So, I am still laughing. I haven't laughed at a movie like I've laughed at this one in ages. It definitely brightened my weekend.
I went with
estuansinterius and that was also a bonus. We laid bets on who would die first (I won), if Clay was incesty with Whitney (we both one since neither of us would bet against that), and who would live. We also came up with a complex Biblical and Superman allegory expressed through the film (Jason is Jesus and Superman, Whitney is Mary Magdalen and Lois Lane, and Clay is John-the-Apostle-Jesus-loved and Lex Luthor).
Seriously? This was pretty fun. We both have a love of horror, so sharing it with a fan was definitely good times and Jason is also a franchise that's really hard to destroy (I mean, they've already done Jason In Space and Jason Comes Back To Life Because of Lightning).
I think the director really, really likes breasts. Like, even more than I do. There were a lot of naked boobies here. Some of them were more attractive than others. However, taking off your shirt equals death for women in horror and the machete through the head in the lake boob shot was definitely gratuitous. (And what does it say that we've got a gratuitous shot of admittedly nice tits when the character has a machete through the head?)
So when Clay showed up, I started calling him the Victorian (he doesn't drink, smoke, or fuck and Clay will always be my seriously gay exboyfriend in my head) and
estuansinterius called him the Dreamboat. We combined this into the Victorian Dreamboat. We immediately realised that we wanted him to be a Poe-style hero and declared that he was looking for Whitney because he had secret, forbidden love for her and now that their mother was dead, nothing stood in their way. We then giggled a lot. We were rather surprised, then, when Clay finds Whitney and Whitney cries, "Clay! Clay! Baby! Clay!"
Now, writers, when someone cries, "Clay! Clay! Baby! Clay!" to a strapping young man named Clay when he rescues her.... Generally speaking, that someone isn't Clay's sister. "Baby" generally implies other things, especially when Clay is as big and strapping as Clay is. Just saying. I know no one ever writes brothers and sisters in horror, but it's worth working on if you're going to try. Was Clay Whitney's boyfriend in an earlier draft?
Other things... I liked that the black guy, the Asian guy, and in the brunette girl were the only (eventually dead) characters to fight back/try to escape with any success. It was nice to see for once.
I am amused that Jason is apparently great with compound bows and axe throwing as well as your standard fighting skills and machete wielding skills. He's a very well rounded supernatural serial killer.
I'm still not entirely sure why he was keeping Whitney alive. Was it because she reminded him of his mother? Or just because she wore his locket and knew his name?