Metro Hetro Jerk
So basically, i find it interesting that john and i have a permanent bond, no matter what.
24 was today for the first time in far too long and it was epic.
i saw my jeff and my john.
we malled.
john and i will probably end up together. married. one day.
stelly might wanna date me.
kyle was my honorary date yesterday.
and other than drama drama drama, my life has been.. just kindof you know.
i have school tomorrow and teusday, and then im peacing out for thanksgiving.
then a few weeks till the semester ends
and i can beathe for a hot second.
i just want to dance.
i just want to go and be and do.
i want to be happy
and i want to be in love
and i want to go out and have dates or
show someone off and i want to be shown off
and i want to spend time with someone specific
and i want to kiss someone on new years.
and i want to feel what every other girl seems to feel when they date
and that is the disgustingly overtrusting commitment all in the name of something referred to as, but probably not actually being love.
i just want to feel what they all seem to feel.
i want to dive into something that i know will eventually make me miserable, and be able to ignore that fact.
i want to drool and fawn over someone.
i want to have someone. be with someone.
and someday get married and have kids.
i want a life like everyone else wants and im sick of fighting the system because i know how it goes.
overcommitment, use and abuse, heartbreak, lonliness, emptiness, giving too much, taking too much, being too dependent or depended upon. the fighting the mistrust the lack of mutual feelings.
i know all that. i want to not care like everyone else.
because i dont want to be alone forever though i could potentially be.
i dont want to be a love pessemist.
i want to believe in it.
i want to feel it. i want to feel SOMETHING
i want to stop running away scared.
i know it has to exist.
there are people out there who believe in it so blindly.
cant i be one once?
cant i feel it once?
let me get my heart broken, please
if it allows me a moment of feeling love and abandonment and pure hope in something so rediculous as someone giving as much as me.
and why does everything that feels good
have to be bad?
chocolate
touching
sleeping in
taking time off
procrastinating
getting involved.
anyways.
24 was today for the first time in far too long and it was epic.
i saw my jeff and my john.
we malled.
john and i will probably end up together. married. one day.
stelly might wanna date me.
kyle was my honorary date yesterday.
and other than drama drama drama, my life has been.. just kindof you know.
i have school tomorrow and teusday, and then im peacing out for thanksgiving.
then a few weeks till the semester ends
and i can beathe for a hot second.
i just want to dance.
i just want to go and be and do.
i want to be happy
and i want to be in love
and i want to go out and have dates or
show someone off and i want to be shown off
and i want to spend time with someone specific
and i want to kiss someone on new years.
and i want to feel what every other girl seems to feel when they date
and that is the disgustingly overtrusting commitment all in the name of something referred to as, but probably not actually being love.
i just want to feel what they all seem to feel.
i want to dive into something that i know will eventually make me miserable, and be able to ignore that fact.
i want to drool and fawn over someone.
i want to have someone. be with someone.
and someday get married and have kids.
i want a life like everyone else wants and im sick of fighting the system because i know how it goes.
overcommitment, use and abuse, heartbreak, lonliness, emptiness, giving too much, taking too much, being too dependent or depended upon. the fighting the mistrust the lack of mutual feelings.
i know all that. i want to not care like everyone else.
because i dont want to be alone forever though i could potentially be.
i dont want to be a love pessemist.
i want to believe in it.
i want to feel it. i want to feel SOMETHING
i want to stop running away scared.
i know it has to exist.
there are people out there who believe in it so blindly.
cant i be one once?
cant i feel it once?
let me get my heart broken, please
if it allows me a moment of feeling love and abandonment and pure hope in something so rediculous as someone giving as much as me.
and why does everything that feels good
have to be bad?
chocolate
touching
sleeping in
taking time off
procrastinating
getting involved.
anyways.