catharsis.
just so there is no confusion, i want to let you know that i'm a terrible friend. don't get me wrong. i absolutely adore my friends. but i just can't drink every day. i can't stay out late every night. i can't always make it to lunch. or the bar. or to your show. or your place of work. or your house twenty minutes away. but you should know i would. see, here's the problem: i moved to austin for a reason. and that reason was to make films. and to bust my ass and learn all aspects of filmmaking inside and out. and to get involved in every film society and organization and project i could. sit in my apartment and make stop motion animation. or crap to put on cable access television. or sit around and watch those old movies you hate and fall asleep to. but this is what my life is. and i need to make it a priority. i don't want to get to a point in my life where i feel like i missed my chance. because there is only one. and that eats away at me every second. and i know that you, yes you, get mad at me at least once or twice a week. or mention my name and the word flake in the same sentence. and the knot in the pit of stomach gets bigger everytime i realize that i've fallen asleep instead of left the house or picked up the phone. but that only means i'm tired and probably slept about four hours the night before. i just can't feel this way anymore. and my darlings, you must understand. my cameras are getting dusty. and my cat is pissed because she sits alone for the majority of the day waiting just inside the front door for me to show up. and work wants me to come in for a ten hour shift at fourfortyfive in the morning five days a week. and my body hurts. and my eyes are dry. and i'm sorry for the way that i am. and the fact that i'm quite possibly a very terrible friend.