on_thecouch | 36.5. Win or lose [from Week 27]
36.5. Win or lose
[Part of Chase & Rogue's A Touch Too Much storyline]
Chase nearly had a heart attack when he woke up and found House sitting beside his bed eating a burger with a magic marker poised close to Chase’s forehead. “What the fuck?!” Chase shrieked, but found it impossible to jump out of the way with all the machines he was hooked up to. He could only begin to imagine what messages or swear words were now graffitied on his forehead. It didn’t stop him reflexively reaching up to try and furiously rub whatever it was off.
“Don’t worry, it’s an improvement. I hear Geek Chique is the new black this year,” House said with a smirk and bit into his burger. The marker was discarded on the side of Chase’s bed, obviously having Chase conscious ruining his fun.
Chase squeezed his eyes shut and massaged his temples with his thumb and middle finger. “Why the hell are you here, House?” he mumbled. “Obviously not to share your burger.”
“Wilson’s burger,” House corrected indifferently and picked up his Big Gulp to take a swallow and wash down the current mouthful. “What are you hiding?” he asked and pointed suspiciously at Chase with the straw of his cup.
Chase looked at his ex-boss blankly. “I have three testicles,” he said with mock seriousness. “Carrying that around with my very large penis caused my brain to short-circuit. My wife requested Riley Browne as my doctor because we’re secretly living in a very dirty threesome and he just can’t keep his hands off my assets.”
House raised his eyebrows and leant forward. “Who’s the father of the brat?” he asked with as equally as mocking intrigue. “Because I swear she was making eyes at Braveheart.”
Chase just watched House and then offered him a faint smirk. “I’m not telling you anything, House. You can sit there until I’m discharged, but you won’t get what you’re looking for. Just remember, I have no lunch money you can steal.”
“I could beat it out of you,” House offered with a shrug. “Starting with your third testicle, because clearly that is the weak link.”
Chase rolled his eyes, his head dropping tiredly against his pillow. “Alright, you got me. My wife is a mutant with killer skin. She got a little too handy when she was trying to fuck me and put me in a coma. To top it off, she works for this whole society of fellow mutants who really have a tendency of hurting people extensively when anyone threatens her well-being. She wanted Riley as my doctor because she has a fetish for Brits and Lachlan Campbell was too busy making haggis or something.”
House leaned forward on his cane and checked Chase’s IV bag. “I’ll have what you’re having,” he decided and stood up. “I’ll just go and add paranoid delusions to the whiteboard and let Kutner try to work that one without wanting to come steal your blood in your sleep.”
“You’re running a differential on me without my wife’s consent?” Chase asked in amusement. “Good luck with that. If you want to break into my house, watch out for the dog. She likes to piss on people she doesn’t like.” He paused, and this time did look at House seriously. “You aren’t going to find anything, House. I’m not going to let you,” he said evenly.
House halted at the door and smirked again at his Aussie ex-peon. “Game on, wombat,” he returned and was gone in search of his team before Chase could say anything more.
Rogue [justalilcontact], Riley Browne [pullmysteth], Lachlan Campbell [drcampbell] referenced with permission. Not binding on any House muses.
Word Count | 585
[Part of Chase & Rogue's A Touch Too Much storyline]
Chase nearly had a heart attack when he woke up and found House sitting beside his bed eating a burger with a magic marker poised close to Chase’s forehead. “What the fuck?!” Chase shrieked, but found it impossible to jump out of the way with all the machines he was hooked up to. He could only begin to imagine what messages or swear words were now graffitied on his forehead. It didn’t stop him reflexively reaching up to try and furiously rub whatever it was off.
“Don’t worry, it’s an improvement. I hear Geek Chique is the new black this year,” House said with a smirk and bit into his burger. The marker was discarded on the side of Chase’s bed, obviously having Chase conscious ruining his fun.
Chase squeezed his eyes shut and massaged his temples with his thumb and middle finger. “Why the hell are you here, House?” he mumbled. “Obviously not to share your burger.”
“Wilson’s burger,” House corrected indifferently and picked up his Big Gulp to take a swallow and wash down the current mouthful. “What are you hiding?” he asked and pointed suspiciously at Chase with the straw of his cup.
Chase looked at his ex-boss blankly. “I have three testicles,” he said with mock seriousness. “Carrying that around with my very large penis caused my brain to short-circuit. My wife requested Riley Browne as my doctor because we’re secretly living in a very dirty threesome and he just can’t keep his hands off my assets.”
House raised his eyebrows and leant forward. “Who’s the father of the brat?” he asked with as equally as mocking intrigue. “Because I swear she was making eyes at Braveheart.”
Chase just watched House and then offered him a faint smirk. “I’m not telling you anything, House. You can sit there until I’m discharged, but you won’t get what you’re looking for. Just remember, I have no lunch money you can steal.”
“I could beat it out of you,” House offered with a shrug. “Starting with your third testicle, because clearly that is the weak link.”
Chase rolled his eyes, his head dropping tiredly against his pillow. “Alright, you got me. My wife is a mutant with killer skin. She got a little too handy when she was trying to fuck me and put me in a coma. To top it off, she works for this whole society of fellow mutants who really have a tendency of hurting people extensively when anyone threatens her well-being. She wanted Riley as my doctor because she has a fetish for Brits and Lachlan Campbell was too busy making haggis or something.”
House leaned forward on his cane and checked Chase’s IV bag. “I’ll have what you’re having,” he decided and stood up. “I’ll just go and add paranoid delusions to the whiteboard and let Kutner try to work that one without wanting to come steal your blood in your sleep.”
“You’re running a differential on me without my wife’s consent?” Chase asked in amusement. “Good luck with that. If you want to break into my house, watch out for the dog. She likes to piss on people she doesn’t like.” He paused, and this time did look at House seriously. “You aren’t going to find anything, House. I’m not going to let you,” he said evenly.
House halted at the door and smirked again at his Aussie ex-peon. “Game on, wombat,” he returned and was gone in search of his team before Chase could say anything more.
Rogue [justalilcontact], Riley Browne [pullmysteth], Lachlan Campbell [drcampbell] referenced with permission. Not binding on any House muses.
Word Count | 585