Dear Mr. Gaskarth (44/46)
Titled: Dear Mr. Gaskarth (44/46)
Author: chasingxrabbits
Pairing: Jalex, Slight Merrikat and Olex (Alex and Oli)
Rating: NC-17
Dedications: Everyone who has commented on this. Thank you. Sincerely thank you. <3
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys at all, but the plot belongs to sausajizz and myself
Beta: paigerhiann, the lovely darling
Facebook: HERE (If you add me here, introduce yourself please.)
Tumblr: HERE
Masterpost
That night, Jack dreamt of Alex.
In his sleep, he could picture the man getting onto that plane the next day and just packing up - packing up and going like his life was so disposable, like he could just throw it all away, and Jack woke up at six am in a cold sweat.
His eyes popped open wide, staring up at the ceiling and seeing a fan and a chandelier instead of a Blink 182 poster. It wasn't his room, that was for sure, and it took his a second to realize that he had been sleeping on the living room couch all night. After a second more of evaluation he'd come to terms with the fact that he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there, but Delilah was waiting by the front door, whining a little.
He rolled his eyes, sitting up and rubbing at his head. The sun was just starting to come over the trees in the horizon, bathing the earth in a milky light. He allowed himself to break the complete silence by sighing deeply, breathing in crisp air and letting out sleep. He stood, grabbing her leash on the coat rack and hooking her up to it. She gave his hand an excited kiss, and this time it didn't even make him smile, he just gave her kind of a grave look as if she could tell.
There was only one thing on his mind, and it wasn't the scene through the trees on his lawn that he was looking at; it was that brown-eyed boy up the stairs, probably still sleeping like he didn't really have a care about anything. Jack didn't want to admit it - never was one to do that - but he was getting that feeling in his gut, that sick twist and pull. That hot coiling like he was going to be sick.
He didn't want Alex to go, simple as that.
He'd been acting okay with it, like maybe if he pretended, it would all go away, but it wasn't going away. In just a few short hours, he'd take Alex to the airport and probably wouldn't see him again, and it made him want to throw up, literally get sick if it meant getting rid of that feeling in his core.
He looked down into the grass as the puppy did her business, seeing the little drops of dew on the thick grass that their gardener took such good care of, and that's kind of what he felt like, he figured. He felt like a little drop of water on a nice, big lawn; unimportant and recyclable.
He whistled to his pup from where she was, sniffing a spot where there was still some snow on the lawn. Her ears perked and she pranced over to him, sitting her butt onto the grass and looking up at him with a cocked head. Sometimes, Jack could swear she knew something was wrong. He picked her up, wiping off her little feet with a dirty towel when they got into the house.
"God," he whispered, shaking his head. "What is wrong with you?"
And that's what it had come to; talking to himself.
"Jack," Alex said, standing on the bottom stair. Jack didn't look at him, didn't need to, to know whom it was. He sat on the cough, and clutching a mug in his hands, Alex did the same. "Are you alright?"
Jack turned to him then, going to say something but jaw dropping open as he took in the man's different appearance.
His shaggy caramel hair had been shorn a little bit, only enough to make it noticeable, and he'd died it a burgundy color; not red, brown or purple, but a mix of all three. The changes had aged him considerably, taking his teenage looks to a more "grown up child" kind of deal. Whatever he was going for had worked, because Jack was pretty much speechless because of it.
"What do you think?" Alex asked, chuckling a little as he reached up to run a hand through it. He looked unsure - but proud - of it.
"When did you do this?" Jack asked, not really sure what to say.
"I got dye yesterday at the store and I used your scissors," he answered, chocolate eyes darting to the kitchen. "Do you like it?" he tried again.
Jack nodded, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. He was still tired, and it felt good to just close his eyes a bit, the steam from Alex's coffee rising and hitting his chin.
"I couldn't sleep last night," Alex said, letting out a little breath. "Excited."
Jack opened his eyes, grimacing as he was met with a big grin.
"Lex," he whispered, not really a question, but more of a confirmation that he was still there. Alex nodded against him.
"Hm?"
"I don't want you to go," he admitted, face blushing a brighter red color. He was trying to hold back that feeling in his gut, but all hope of that was lost when Alex answered with a, "Me either."
It was a while before he spoke again. "But it'll be nice to see my parents again, I haven't seen them in a long while."
Jack's brow furrowed then, dark eye brows knitting together in a bit of anger. He pulled away from the elder of them then. Alex's bottom lip dropped open a little as Jack got up, not knowing what to say and stormed down to his bedroom.
When he came back up the stairs, it was a couple hours later, and Alex had his duffle bags out on the couch, all packed and ready.
They were both dressed, Alex having put on a nicer dress shirt with his jeans. Jack’s hair was messy, having not really washed or brushed it since he woke other than a swipe through with his fingers.
"Hey, Jack," he said as the boy got his own things ready. "Remember to take my car and have it sent over and everything. I left the money for it in my account." He paused for a second, rummaging through the bag on the chair. "Oh, and here's the pin number for that and my parent's house number is below it."
Jack wasn't really listening, just leaning against the counter in the kitchen with a blank look on his face as Alex babbled.
He realized how tired he must have looked to Alex, but he was pretty sure that was from the rush of emotions he was pretending not to have - he'd held them in for days, what's one more?
"Okay, are you ready then?" Alex asked, finally looking up at him and relaxing into a more defeated pose. "Are you listening?"
"No," Jack admitted blankly, staring down at the tile. "I'm not listening to you."
"Why?" Alex asked, shifting his weight to one leg as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Because, I'm trying to pretend that this isn't happening, okay?!" he yelled into the quiet house, scaring his puppy a little as he finally looked up into Alex's eyes.
"I- I thought you were okay with this," Alex squeaked, adverting his eyes from Jack's angry ones.
"No, Alex, I'm not. And the fact that you are honestly hurts," Jack snapped, giving him a scowl.
Alex's face lifted, only to fall back into a frown. He didn't say anything for a second, shaking his head. "Jack, I don't know what you feel, but this can't happen right now, okay? This," he gestured back and fourth to himself and then Jack. "This can't happen. You're a student of mine."
Jack was scowling hard then, nostrils flaring wide as he felt his stomach skin. "You've been letting it happen for months, Alex. And now you're going to fucking tell me that you don't feel anything?"
Alex rolled his eyes a little, putting a frown with whatever he was about to say. "O-of course I do, and maybe that's why this is all happening."
"You honestly think that some higher power is making you leave because we're starting to have feelings for each other? How about you grow up!" Jack was irate to say the least, he was steaming angry, seeing a bit of a red tint in his vision as he screamed.
"That's not what I meant, fucker!" Alex yelled back. "God, you yell just like Oli."
That got Jack's fists clenching. "God damn it, you know I treat you a hundred times better than he does! He does this because he hates you, I do this because I love-"
Alex stopped then from where he was turning to stomp up the stairs, but he froze in his spot, only turning after a second to see if he had really heard what he thought he did. Jack looked just as shocked as he had that those words had come out, and he had to physically shut his jaw where it had fallen open.
"What?" Alex whispered into the silent room, taking a half step back down the stairs.
Jack shook his head, audibly gulping. "I didn't say that," he argued, though no one had accused him of anything.
Alex scowled, looking so worn as he made his way back down the stairs to pull Jack into the tightest embrace he could manage, a tear slipping down his cheek. He laid his chin on Jack's shoulder, closing his eyes for a second.
They just stayed like that for a little while, holding each other tight like a couple.
"I'm going to call a cab," Alex said as he pulled away and headed into the kitchen.
When Alex was out of the room, Jack did something he hadn't done since he was a child; he sat down on the couch and cried. Not sobbing like someone close just died, but cried like he left a few streaks of hot wet fall down his face, into the lines of his nose and past his quivering lips. Delilah had long since curled up next to him when Alex had come back into the living room from where he'd been watching in the kitchen.
"Jack," he whispered, voice cracking a little as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "The cab's here."
Jack glanced out the window, finding and confirming the aforementioned object. He stood then, raising above Alex's height to pull him into an even tighter hug than before, physically lifting him off the ground a few inches.
He pulled away looking at the man's wet, red face and giving him the most forced smile he could manage before he pressed their lips together, soft and sweet, not needy like they were trying to hang on, but needy like they were trying to create something to remember for times to come when they missed each other.
Alex pulled away, sniffling as he gave Jack a sad, but equally forced smile.
"Bye, Jack," he whispered, grabbing both bags into his hands as he walked to the door way, opening it and turning. "Thank you."
Jack knew what he meant as he shut the door behind him, he didn't mean just thanks for giving him a place to stay, he meant so much more than that.
Their eyes locked as Alex got into the cab and stared out the window next to him and into the Barakat residence. As the taxi pulled away, then and only then, Jack allowed himself to sob.