeping me from seeing something beyond that. at one point, one company dancer shared that as a parent, he always encouraged his daughter that the impt thing in life wasnt abt whether she finished sch, or went to college or whatever, but it was all about walking the path God has planned and living for Him. and today, he is glad that his daughter is dancing for another christian mission overseas, on an adventure with God she never could've imagined if she had planned things her own way. and of cos, her father was very happy for her.
At that moment, i wondered about 'the adventure with God'. How is that possible in Singapore, where everything is so safe. few step out of their comfort zone. it's all abt fitting the mould, all abt MUST go college, Must get job. and work work work. fullstop.
During one small group session, our counselor also shared the testimony about her 13-year-old son, who has 3 diff kinds of debilitating life-long illnesses. And it is thru that, that he came to trust in God and truly believe in Him. He trusts in God's plan for his life, even though he has a degenerative eye condition which may make him go blind by age 30, or suffer the life-long discomfort of having involuntary jerks of the body and hiccups which can be socially disruptive. yea, sometimes, it's the americans who have such drama testimony stories. their willingness to live for God involves these kinda great physical ad emotional sufferings. The most important lesson out of that sharing is, do not waste your suffering.
Through the difficult times where we don't understand, we should instead draw closer to God and ask, 'Lord, what are you trying to teach me from this?'. As a parent, my counselor penned a poem the night her son surrendered all his ailments to Christ. one line went something like
' As a parent, i would greatly love to take away his suffering and bear it for him if i could. But Lord, to take away his suffering woud be to take away the reward You have planned for him through this suffering.'
And i think it is true. it is actually in times of need and trials when we really experience a closeness to God. i do admit, in times of fair weather, when i finally finish sch and no longer am stressed by sch work, it's so easy to slack off and totally just not bother to pray and ask God for anything.
Lastly, through all the activities i been through at the camp, both physical dancing and spiritual feeding, i think it is over those 2 weeks that my heart was mended at the camp. It was on the final night of creative worship, where they encouraged people with different problems to go up and dance for God. well, i didnt really dance, but i mustered enough courage to at least stand up and move into the space where the rest were dancing in the middle of the large dance studio.
It was there that i finally decided to surrender those negative 'i cannot do it' 'i am not good enough' thoughts. [i learnt that low self-esteem is also a form of pride too] It was at that time, i told God i would walk up on the stage victoriously on my convocation day and be truly happy. no longer shrouded with thoughts that i 'cheated the school system', or 'this degree is a joke'. I learnt that with God behind and before me, anything in my life is truly in His plan. I know i have mentioned thoughts like these before, but on that night, i believed it again wholeheartedly.
And well since then, i came back a happier person. i went back to ballet class last monday and they were doing syllabus work (cos other girls are preapring for ballet exams in sept). it felt so dry in comparison to free work. but ballet is still nice to do. it felt a lil different suddenly, to be back in the old usual environment where everyone was working for their own personal improvement and not thinking about it from a God perspective. hope in future ballet classes i can still continue the mindset that it's not about the self, but about thanking God for whatever we are doing in class that day.
So i came back to singapore and informed the relevant HR that i am back. and they were still 'in the midst of getting formal approval'. Till they finally called me on thursday with the curt reply that ' we have reviewed your case and they have decided to hire someone with work experience than a fresh graduate. if you are interested in any more openings, we will post it on our website and you may apply again from there'. After 4 weeks.
But anyway, thank God for the false security the past few weeks that i was gonna have a job. And even though i am back to square one, at least now i know i am capable of passing interviews.. so no hard feelings there.
What's next? what's out there. wait for God to show me. Time for an adventure with God.
Jeremiah 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
The biggest encouragement from the camp was also when one co. dancer told us that God is with us all the time, everwhere we go. Even as we leave camp and return to our various home situations, God will follow each and every one of us back. This really helped me, cos usually when participants leave camp on a spiritual high, we often worry about sustaining it when we return to our mundane lives. So what he said gave me hope cos even right now back in SG and so far from the camp, God is still with me!
We basically had 3 classes a day.
In the morning, we'd wake up for breakfast, have chapel at 8:30a.m, where each day, a company dancer will share her testimony. At 10, we have the technique class which is like usual ballet lessons here. After lunch, the afternoon class from 1:45 to 3pm varies from modern, improvisation, jazz, pointe, conditioning or pas de deux. And finally from 3:15 to 5 it would be rehearsal for the student performance for the final night.
In the evenings, we either have small group time, or performances by the ballet company or creative worship.
Creative worship was something new i experienced, where we were encouraged to worship God through dancing.
I felt very happy everyday because we could learn more about God. The testimony of the company dancers are so encouraging, where you get to see them live in faith for God and desire to love and serve Him. Before every dance class, they would pray, and commit the lesson to God. They pray for those who were injured, and to keep us safe during the lesson. We learnt that we were training to improve our ballet technique, not for ourselves, but rather, for God's glory. It was with a different focus and purpose that we train so hard. They thank God for our able bodies and how we can use what talent God has given us. Some of the company dancers even have amazing testimonies of how God healed their serious injuries, and by His grace, they can still continue dancing today, to spread the gospel ad serve Him through the ministry.
The 14 days spent there was a good place to seek God and put aside the cares that i have in Singapore. We were encouraged to pray for the situation we all came from back in our hometowns. prayed longer for my friends and family. At these moments, i also thanked God for putting me at peace at that juncture of my life. I was glad to have finished college, glad to be dancing, glad that my heart was free from distractions and that i could fully focus on God. felt secure that i had a possible job waiting for me when i returned from the camp.
Yet at various points during the camp, i wondered if the stability from 'having a job secured' was keeping me from seeing something beyond that. at one point, one company dancer shared that as a parent, he always encouraged his daughter that the impt thing in life wasnt abt whether she finished sch, or went to college or whatever, but it was all about walking the path God has planned and living for Him. and today, he is glad that his daughter is dancing for another christian mission overseas, on an adventure with God she never could've imagined if she had planned things her own way. and of cos, her father was very happy for her.
At that moment, i wondered about 'the adventure with God'. How is that possible in Singapore, where everything is so safe. few step out of their comfort zone. it's all abt fitting the mould, all abt MUST go college, Must get job. and work work work. fullstop.
During one small group session, our counselor also shared the testimony about her 13-year-old son, who has 3 diff kinds of debilitating life-long illnesses. And it is thru that, that he came to trust in God and truly believe in Him. He trusts in God's plan for his life, even though he has a degenerative eye condition which may make him go blind by age 30, or suffer the life-long discomfort of having involuntary jerks of the body and hiccups which can be socially disruptive. yea, sometimes, it's the americans who have such drama testimony stories. their willingness to live for God involves these kinda great physical ad emotional sufferings. The most important lesson out of that sharing is, do not waste your suffering.
Through the difficult times where we don't understand, we should instead draw closer to God and ask, 'Lord, what are you trying to teach me from this?'. As a parent, my counselor penned a poem the night her son surrendered all his ailments to Christ. one line went something like
' As a parent, i would greatly love to take away his suffering and bear it for him if i could. But Lord, to take away his suffering woud be to take away the reward You have planned for him through this suffering.'
And i think it is true. it is actually in times of need and trials when we really experience a closeness to God. i do admit, in times of fair weather, when i finally finish sch and no longer am stressed by sch work, it's so easy to slack off and totally just not bother to pray and ask God for anything.
Lastly, through all the activities i been through at the camp, both physical dancing and spiritual feeding, i think it is over those 2 weeks that my heart was mended at the camp. It was on the final night of creative worship, where they encouraged people with different problems to go up and dance for God. well, i didnt really dance, but i mustered enough courage to at least stand up and move into the space where the rest were dancing in the middle of the large dance studio.
It was there that i finally decided to surrender those negative 'i cannot do it' 'i am not good enough' thoughts. [i learnt that low self-esteem is also a form of pride too] It was at that time, i told God i would walk up on the stage victoriously on my convocation day and be truly happy. no longer shrouded with thoughts that i 'cheated the school system', or 'this degree is a joke'. I learnt that with God behind and before me, anything in my life is truly in His plan. I know i have mentioned thoughts like these before, but on that night, i believed it again wholeheartedly.
And well since then, i came back a happier person. i went back to ballet class last monday and they were doing syllabus work (cos other girls are preapring for ballet exams in sept). it felt so dry in comparison to free work. but ballet is still nice to do. it felt a lil different suddenly, to be back in the old usual environment where everyone was working for their own personal improvement and not thinking about it from a God perspective. hope in future ballet classes i can still continue the mindset that it's not about the self, but about thanking God for whatever we are doing in class that day.
So i came back to singapore and informed the relevant HR that i am back. and they were still 'in the midst of getting formal approval'. Till they finally called me on thursday with the curt reply that ' we have reviewed your case and they have decided to hire someone with work experience than a fresh graduate. if you are interested in any more openings, we will post it on our website and you may apply again from there'. After 4 weeks.
But anyway, thank God for the false security the past few weeks that i was gonna have a job. And even though i am back to square one, at least now i know i am capable of passing interviews.. so no hard feelings there.
What's next? what's out there. wait for God to show me. Time for an adventure with God.
Jeremiah 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
The biggest encouragement from the camp was also when one co. dancer told us that God is with us all the time, everwhere we go. Even as we leave camp and return to our various home situations, God will follow each and every one of us back. This really helped me, cos usually when participants leave camp on a spiritual high, we often worry about sustaining it when we return to our mundane lives. So what he said gave me hope cos even right now back in SG and so far from the camp, God is still with me!