As inspired
As inspired by a friend of mine....
The snow in my boots was leaving slushy prints on the glassed tile of the mall. The sound of wet rubber was mildly grating as I rushed to complete my shopping. Head down I shoved through the throng in an attempt to grab last minute tokens of appreciation for a bunch of people i barely like. My fingers brushed the last box of Fluffy Jujumon trading cards, the in gift of the year for snotty boys and 20 something geeks. I watched as the last box was dragged from my grip, "Not fast enough, you must be new." The overweight harlot sporting a Naughty elf baby T cackled her agreement.
As glared at the box bouncing merely to the cash register I began to notice the holiday mob in all it's festive mood. A christmas tree of a grandma was beating a young boy off a laptop, a green clad woman screamed at a man cutting in line, and atop of it all the Fat Man in his red suit laughed from on his pedestal. Did the children know he was a fraud? A pedaphile with a baby on his lap relishing the holiday ignorance. I remebered the way that Santa touched me all those years ago. How my parents watched with camera in hand, ignorant of the stiffness of red velvet. No amount of Jim Beam could wash down the sour taste of childhood illusions drowning in that crushed suit.
To this day I know not why, But as that box sailed merely to the smiling register my hand unleashed hell in the form of Mariah Carey's latest cd straiaght to the back of Captin pro-shoppers head. As he turned to eye his assalant I lunged. Ginsu, buy one get one free; I only needed one to gleafully add red dripping tinsel to the cashiers elvish hat. The pro shopper slid to his gurgling knees as the cashier's screamed. I wasted no time in heading for grandma leaving holiday gore in my wake. I snatched the disputed laptop from her hand. "To slow granny." Techno crunch resounded over the increasing din as grandmas head became windows compatible.
Santa no longer laughed as he lept from his podium, heading for the employee only exit behind the winterwonderland display. Ginsu cut prices as it impaled it self into Santa's achelle's tendon. As I moved to the prone jolly man I wound garland in my hands singing Jingle bells. "What about the children?" I cried as I slipped mistletoed wired tighter on his neck. Santa struggled for a moment before succumbing. And as I rose and walked to the exit Fluffy Jujumon in hand I yelled to the panicked mob "Merry Fucking Christmas!"
Okay so it's not the best but I was only giving ten minutes. Can you kill santa in ten minutes?
The snow in my boots was leaving slushy prints on the glassed tile of the mall. The sound of wet rubber was mildly grating as I rushed to complete my shopping. Head down I shoved through the throng in an attempt to grab last minute tokens of appreciation for a bunch of people i barely like. My fingers brushed the last box of Fluffy Jujumon trading cards, the in gift of the year for snotty boys and 20 something geeks. I watched as the last box was dragged from my grip, "Not fast enough, you must be new." The overweight harlot sporting a Naughty elf baby T cackled her agreement.
As glared at the box bouncing merely to the cash register I began to notice the holiday mob in all it's festive mood. A christmas tree of a grandma was beating a young boy off a laptop, a green clad woman screamed at a man cutting in line, and atop of it all the Fat Man in his red suit laughed from on his pedestal. Did the children know he was a fraud? A pedaphile with a baby on his lap relishing the holiday ignorance. I remebered the way that Santa touched me all those years ago. How my parents watched with camera in hand, ignorant of the stiffness of red velvet. No amount of Jim Beam could wash down the sour taste of childhood illusions drowning in that crushed suit.
To this day I know not why, But as that box sailed merely to the smiling register my hand unleashed hell in the form of Mariah Carey's latest cd straiaght to the back of Captin pro-shoppers head. As he turned to eye his assalant I lunged. Ginsu, buy one get one free; I only needed one to gleafully add red dripping tinsel to the cashiers elvish hat. The pro shopper slid to his gurgling knees as the cashier's screamed. I wasted no time in heading for grandma leaving holiday gore in my wake. I snatched the disputed laptop from her hand. "To slow granny." Techno crunch resounded over the increasing din as grandmas head became windows compatible.
Santa no longer laughed as he lept from his podium, heading for the employee only exit behind the winterwonderland display. Ginsu cut prices as it impaled it self into Santa's achelle's tendon. As I moved to the prone jolly man I wound garland in my hands singing Jingle bells. "What about the children?" I cried as I slipped mistletoed wired tighter on his neck. Santa struggled for a moment before succumbing. And as I rose and walked to the exit Fluffy Jujumon in hand I yelled to the panicked mob "Merry Fucking Christmas!"
Okay so it's not the best but I was only giving ten minutes. Can you kill santa in ten minutes?