just_muse_me | 19.1.2. Robertson Davies quote
19.1.2. “Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.” - Robertson Davies
Co-written with justalilcontact
[Follows THIS]
It was an off-chemo week. In other words, a "good" week. Good was probably pushing it. Chase was tired all the time these days. Off-chemo week just meant he didn't spend days on end with various bodily fluids exploding from various bodily orifices. Off-chemo week still meant he felt tired and weak, still felt like his skin was uncomfortably sunburned, still had mouth ulcers, still had no hair, still had only one real ball. But compared to the days following the chemo treatment, this was actually feeling good. He sat in the living room with his baby daughter nursed contentedly in his arms. He held the silver Tiffany rattle up in front of her (spontaneous gift from the Cajun godfather), enjoying the way she was just beginning to reach for things these days. She wasn't even quite two months old, but she had been what was keeping Chase going right now. A reason to fight this with everything he had.
He brushed his fingers through her thick, dark hair and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "You're Daddy's beautiful girl, you know that? He shouldn't be creating things like you. You're going to give him a hernia when he's middle aged and you start noticing boys. Like Wee Campbell. It doesn't take a genius to know he's going to catch your eye. But that's okay. Good genes there. You just aren't ever allowed to have sex..." He smiled down at her and adjusted the little frilly pink dress she had on with matching booties and bonnet especially for Mother's Day. She made a cooing nose and pressed her face in against Chase's chest and he cupped one of her tiny feet into his palm.
Rogue entered the living room still in her green silk robe and slip. Her hair was still sleep tousled and she gave her husband and daughter a sleepy smile. She held a tray with tea, the bracelet that was her Mother's Day gift was already on her wrist. She'd slept in longer than she'd anticipated, the first time she got up far too early but Mia had wanted to be fed, and there was no rest for Rogue's breasts while Mia was still feeding off her. Chase had set up camp in the living room with Mia soon afterwards, letting Rogue go back to bed for more sleep.
Rogue set the tray down before she curled up beside the Doc and rest her head on his shoulder. "You shoulda been the one to go back to bed, sugar. I coulda stayed up... But thank you. Thank ya both. I always feel so spoiled with you."
Chase kissed Rogue's head and rested his back against the sofa. "It's okay. We were father-daughter bonding... or something. Mostly constituted her dribbling on me and probably completely ignoring what I was saying. But I hear that's a daughter's job," he joked. "In saying that, I might have to go back a bit later. I'm trying to work out when my head got to feeling so heavy and when my neck stopped being strong enough to hold it. I can see why the Queen has so many servants now. She's got the right idea."
Rogue touched her fingers to Mia's belly and smiled again as she stifled a yawn and watched her daughter rub her nose against the Doc's chest. "If ya wanna put her back in her crib I can always be ya pillow for a little while. Or I can just keep her down here so she don't disturb ya." Rogue lifted her head to look at her husband, and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I know it's Mother's Day, but if ya need anythin' ya still allowed to ask. Mia ain't old enough to be my slave yet, so I'll just make do with bein' yours."
Chase laughed softly. "I'm cool, babe. This is nice. Family time when I'm half way feeling okay. I'm not taking it for granted." He scratched a little at the side of his head, the bandana covering the fact he had shaved his head in anticipation of losing his hair. Remy had shown up a couple of days ago with no less than fifty different bandanas. It was the first time ever Chase managed to see the caring Cajun behind the smirk. There was more to Remy LeBeau than could ever meet the eye. Plus, he was a brilliant godfather to Mia, which was a huge weight off Chase's mind on the chance he might not... well, in case Mia needed a male role model in the future. "When I'm feeling better, we'll celebrate Mother's Day and your birthday with style, I promise."
Rogue laughed softly, and kissed the back of his hand shielding Mia's tiny feet. "I'm okay without the celebrations, Doc. I still know ya love me, and I still get pretty spoiled with gifts. It's enough to know that you're feelin' somewhat okay." Her head came back to rest on his shoulder and she let her arm drape over his torso. She wasn't sure she'd have got through any of this without Remy, and she owed him a small fortune. She also owed Logan for coming on the nights Remy couldn't, and for just being here even if he hadn't known what to do like Remy did now. The Cajun was slowly falling into a routine with her family, and Rogue really was grateful to him. "Do you really not want her to have sex? How are we going to get grandchildren?"
Chase shook his head. "Nope. She's never having sex," he insisted and then smirked tiredly down at her. "I guess in my effed up chemo brain, I just project a lot of thoughts to the future. What she might be like, if she really will be close to Riley Campbell, what she might want to do in college, if she'll have powers like you, if I'll get to walk her down the aisle..." He pulled his lips to the side. "I'm not naive enough to just assume I'm going to be here to see all that. I need to stay rational somewhere along the line."
"If she'll even want to walk down the aisle," Rogue replied as she looked at her daughter thoughtfully. "She might prefer to live in sin with Riley Campbell, or some other boy. I don't think you're going to let any other boy near her though. I don't think Remy would, either. He might be acceptin' of Riley Campbell dependin' on how much he's like his daddy. I keep wonderin' if she's gonna want to be a doctor like you. If she's gonna be as smart as you, and wanna heal people."
Chase gave a laugh. "You know, even if Wee Campbell turns out like Lachlan, I wouldn't mind. At least we know she would be loved and protected. Lachlan and I are similiar in our past experiences. That could really be a scary thing," he realised, raising his eyebrows. "She might want to do something completely different, like body piercing." He cringed as he said it. "Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just like my daughter without holes."
"Yeah, but that means he's got to go off and have experience. He needs to get those past experiences before realising Mia's the one for him... I doubt you would have stayed celebate if someone had told you at twelve that you were meant to be with me for the rest of your life." Rogue laughed softly as she looked up at Chase. "Better Wee Campbell keeps it in his pants from a young age when he realises that Mia's incredibly beautiful and much better than any other girls, even if she does wind up with holes."
Chase looked at her and laughed, holding his free hand up. "I'm sorry. The romance is sweet and all, but he's still Lachlan Campbell's spawn. There will be a curiousity on some level. At the same time... I don't know... they've been through a lot. It wouldn't surprise me if he's a total knight in shining armour and spends the rest of his life with one girl. Tara and Lachlan are romantics through and through. It'll probably rub off. Hopefully they find some sort of niche together... even if it's just watching out for each other when they grow up. Riley won't have any siblings, whether Mia will... who knows."
Rogue shifted onto her knees and wrapped her arms around both father and daughter as she kissed Chase's forehead. "You know if we just have Mia, I'll still be happy. She's more than I ever coulda wished for. I honestly thought that when we lost our first baby that that would be it. I'm just so glad we have her... and I'll be even happier if you pull through this."
"I just want to be here a lot longer than this," Chase murmured and then smiled down at them both. "Just taking each day, though... it can have it's benefits."
"Oh yeah?" Rogue asked as she kissed his lips softly. "What benefits?"
Chase shrugged and gave a slight laugh. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'm just trying to stay positive. There are benefits, I just... don't always realise them until they're looking me in the face."
Rogue made her eyes go wide as she rest her forehead against his and stared into eyes before she started giggling. "Pretty sure there's two very good reasons right here. Me and Mia should be enough to get ya goin' in the mornin'. I mean, how can ya miss our beautiful daughter? And how can ya miss my very sexy bed hair?"
Chase shifted in his seat, squirming a little. "I didn't mean it like that," he said quietly. "You two are all I think about."
Rogue frowned as she looked at him. "I didn't mean it like that, either... I was just teasin'. I'm sorry, sugar. I really didn't mean to hit a sore spot. I shoulda thought more before openin' my mouth."
"No, I'm sorry." Chase frowned himself. "I really am. I'm a sensitive, humourless shit lately. I just don't want you to think I don't take either of you for granted. You're both the reason I haven't given up."
"It's okay, Doc. I know it can't be easy for ya. Any of it... I guess I just gotta be careful what kinda jokes I make. Mia and I are always gonna be here for ya. We won't ever think you're takin' us for granted. We just want ya to be okay." Rogue brushed back Mia's hair and leaned down to kiss her daughter's forehead as the littlest Chase started to rub at her face.
Chase wet his dry lips and looked down at them again. "We should do something. Go to the beach. Atlantic City. Just... have some fun," he suggested.
Rogue raised her eyebrows a little. "Are ya feelin' up to it? I'm all for fun, but I don't wanna drain ya energy completely. We should go to the beach, though. I know that ya always feel better near the sea."
"Atlantic City has a nice beach. The boardwalk, too. I'll take it slow, just... do what feels okay. It's only about a two hour drive. Less, even. If you're worried, maybe we can get Remy to come along in case anything happens. Or Remy and Logan. Or anyone," Chase said, sitting up a little. "I just feel like I need to get out of the house for a bit. It's Mother's Day. We should do something nice."
"Okay, let's do it. I don't want ya feelin' like I wanna have a babysitter along, I just... I'm wary about how much energy ya burn, that's all. I trust ya to take it slow, so if ya tell me you'll be okay, then I'll believe ya. I know Remy and Logan would get there as fast as they could if anythin' did happen." Rogue covered his hand with hers and squeezed it gently. "Guess this means I better go have a shower. You wanna have a little nap first?"
Chase smiled, feeling better than he had done in weeks. "I'll nap in the car. This is going to be good," he decided, nodded. "And I do love your bed hair."
Rogue smirked lightly. "I'll just have a quick wash, and leave my bed hair as is if ya like it. I'm sure I can't look any worse than most of the beachgoers."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do in there," Chase warned with a teasing smirk of his own. "We can't wait all day."
Rogue reluctantly pulled away from her family, and leaned down to give her husband another quick kiss. "I'll have ya know I've behaved myself pretty damn well, Doc. See you in ten. Try not to scare Mia too much more with warnings about sex."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,153
Co-written with justalilcontact
[Follows THIS]
It was an off-chemo week. In other words, a "good" week. Good was probably pushing it. Chase was tired all the time these days. Off-chemo week just meant he didn't spend days on end with various bodily fluids exploding from various bodily orifices. Off-chemo week still meant he felt tired and weak, still felt like his skin was uncomfortably sunburned, still had mouth ulcers, still had no hair, still had only one real ball. But compared to the days following the chemo treatment, this was actually feeling good. He sat in the living room with his baby daughter nursed contentedly in his arms. He held the silver Tiffany rattle up in front of her (spontaneous gift from the Cajun godfather), enjoying the way she was just beginning to reach for things these days. She wasn't even quite two months old, but she had been what was keeping Chase going right now. A reason to fight this with everything he had.
He brushed his fingers through her thick, dark hair and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "You're Daddy's beautiful girl, you know that? He shouldn't be creating things like you. You're going to give him a hernia when he's middle aged and you start noticing boys. Like Wee Campbell. It doesn't take a genius to know he's going to catch your eye. But that's okay. Good genes there. You just aren't ever allowed to have sex..." He smiled down at her and adjusted the little frilly pink dress she had on with matching booties and bonnet especially for Mother's Day. She made a cooing nose and pressed her face in against Chase's chest and he cupped one of her tiny feet into his palm.
Rogue entered the living room still in her green silk robe and slip. Her hair was still sleep tousled and she gave her husband and daughter a sleepy smile. She held a tray with tea, the bracelet that was her Mother's Day gift was already on her wrist. She'd slept in longer than she'd anticipated, the first time she got up far too early but Mia had wanted to be fed, and there was no rest for Rogue's breasts while Mia was still feeding off her. Chase had set up camp in the living room with Mia soon afterwards, letting Rogue go back to bed for more sleep.
Rogue set the tray down before she curled up beside the Doc and rest her head on his shoulder. "You shoulda been the one to go back to bed, sugar. I coulda stayed up... But thank you. Thank ya both. I always feel so spoiled with you."
Chase kissed Rogue's head and rested his back against the sofa. "It's okay. We were father-daughter bonding... or something. Mostly constituted her dribbling on me and probably completely ignoring what I was saying. But I hear that's a daughter's job," he joked. "In saying that, I might have to go back a bit later. I'm trying to work out when my head got to feeling so heavy and when my neck stopped being strong enough to hold it. I can see why the Queen has so many servants now. She's got the right idea."
Rogue touched her fingers to Mia's belly and smiled again as she stifled a yawn and watched her daughter rub her nose against the Doc's chest. "If ya wanna put her back in her crib I can always be ya pillow for a little while. Or I can just keep her down here so she don't disturb ya." Rogue lifted her head to look at her husband, and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I know it's Mother's Day, but if ya need anythin' ya still allowed to ask. Mia ain't old enough to be my slave yet, so I'll just make do with bein' yours."
Chase laughed softly. "I'm cool, babe. This is nice. Family time when I'm half way feeling okay. I'm not taking it for granted." He scratched a little at the side of his head, the bandana covering the fact he had shaved his head in anticipation of losing his hair. Remy had shown up a couple of days ago with no less than fifty different bandanas. It was the first time ever Chase managed to see the caring Cajun behind the smirk. There was more to Remy LeBeau than could ever meet the eye. Plus, he was a brilliant godfather to Mia, which was a huge weight off Chase's mind on the chance he might not... well, in case Mia needed a male role model in the future. "When I'm feeling better, we'll celebrate Mother's Day and your birthday with style, I promise."
Rogue laughed softly, and kissed the back of his hand shielding Mia's tiny feet. "I'm okay without the celebrations, Doc. I still know ya love me, and I still get pretty spoiled with gifts. It's enough to know that you're feelin' somewhat okay." Her head came back to rest on his shoulder and she let her arm drape over his torso. She wasn't sure she'd have got through any of this without Remy, and she owed him a small fortune. She also owed Logan for coming on the nights Remy couldn't, and for just being here even if he hadn't known what to do like Remy did now. The Cajun was slowly falling into a routine with her family, and Rogue really was grateful to him. "Do you really not want her to have sex? How are we going to get grandchildren?"
Chase shook his head. "Nope. She's never having sex," he insisted and then smirked tiredly down at her. "I guess in my effed up chemo brain, I just project a lot of thoughts to the future. What she might be like, if she really will be close to Riley Campbell, what she might want to do in college, if she'll have powers like you, if I'll get to walk her down the aisle..." He pulled his lips to the side. "I'm not naive enough to just assume I'm going to be here to see all that. I need to stay rational somewhere along the line."
"If she'll even want to walk down the aisle," Rogue replied as she looked at her daughter thoughtfully. "She might prefer to live in sin with Riley Campbell, or some other boy. I don't think you're going to let any other boy near her though. I don't think Remy would, either. He might be acceptin' of Riley Campbell dependin' on how much he's like his daddy. I keep wonderin' if she's gonna want to be a doctor like you. If she's gonna be as smart as you, and wanna heal people."
Chase gave a laugh. "You know, even if Wee Campbell turns out like Lachlan, I wouldn't mind. At least we know she would be loved and protected. Lachlan and I are similiar in our past experiences. That could really be a scary thing," he realised, raising his eyebrows. "She might want to do something completely different, like body piercing." He cringed as he said it. "Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just like my daughter without holes."
"Yeah, but that means he's got to go off and have experience. He needs to get those past experiences before realising Mia's the one for him... I doubt you would have stayed celebate if someone had told you at twelve that you were meant to be with me for the rest of your life." Rogue laughed softly as she looked up at Chase. "Better Wee Campbell keeps it in his pants from a young age when he realises that Mia's incredibly beautiful and much better than any other girls, even if she does wind up with holes."
Chase looked at her and laughed, holding his free hand up. "I'm sorry. The romance is sweet and all, but he's still Lachlan Campbell's spawn. There will be a curiousity on some level. At the same time... I don't know... they've been through a lot. It wouldn't surprise me if he's a total knight in shining armour and spends the rest of his life with one girl. Tara and Lachlan are romantics through and through. It'll probably rub off. Hopefully they find some sort of niche together... even if it's just watching out for each other when they grow up. Riley won't have any siblings, whether Mia will... who knows."
Rogue shifted onto her knees and wrapped her arms around both father and daughter as she kissed Chase's forehead. "You know if we just have Mia, I'll still be happy. She's more than I ever coulda wished for. I honestly thought that when we lost our first baby that that would be it. I'm just so glad we have her... and I'll be even happier if you pull through this."
"I just want to be here a lot longer than this," Chase murmured and then smiled down at them both. "Just taking each day, though... it can have it's benefits."
"Oh yeah?" Rogue asked as she kissed his lips softly. "What benefits?"
Chase shrugged and gave a slight laugh. "I don't know," he admitted. "I'm just trying to stay positive. There are benefits, I just... don't always realise them until they're looking me in the face."
Rogue made her eyes go wide as she rest her forehead against his and stared into eyes before she started giggling. "Pretty sure there's two very good reasons right here. Me and Mia should be enough to get ya goin' in the mornin'. I mean, how can ya miss our beautiful daughter? And how can ya miss my very sexy bed hair?"
Chase shifted in his seat, squirming a little. "I didn't mean it like that," he said quietly. "You two are all I think about."
Rogue frowned as she looked at him. "I didn't mean it like that, either... I was just teasin'. I'm sorry, sugar. I really didn't mean to hit a sore spot. I shoulda thought more before openin' my mouth."
"No, I'm sorry." Chase frowned himself. "I really am. I'm a sensitive, humourless shit lately. I just don't want you to think I don't take either of you for granted. You're both the reason I haven't given up."
"It's okay, Doc. I know it can't be easy for ya. Any of it... I guess I just gotta be careful what kinda jokes I make. Mia and I are always gonna be here for ya. We won't ever think you're takin' us for granted. We just want ya to be okay." Rogue brushed back Mia's hair and leaned down to kiss her daughter's forehead as the littlest Chase started to rub at her face.
Chase wet his dry lips and looked down at them again. "We should do something. Go to the beach. Atlantic City. Just... have some fun," he suggested.
Rogue raised her eyebrows a little. "Are ya feelin' up to it? I'm all for fun, but I don't wanna drain ya energy completely. We should go to the beach, though. I know that ya always feel better near the sea."
"Atlantic City has a nice beach. The boardwalk, too. I'll take it slow, just... do what feels okay. It's only about a two hour drive. Less, even. If you're worried, maybe we can get Remy to come along in case anything happens. Or Remy and Logan. Or anyone," Chase said, sitting up a little. "I just feel like I need to get out of the house for a bit. It's Mother's Day. We should do something nice."
"Okay, let's do it. I don't want ya feelin' like I wanna have a babysitter along, I just... I'm wary about how much energy ya burn, that's all. I trust ya to take it slow, so if ya tell me you'll be okay, then I'll believe ya. I know Remy and Logan would get there as fast as they could if anythin' did happen." Rogue covered his hand with hers and squeezed it gently. "Guess this means I better go have a shower. You wanna have a little nap first?"
Chase smiled, feeling better than he had done in weeks. "I'll nap in the car. This is going to be good," he decided, nodded. "And I do love your bed hair."
Rogue smirked lightly. "I'll just have a quick wash, and leave my bed hair as is if ya like it. I'm sure I can't look any worse than most of the beachgoers."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do in there," Chase warned with a teasing smirk of his own. "We can't wait all day."
Rogue reluctantly pulled away from her family, and leaned down to give her husband another quick kiss. "I'll have ya know I've behaved myself pretty damn well, Doc. See you in ten. Try not to scare Mia too much more with warnings about sex."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,153