and you will know us by the trail of elliptical trainers...
+ Tall people = Not good
Dear 24 Hour Fitness/Hollywood,
Hello. How r u? Good? Great. Me? Not so good. You see...I'm tall. And I like to kick carb ass every now and then. But I have a problem. Jay-Z = 99 problems. Me = One. That problem is that I look freakishly weird on any of your 5000 elliptical trainers. Have you ever seen a tall guy ride a bike? It's kinda like that...but stranger. With your short elliptical models, I have to bend over a bit to reach and I always feel like I'm slowly running downhill on my heels. Girls try to give me the "head nod" or ask my caloric burning rate, but all I can do is look straight ahead (not even at the TV) and hope I don't stumble face first into the console. Which reminds me of a time I saw a sorority girl in college pass out on a treadmill while trying to lose weight for spring break. That wasn't smart. And neither would me stopping everyone's workouts by passing full out on your short elliptical trainer. I'd hate to have to hire Johnnie C. and bring in a sample trainer to a courtroom to illustrate the enormous safety hazard you have thrust upon my hips, lower thighs and calves. Soo...if you could please special order a taller elliptical and place it somewhere in the near vicinity of the elliptical area, I would be much obliged. You could even put it on the other side facing the others. I can be made an example of. I don't mind. I'll even wave and tell jokes to everyone while they train. Completely gratis.
Peace, love and lats,
Chase
p.s. There's this one 40ish guy that I don't even think works out at the gym. He just gets gratuitously nekkid in the locker room and wants to talk to me about politics. If you could please ask him to either work out or cover up, I wouldn't have to puke out my $7 protein shakes. Thanks.