open bar = happytime...
So the company Christmas party is tonight. I have to wear a over-21 wristband. I hope it doesn't clash with my anti-bully wristband, which has replaced my Kabbalah bracelet, which in turn replaced my watch, which didn't work anyways. So whatever.
But, truth be told, office parties are the weirdest time of the year. For one moment in time, we all forget about how little we're getting paid, how little we're appreciated, how little we actually do in a given workday...and we're blinded by the promise of Open Bar. On a Thursday night. When we have work on Friday A.M. I actually saw someone puke on someone else's face last year. That's how Ultimate Fighting Championship this event is. It's so friggin' scary that I just walk around double fisting, wide-eyed, with a huge smile on my face. The people I'm going with this year have decided this Open Bar thingee isn't enough. We must "pre-grame," which is technically how Anne Nichole Smith pronounced it when we were explaining the concept to her two Christmas parties ago.
And it being Hollywood and being a "show business" function, there is bound to be a few other C-list stars to chat up between slamdancing sessions (i.e. David Not-Austin Green, the first Joe Millionaire, every single Real World-Road Rules All-Star ever). But, in a "Different World," Dwayne-Wayne-buzz, my top 5 attendees would be:
5. Topanga - We have unfinished bizness, girl. You know it. I know it. Let's know it together. Over some fried chitlins.
4. The Entire Female Cast of Desperate Housewives - I can only claim insanity that we haven't been brought together sooner. This could be the best damn dodgeball team of all time.
3. The Federlines - Love her or hate her, you can't say that Britney wouldn't be fun as hell to hang with. She makes me want to write a children's book about compassion, title it "It's Love, Y'all" and have her narrate the book-on-tape. Instant millions.
2. Jesus - Imagine the implications if he came back just for a crappy Hollywood Christmas party? What would he do?
1. Lindsay Lohan - This girl is pure trailer trash, which practically makes us next of kin. And this cover screams poster on my wall.
p.s. Is anyone as excited as me about this movie? If I was in NC, there'd be running countdowns in every bank, bar and post office.