The thing about life as a human that Mitchell was realizing was that the bumps in the road turned out to be a whole lot more stressful from this end. Not that he hadn't had his fair share (less than, really) of heartache, stress and worry as a vampire back home. But through all that, every heartbreaking, earth-shattering, life-changing thing, the
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Sighing, she leaned back against the wall, momentarily raising a hand to rub one of her temples in a circular motion. "Look, I'm just saying, in the end, I'm fine, nothing else happened, and frankly I didn't want the whole island going and either angering him more or terrifying him out of his pants," she reasoned. "And besides, it's not like the IPD wasn't looking out for me and anyone else that Russell could've snapped around."
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He probably wouldn't think so a couple hours after this.
"That was once and there were extenuating circumstances," he replied in a rather pedantic tone of voice he might have picked up from George. Or George from him. "It's not like you cause trouble and earn enemies wherever you go, Sookie. Having someone attack you isn't something someone like you should just accept as.. natural cause and effect. And it's not the whole island," he said, shifting gears with a strain in his voice. "It's just me. It would have been just me. This was something that could have been taken care of, dealt with. It went away because he disappeared, not because of anything else. It didn't just fade out itself because no one touched it."
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The feeling of being told to rely on a man's protection, equally so.
"Would've been just you to do... what, exactly?" Sookie asked, incredulity in her voice. "Threaten him? Reason with him? 'Cause I've gotta say, I don't need anyone fighting my battles for me. Battles which, let me remind you, were nonexistent, and when I talked to him later on he was completely civil. I don't see how having someone else talk to him, least of all my boyfriend, would have helped anything." Sighing, she threaded her fingers through her hair, dropping her forehead to her knee.
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"He attacked you, Sookie. Why would he deign to really talk to you? Obviously he didn't respect you, so why should he tell you the truth? This isn't about me being your boyfriend. This is about me being someone other than you who wouldn't have walked away without some kind of answer. And, you know what," he said, stopping suddenly and fixing her with an injured, frowning look, "this is about me being your boyfriend. I love you. I have a right to be involved. I'm supposed to be-- to be your support. When you hurt, I hurt. Someone hurts you, they hurt me. I could have helped. I should have helped."
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It would have been a disservice to them both, some part of her knew, even if she hadn't consciously acknowledged it as such.
"Kinda sounds like what I said to you a couple of weeks ago, doesn't it?" she asked, raising a brow. "But you and I both know that just 'cause we love each other doesn't mean we'll tell each other everything, all the time. I thought I could handle it- no, I wanted to handle it myself, Mitchell. I'm not gonna apologize for making a decision."
She drew in a shaky breath. "But I'm sharin' now, 'cause... he's gone now. I only kept it to myself 'cause I didn't want anyone leaping to conclusions- which you're still doing, by the way."
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"That's different," he said. The words came out with a brusque kind of finality, not backed up by the fact that he continued to justify his actions, voice rising to an almost pleading note. "This isn't a memory, Sookie. It's not a bad feeling to shake off. This was an actual person who hurt you. I mean, you're only telling me now because you thought there wouldn't be any consequences. Because you thought I'd just take it and thank you for it. When really you should be apologizing. Not for making a decision, but making the wrong one."
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"I never- never- asked you to thank me for telling of you any of this. I only told you 'cause I thought you'd understand why I waited until now, but I can see that you don't. So yeah, I'm sorry," Sookie replied, eyes flashing with anger, the very heat of it rising to her cheeks. "I'm sorry I made the mistake of telling you."
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But the moment did not last long enough. Sookie started speaking again, stoking the fire in Mitchell. He readied another verbal volley, but was cut short when he realized that the act of putting on shoes hadn't been some meaningless movement. "Are you--" He stopped, frowning in confusion. "Are you seriously storming out in a huff right now? Did you really just turn this into a Gone with the Wind thing?"
She was storming out of her own house, for God's sake. What the hell was going on?
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But all of that doubt had wiped away the second he, in his own way, demanded an apology. Sookie drew in a deep breath, shaking her head. Eyes glanced up, then over, and Sookie shook her head until she set a foot out the entrance.
"Apparently not."
She only had enough presence of mind not to slam the door behind her.
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Mitchell stood, stunned, in the main room of her hut, letting the seconds tick by as he processed this. He wasn't daft. He understood that she had walked out because she was angry with him. What he had to figure was whether or not she wanted him to chase after him. And if he even should, right now.
The longer he stood there, the silence pressing down on him, the less of a damn he gave about what was the right move or not. Strategy was never his strength. He was a soldier, a follower, and when not, a man of gut instinct.
"Sookie!" he shouted after her as he shouldered through the door. "Come on, Sookie, stop! I'm sorry I've been a cock, I just-- God, do you know how frustrating this is?"
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"Mitchell," she began, turning around with her arms quickly folding nervously across her chest. "You don't have to tell me how frustrating it's been for you, okay? I get it. You're not the only person who's bound to be frustrated to high heaven that I never said anything about Russell. You know, I came to tell you before Jason, and I'm still not sure whether or not I wanna be telling Jason at all. I just... don't see how it was necessary."
With a slow exhale, she pressed her lips together, shaking her head. "And I can't be relyin' on anyone else to look after me, because I won't always have someone. Because it was only luck that had Rahne there when Russell attacked. I gotta learn to figure this out on my own, 'cause you... might not always be there, for one reason or another."
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Had been at stake, he reminded himself. This was something long past that they were arguing about, something done and, now, gone.
Shutting his eyes, he drew in a deep breath and let it out, willing himself to hear what she was saying, even if he didn't agree, even if his nerves made him feel sick at the thought.
"But just because I might not be sometimes doesn't mean you should shut me out," he said. Eyes open, Mitchell gave her a look nigh on pleading, without fully realizing it. "That what friends are for. To help you. To.. to keep you from going astray and keep you safe. It doesn't make you weak. God, do you even know where I'd be without George and Annie? The sort of person I'd be? I can fend for myself-- I have for years-- but I'd be mad not to take what they give me. I'm not askin' ya to be some.. some helpless person dependent on everyone else. But there's got to be something in between that and where we are now. 'Cause right now, I'm scared somethin's gonna happen and no one'll know before it's too late."
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"I'm not tryin' to shut you out," Sookie replied softly, shaking her head, arms still wrapped tightly around her chest. "And maybe I did, and I'm- I'm sorry, you know how easily I get ahead of myself. I guess from day one, it was just like... all the troubles from home were gone, were so far away that I kept on forgettin' more and more about them by the day. I kept being so proud of myself, like I finally knew how to get somewhere on my own, then this happens and I take three steps back all over again."
Tentatively looking up, Sookie took a deep breath. "I'll try harder? I can't promise that I'll change in a day, but... I've been keepin' a lot to myself and it isn't doing me any favors."
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"You're selfless and kind and strong and know what you want and don't take no for an answer, even when I wish to God you would." Sensing an easing in their respective tensions, some kind of light breaking through the storm clouds, Mitchell reached out to rest his hands on her shoulders. He looked at her face and remembered just how much he loved her, for all the reasons that made moments like this happen. She was a fighter, and that made him want to fight, too.
Even though some battles should be saved for another day. Certain secrets had to be left untold, lest they spoil things unnecessarily. Some would say that now was the perfect time to tell her exactly what had been troubling him for weeks. But Mitchell knew it wasn't. It was an awful time. One fire put out, or nearly banked enough to be safe, there was no reason to start another. Let them rest for a bit and regain their strength, and maybe, one day, it'd be time.
Even so, he made admissions without saying the whole truth. "We've both been keeping a lot to ourselves," he conceded, sounding a bit tired. "Maybe the reason I'm hard on you is because I wasn't hard enough on myself. Let's just... give it a rest and try to do better from here on out?"
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"You know, I think I got kinda spoiled back home, 'cause when I ever really needed to know something, I could touch someone's hand and it'd all be there. Can't count the number of times I managed to get Jason out of trouble that way," Sookie went on, running her thumb over Mitchell's hand, thoughtful. "And now that I can't do that, it's like I start bottling up my own problems even more than before to even it out. But that isn't exactly fair, either."
Pausing to let the thought sink in, Sookie nodded to herself and glanced up again, cheeks lightly flushed in embarrassment, from tried nerves. "We'll try together to get better at this?" she asked, tilting her head.
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But just then, he felt none of those things. What he did feel was a genuine sense of hopefulness, the relief of getting out of an argument relatively unscathed, relationship in tact. It made you believe that things would be alright, regardless of what came at you. He and Sookie were okay. Not perfect, but okay, and he wouldn't jeopardize that now by saying too much.
He smiled faintly and nodded his head. "Together," he repeated. "Maybe there'll be hope for the two of us yet, that way."
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