"Affleck has a luscious cock."
Lesbians! Alcohol! Secrets! Celebrities! (i.e. big fucking, exciting update fo a change.)
We'll start with yesterday....
Thursday, I had to drive in Baltimore City, by myself (a first) to get to Diana's house so we could do our project for theater. You know those adorable old timey houses...yeah that's her house! Basically the entire time we just fucked around. I really love making movies with friends (not that the four of us are friends, but after all the shit we did yesterday, we're pretty close.) See when everyone suggested that I be the star of the play, I was all for it! And then I read the scene we were doing and realized that there was a big girl on girl love scene. But we'll get to that. Total filming was about 2 hours. We filmed jail scenes in her really creepy basement, which I'm sure has dead bodies hidden in it. After like filming only 5 minutes of USEABLE material that's when we broke out the wine and everything went to shit after that. Haha. Now I find this really interesting, one girl had one glass of wine and was like majorly buzzed, my wine did nothing for me, I'm more of a beer girl, another girl had the wine, and like 3 beers while we were there and was still fine. Haha. So after the wine that's when we were supposed to film the love scene in my car. Really hot, you know. Yeah but me making out with friends, has never turned out good (hence why I haven't, nor will I ever make out with Jenny) so we opted out and instead I was supposed to seduce this really creepy mannequin. Yeah like thirty takes later, after it's arm had fallen off, and I had hit my head on the roof of the car, I yell out "I can't do it! It's too creepy! Im afraid it will bite me!" Yeah that's my diva blooper. Haha. So amazingly we finish the car crap, and go back inside and Shaynna glues the face on the giant black dildo, which is actually a vibrator that take a freaking 9-volt battery! Insanity. So we finish the scenes in the kitchen and then we have to move into the bedroom for those scene, in which I have to wear this really tiny purple nighty, and Diana has this little parrot that really likes purple, so while I'm standing around the bird freaking flies at my and attaches itself to me and I freak out. So yeah everything in the bedroom was a first man. Diana showed us all the sex toys she's gotten at those sex toy parties, and then she had this like mouth numbing stuff that she made us all try. But yeah it was definitely the first time I've ever been poked in the face with a giant black dildo. Probably not the last though. So after we finished and Shaynna left, Nicole(5), Diana, and I watched the footage and laughed until our jaws hurt. Oh yeah! And you know, it's too bad that Diana is like 23 and has a boyfriend because she would be perfect for Matt! She's a horror freak too, and she's met all the famous horror people that you and I don't know, but that they're really excited about. So I ended up leaving at like 6 and got lost coming home because I'm sorry but I can't find S Greene St. It doesn't exsist. Eh, I bullshitted my way home, and it was fine. I called Matt on the way home and Jessica was there so I came over. We went and picked up Jessica's brother and then dropped him off agina, and then dropped off Matt b/c we upset him and then we went to pizza hut where I ate everything. Then it was like 10 or something and we drove by Matt's house and he made the mistake of leaving his light on so we "forced" him to let us in. So we hung out there and Jessica and Matt were all buddy buddy :-) while I was on the computer shifting through all of Matt's saved porn links....one has puppies! I embarassed him too much and he deleted them so I wouldn't go there and be like "Oh I bet you really like this picture!" Haha. So Matt dodged Erin's calls, and Steve was freaking out about it bothering him, so it was funny on so many levels. Then Jessica had to leave to pick up her bf. You know what was surprising? How Matt called me out on the whole me not having the right to tease him about moving on from Erin because I do it too. Matt bothered everyone on my buddylist. He kept asking Jenny why she wouldn't have a threesome with us and she was like "Why does it have to be me, when there are so many people who would probably do it with you guys" And that weirded us out and then Jenny kept berrating Matt's penis, so he stopped talking to her. Haha. Then my dad called and was like "where are you it's like midnight?" So then I had to come home. And it was such a bitch slap to come home and realize that not only did I have to write my freaking lad report, I also had to do my website and upload it and then I had gotten an email from Barbara saying that our group was having a meeting at 12 today? That's insanity! I didn't go to bed until like 6 am.
Today. I so didn't want to get up. I was so freaking tired. I almost fell asleep on the way to school. So I met up with Barbara, Jason, Mike, and Joe in the library and they helped me upload my fucking webpage. Finally that's done. I swear I'm so incompetent with that crap. I can't even use frontpage because it's so much easier for me to just type in the html codes. And I still don't know how to use the umbc server thing to upload. Whatever, it's done. So we worked on the group website for like two hours. Insanity. It's funny because everyone kept saying I looked upset. Yeah I was upset that I missed out on two extra hours of sleep! Aparently I must have looked like crap today. So Jason, Joe and I went to get coffee, and then we went to lab. Lab sucked balls today. Oh man it did. The sub can blow me. He's so freaking pretentious. I wanted to vomit. We had to go outside and walk in the stream so I had to wear gross boots. Then when we came back inside, we realized that we had missed a complete section of data so we just made it up. And it freakin worked. Therefore, we're geniuses. That's right. Then we were really lazy and we made up the eutrophication data too. The only good thing was that we got our midterms back and I got a 95! Which I thought was amazing, even though Barbara ended up getting a 100. Sadness. So I had to come home b/c I couldn't go to college park yet b/c Jenny had work and then some show thing to do. I got chinese food on the way home, which possibly was tainted. I had about enough time to eat, take a shower, and get dressed, and then I left at like 5:45. The show was supposed to start at 7 and usually I would have made it there with time to spare but no here had to be fucking traffic all on 95 south which I sat in for like 45 minutes because god hates me. So I don't get to college park until like 7:20 and I'm freaking out. Then I meet up with Jenny and she gives me my ticket, and I'm like "what you're not coming?" and she's like "no the show practice goes on until 1am" Okay now it's a Fillipino culture show....is Jenny Fillipino? NO! Then why is she doing the show?? And she said that she was just "helping out" then why do they need. So I had a hissy fit and she "managed" to get away from the show, but only for an hour. Okay and she was like "oh they're going to get mad if they notice I'm gone." Well she was gone for over an hour and no one noticed, so I'm thinking that it wasn't imperative that she be at the practice. But whatver. So we get to the theater at like 7:30, but thankfully it hadn't started b/c Kevin wasn't there yet. Our seats were actually pretty close, considering there was like 2,700 people or some craziness like that. So the whole time Jenny is like "why isn't he here?" and she's checkig her cellphone like it's her job or something. What a nerd. So I guess at like 7:45, Kevin shows up. And you know the whole day I wasn't like really excited or anything, but we he came on stage I was like so excited. You know everyone is like "oh well I saw the Evening With...Dvd so I know what he's like live" but no it's way different. It seems really intimate, which is weird. But yeah he brought Jason Mewes which was awesome! And by the end Walt Flannagan and Brian Johnson had showed up. How cool is that? So yeah Kevin was late b/c of the traffic on 95 south! His car was probably one of the cars I cut off! So yeah you could go up and ask him questions, I couldn't really think of one except one about degrassi, but no. Dude Kevin Smith fans are vicious too, they have very short attention spans and not a lot of patience, so when you ask a question, you better know your shit. So Jenny "had" to leave at 8:30 (even though no one had called her.) But it was fine because by that time I was into it and didn't want to be bothered. So yeah, Kevin talked to us until almost 1 am. It was insanity. He was super nice about everything. A lot of people left when it started getting late but there was no way I was leaving. I had to pee so bad but I held it. It's weird b/c I always have to pee really bad whenever I want to do something really bad but I just hold it like a trooper. I'm so going to get a UTI one day. Anyway, so yeah it was hilarious...a few highlights...
On the Lord of the Rings trilogy... "Yeah I really couldn't get into it. I mean I appreciated with Peter Jackson did with the film, but it's basically a movie about people walking around." "They should have ended it with Sean Austin just sucking off Elijah Wood because come on, that would have been surprising!"
On Ben Affleck... "Affleck is hung man! His cock is huge...no huge doesn't do it justice, it's monstrous...no, that's too big....okay...only one word to describe it 'luscious'"
On jerking off to his wife's picture in Playboy...."I come out of the bathroom, and she's like 'what's that in your hand?' and I'm like 'oh...a magazine.' And she's like 'which one?' and I'm like 'oh....the Playboy. I was reading the article.' and she was like 'were you jerking off?' and I was like 'yeah, but it was too your picture!' and she goes 'are you retarded? you're fucking married to me. why would you want to jerk off to my picture when you can just have me?'"
After some Asian guy says that Asian girls are wild in bed... "Really? I've never heard that! Is that true?!? Why didn't you tell me that before I got married?!?"
On college... "See I always imagine college life to be all sex and drugs...am I right?" Silence... "Oh. That's disappointing."
Dissing UMD... "If you're born in LA, your IQ drops 40 points automatically." Some girl in the audience yells out hey! "It's true! I mean look, you are going to the University of MD!"
On butt sex (to a girl in the audience)... "So let me get this straight...you'll let your boyfriend hang up a naked picture of someone's wife in your house, but you won't let him near your asshole? You need to loosen up!"
On life philosophy... "There's two things you should do in life...number one: spank it to your wife's picture in playboy and number two: protest your own movie."
Oh it was so awesome. I had a great time.
Oh yeah and apparently Richard Kelly is trying to cast Kevin in a movie? Man just throw Cameron Crowe in and that's like seriously my film orgasm, right there.
Time to crash.
We'll start with yesterday....
Thursday, I had to drive in Baltimore City, by myself (a first) to get to Diana's house so we could do our project for theater. You know those adorable old timey houses...yeah that's her house! Basically the entire time we just fucked around. I really love making movies with friends (not that the four of us are friends, but after all the shit we did yesterday, we're pretty close.) See when everyone suggested that I be the star of the play, I was all for it! And then I read the scene we were doing and realized that there was a big girl on girl love scene. But we'll get to that. Total filming was about 2 hours. We filmed jail scenes in her really creepy basement, which I'm sure has dead bodies hidden in it. After like filming only 5 minutes of USEABLE material that's when we broke out the wine and everything went to shit after that. Haha. Now I find this really interesting, one girl had one glass of wine and was like majorly buzzed, my wine did nothing for me, I'm more of a beer girl, another girl had the wine, and like 3 beers while we were there and was still fine. Haha. So after the wine that's when we were supposed to film the love scene in my car. Really hot, you know. Yeah but me making out with friends, has never turned out good (hence why I haven't, nor will I ever make out with Jenny) so we opted out and instead I was supposed to seduce this really creepy mannequin. Yeah like thirty takes later, after it's arm had fallen off, and I had hit my head on the roof of the car, I yell out "I can't do it! It's too creepy! Im afraid it will bite me!" Yeah that's my diva blooper. Haha. So amazingly we finish the car crap, and go back inside and Shaynna glues the face on the giant black dildo, which is actually a vibrator that take a freaking 9-volt battery! Insanity. So we finish the scenes in the kitchen and then we have to move into the bedroom for those scene, in which I have to wear this really tiny purple nighty, and Diana has this little parrot that really likes purple, so while I'm standing around the bird freaking flies at my and attaches itself to me and I freak out. So yeah everything in the bedroom was a first man. Diana showed us all the sex toys she's gotten at those sex toy parties, and then she had this like mouth numbing stuff that she made us all try. But yeah it was definitely the first time I've ever been poked in the face with a giant black dildo. Probably not the last though. So after we finished and Shaynna left, Nicole(5), Diana, and I watched the footage and laughed until our jaws hurt. Oh yeah! And you know, it's too bad that Diana is like 23 and has a boyfriend because she would be perfect for Matt! She's a horror freak too, and she's met all the famous horror people that you and I don't know, but that they're really excited about. So I ended up leaving at like 6 and got lost coming home because I'm sorry but I can't find S Greene St. It doesn't exsist. Eh, I bullshitted my way home, and it was fine. I called Matt on the way home and Jessica was there so I came over. We went and picked up Jessica's brother and then dropped him off agina, and then dropped off Matt b/c we upset him and then we went to pizza hut where I ate everything. Then it was like 10 or something and we drove by Matt's house and he made the mistake of leaving his light on so we "forced" him to let us in. So we hung out there and Jessica and Matt were all buddy buddy :-) while I was on the computer shifting through all of Matt's saved porn links....one has puppies! I embarassed him too much and he deleted them so I wouldn't go there and be like "Oh I bet you really like this picture!" Haha. So Matt dodged Erin's calls, and Steve was freaking out about it bothering him, so it was funny on so many levels. Then Jessica had to leave to pick up her bf. You know what was surprising? How Matt called me out on the whole me not having the right to tease him about moving on from Erin because I do it too. Matt bothered everyone on my buddylist. He kept asking Jenny why she wouldn't have a threesome with us and she was like "Why does it have to be me, when there are so many people who would probably do it with you guys" And that weirded us out and then Jenny kept berrating Matt's penis, so he stopped talking to her. Haha. Then my dad called and was like "where are you it's like midnight?" So then I had to come home. And it was such a bitch slap to come home and realize that not only did I have to write my freaking lad report, I also had to do my website and upload it and then I had gotten an email from Barbara saying that our group was having a meeting at 12 today? That's insanity! I didn't go to bed until like 6 am.
Today. I so didn't want to get up. I was so freaking tired. I almost fell asleep on the way to school. So I met up with Barbara, Jason, Mike, and Joe in the library and they helped me upload my fucking webpage. Finally that's done. I swear I'm so incompetent with that crap. I can't even use frontpage because it's so much easier for me to just type in the html codes. And I still don't know how to use the umbc server thing to upload. Whatever, it's done. So we worked on the group website for like two hours. Insanity. It's funny because everyone kept saying I looked upset. Yeah I was upset that I missed out on two extra hours of sleep! Aparently I must have looked like crap today. So Jason, Joe and I went to get coffee, and then we went to lab. Lab sucked balls today. Oh man it did. The sub can blow me. He's so freaking pretentious. I wanted to vomit. We had to go outside and walk in the stream so I had to wear gross boots. Then when we came back inside, we realized that we had missed a complete section of data so we just made it up. And it freakin worked. Therefore, we're geniuses. That's right. Then we were really lazy and we made up the eutrophication data too. The only good thing was that we got our midterms back and I got a 95! Which I thought was amazing, even though Barbara ended up getting a 100. Sadness. So I had to come home b/c I couldn't go to college park yet b/c Jenny had work and then some show thing to do. I got chinese food on the way home, which possibly was tainted. I had about enough time to eat, take a shower, and get dressed, and then I left at like 5:45. The show was supposed to start at 7 and usually I would have made it there with time to spare but no here had to be fucking traffic all on 95 south which I sat in for like 45 minutes because god hates me. So I don't get to college park until like 7:20 and I'm freaking out. Then I meet up with Jenny and she gives me my ticket, and I'm like "what you're not coming?" and she's like "no the show practice goes on until 1am" Okay now it's a Fillipino culture show....is Jenny Fillipino? NO! Then why is she doing the show?? And she said that she was just "helping out" then why do they need. So I had a hissy fit and she "managed" to get away from the show, but only for an hour. Okay and she was like "oh they're going to get mad if they notice I'm gone." Well she was gone for over an hour and no one noticed, so I'm thinking that it wasn't imperative that she be at the practice. But whatver. So we get to the theater at like 7:30, but thankfully it hadn't started b/c Kevin wasn't there yet. Our seats were actually pretty close, considering there was like 2,700 people or some craziness like that. So the whole time Jenny is like "why isn't he here?" and she's checkig her cellphone like it's her job or something. What a nerd. So I guess at like 7:45, Kevin shows up. And you know the whole day I wasn't like really excited or anything, but we he came on stage I was like so excited. You know everyone is like "oh well I saw the Evening With...Dvd so I know what he's like live" but no it's way different. It seems really intimate, which is weird. But yeah he brought Jason Mewes which was awesome! And by the end Walt Flannagan and Brian Johnson had showed up. How cool is that? So yeah Kevin was late b/c of the traffic on 95 south! His car was probably one of the cars I cut off! So yeah you could go up and ask him questions, I couldn't really think of one except one about degrassi, but no. Dude Kevin Smith fans are vicious too, they have very short attention spans and not a lot of patience, so when you ask a question, you better know your shit. So Jenny "had" to leave at 8:30 (even though no one had called her.) But it was fine because by that time I was into it and didn't want to be bothered. So yeah, Kevin talked to us until almost 1 am. It was insanity. He was super nice about everything. A lot of people left when it started getting late but there was no way I was leaving. I had to pee so bad but I held it. It's weird b/c I always have to pee really bad whenever I want to do something really bad but I just hold it like a trooper. I'm so going to get a UTI one day. Anyway, so yeah it was hilarious...a few highlights...
On the Lord of the Rings trilogy... "Yeah I really couldn't get into it. I mean I appreciated with Peter Jackson did with the film, but it's basically a movie about people walking around." "They should have ended it with Sean Austin just sucking off Elijah Wood because come on, that would have been surprising!"
On Ben Affleck... "Affleck is hung man! His cock is huge...no huge doesn't do it justice, it's monstrous...no, that's too big....okay...only one word to describe it 'luscious'"
On jerking off to his wife's picture in Playboy...."I come out of the bathroom, and she's like 'what's that in your hand?' and I'm like 'oh...a magazine.' And she's like 'which one?' and I'm like 'oh....the Playboy. I was reading the article.' and she was like 'were you jerking off?' and I was like 'yeah, but it was too your picture!' and she goes 'are you retarded? you're fucking married to me. why would you want to jerk off to my picture when you can just have me?'"
After some Asian guy says that Asian girls are wild in bed... "Really? I've never heard that! Is that true?!? Why didn't you tell me that before I got married?!?"
On college... "See I always imagine college life to be all sex and drugs...am I right?" Silence... "Oh. That's disappointing."
Dissing UMD... "If you're born in LA, your IQ drops 40 points automatically." Some girl in the audience yells out hey! "It's true! I mean look, you are going to the University of MD!"
On butt sex (to a girl in the audience)... "So let me get this straight...you'll let your boyfriend hang up a naked picture of someone's wife in your house, but you won't let him near your asshole? You need to loosen up!"
On life philosophy... "There's two things you should do in life...number one: spank it to your wife's picture in playboy and number two: protest your own movie."
Oh it was so awesome. I had a great time.
Oh yeah and apparently Richard Kelly is trying to cast Kevin in a movie? Man just throw Cameron Crowe in and that's like seriously my film orgasm, right there.
Time to crash.